suzieq1972

the first time someone has posted something like this, but it's how i'm feeling at the moment.

It's strange how a TV show can evoke such feelings of loneliness. All I did was watch an episode of one of my favorite TV shows and out came the tears.

The wife was worried and scared about a particular situation the family was facing. Her husband hugged her, kissed her and told her everything was going to be okay. Yeah, that brought me to tears.

I can remember when that used to be "us." Whenever I was worried STBXAH would always reassure me. Somewhere along the line that all changed.

I realized while watching that show, that I have not been held in over a year. Sure, my son has hugged me or even my parents, but it's not the same thing. It's not that I need it to feel validated, but it would be nice to feel those old feelings.

My son has been on a trip to Chicago with the church youth group for the past 4 days. It's been really quiet around here (which can be good). And I did stay busy...went to a POISON concert Saturday night (what can I say, I'm a child of the 80's!!!). But, when there's no one to talk to it's lonely.

I think the cat and dog are tired of me talking to them! LOL!!

Anyway, I had to type this out after my cry.

Thanks for listening.






Sue

Bernadette

Oh Suzie -- I remember those moments so well when I was still in my unfulfilling and unhealthy marriage. One Mother's Day I was (as usual) the one up early with the kids while (now ex) hub snored away till 2 or 3pm as was his habit. And I walked to the bakery with my boys and then on to the park. In the bakery the line was long - all men (Dads? Sons? Hubbys?) obviously buying treats for the "Mom" in their lives.

Then, at the park, all the kids were with their Dads- it was early - those Dads were giving Mom a sleep-in for Mother's Day morning. My loneliness just hit me like a ton of bricks that day. And, honestly, I could care less about "Mother's Day!!" but sometimes when we see a picture so clearly of what is missing from our lives - and it is something SO BASIC and SIMPLE and COMMON in a healthy relationship....well - it is hard to take and the waterworks flow...

It's good to know as we move forward in life that the things we want can be so normal and simple...like reassurance from our partner when we are troubled. When I met my current boyfriend I was so shocked at the most common courtesies he showed me. He was like, wow, you are so easy to impress - your ex left the bar really low!!

For now I'll send you a big (((hug))) and tell you everything's gonna be all right! And please, keep talking to the dog and cat!! My late cat Boris was my higher power for a long time! Worked for me!

Peace,
B.

Denoraphy

suzie,
Yes, it can be quite sad when all of the hopes and dreams you had for a perfect family life are not what you had hoped for.

When I think of my AH I do not have that warm, loving feeling I used to have when we first got together. Actually, I don't feel much of anything when I think of him.

Now, when I think about us and our family as a whole and how it is breaking apart, I have a very profound aching feeling in my heart. I know that this is because our life toghether is not what I had dreamt of for my future or the future of our children.

I do pray that someday my AH will be able to offer me the love that I desire or that I will be able to experience the love given by someone who does not chose another substance before me. I offer the same prayer for you.

DK

suzieq1972

I will pray for you too Denoraphy and all of us who are so lonely.

I believe that God did not intend for us to be alone. He's the only One who knows our futures, but it's the here and now that hurts so bad.

We'll all get through this, one way or another.


:praying


Sue

i4getsm

I'm in the same boat. I had the same realization about not being hugged or kissed in so long. The bigger picture for me is that I need to get my head in the right space before I start looking for another emotional or physical attraction. I need to "wise-up" about what I want/need in a relationship. I've actually been reconnecting with some old friends lately, and a few of them were boyfriends or major crushes from my past. It's funny how my heart went all pitter-patter about it. Made me thankful that at least my hope for a partner is not dead, ya know? At least that spark is still there even if it's buried way underneath the surface right now.

(((HUGS))) Praying for you.

respektingme

The sermon on Sunday was Gods at War. Opposing Gods, such as things we put above God....... alcohol being one of them, fear being another. I held back tears several times during the sermon. At the end, they sang a song about turning over your fears to God and I couldn't sing. Tears were pouring out of my eyes and I was so mad that I couldn't stop them. I really didn't want anyone to see and looked straight down as we walked out knowing that my eyes were bloodshot.

It means we're still alive. And I think that's a good thing. :ghug3