suzieq1972

Back in February I got a RO after my STBXAH threatened to kill me. In April he was arrested for impersonating a police officer (which is really ironic because he used to be one).

Fast forward to last Saturday (July 5th), he calls our son to let him know he was out of jail on bond. He tells him he loves him and misses him (oh yeah I forgot to say that he walked out on us 1 year ago and yeah it took me this long to file for divorce).

Last night our son and I are sitting down to eat after a 2 1/2 soccer practice and son's cell phone rings. It's AH. They talk for several minutes and then AH asks son to ask me if I'll talk to him. I said no. Few minutes later he asks again, I still say no (we're not supposed to have any contact period because of the RO). He asks one more time saying he needs info about the property and his redit card (which BTW he ran up a $10,000 bill on).

OKAY, I FELL FOR IT! I get on the phone and he starts telling me how he knows all of this is his fault and I never did anything wrong. He tells me he talked to the credit card company and his cell phone company about paying on the bills. He says he doesn't blame me for not payng those bills (how nice of him since they weren't mine to pay). Then he says he wants to meet me and talk to me. He'll even do it with other people around. I mentioned the RO and he made sure to tell me that I was already violating it by talking to him (in fact he mentioned that several times). I told him I didn't know because I'm not ready for that. He goes on about not wanting to split the property because we worked so hard to get everything we have.

I also asked for full custody in the divorce complaint, with supervised visitation. He told me he wasn't going to just walk away from his son and never see him. I explained I wasn't seeking sole custody, but I'll be darned if he was going to spend every other weekend drinking and drugging in front of our son.

He asked if he could call me later, I told him no. I said I would let him know about us getting together to talk.

He said he has good days and bad days (not quite sure what that means, he's only been out for a week). No talk of a program or counseling. I told him several times that I don't trust him anymore, he kept agreeing with everything I said. That's what makes it so hard.

SO, now I feel like I've really screwed up. I should never have talked to him because now I can't get the conversation out of my head. He sounded so sincere, but I know better. He wants me to believe that after 3 months in jail and all the time he had to think that he's better. I know better in my head, but that darn heart always gets in the way.

Geez, when did my life become a soap opera? All these months I've been so sure of myself and I hear his voice one time and I crumble.

Thanks everyone for listening!



Sue

Kindeyes

suzieq
Man....they can really turn on the charm when they want/need to! They all work from the same script. He threatened to kill you! How scary is that!?! A's are so very talented at throwing that "line" out there and hooking us. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've fallen for the charm with my xah and my (r)a son.

If there is no program or counseling, there is no recovery. It's not that someone can't stop drinking without a program or counseling, but there is no change in behavior. For some reason, he needs/wants to get close to you......but there is an agenda.....and it's HIS agenda. What's in it for you?

Take care of yourself.

gentle hugs

strongerwoman

Here's what I did:

Made a list of the worst "offenses" stbxah commited against me I keep it, along with the "with all my love" card from the OW, in my purse.
Whenever I get to feeling like I'm missing him, or not being rational about what the situation really is, or just feeling weak, I pull it out and read it again.

Seems to snap me back into the reality real quick.

Hugs to you, be smart and take care of you. It is so hard.

strongerwoman

Very wise words, Kindeyes!