strongerwoman

Ugh.
How to deal with all of the triggers?

I live in the same general area that the OW recently moved to and either see her at Walmart or pass her on the roads all of the time. She has a distinctive looking car, so its hard to miss her.

It stinks because I can be going along well emotionally and then BAM!
Its like all of a sudden getting kicked in the stomach.
Same with stbxah, yesterday I was driving home and he was pulling up to a stop sign as I was passing by. I didn't even look at him to acknowledge him, but it was another unexpected kick in the stomach.

I see triggers EVERYWHERE! Its like everything is a reminder, everything is a trigger. Dumb things like when I'm looking at the magazine racks and see the log home magazines, that was a dream of ours and it hits me that it will never be realized and I get all sad.
I pass a nice looking man's outfit in a store and immediately think "Oh, I should get that for stbxah, he would look good in that." Then it hits me - duh! I wont be buying him that!

I see a recipe he would love and it reminds me, I hear a song, it reminds me, I look down at my ring finger and my ring is no longer there, I see him briefly for whatever and se his ring is gone too, it just seems like there are triggers everywhere, all day long.
And all of a sudden, it's emotional pain all over again.

How to deal with all the triggers? Maybe there is no good way and its all part of the process but darn it! It sucks and is so hard emotionally!

TONYTEXAS

A wise spiritual man with 20 years clean told me the only trigger we have is being alive. So basically everything is a trigger if we are still breathing. Prayer and meditation are great and it will pass like everything.

respektingme

You know, I weigh this all the time. Will the triggers overcome my joy at not having to live with an alcoholic?? I think in large part, it's a choice how we react. I've heard a few women who got divorced say the heaven they experience after getting their own place was just wonderful. And at this very moment, I can feel it. I can taste it. If you have to remind yourself of what it was like living with a drunk, do so. Use the triggers to recall his drunken times, the reason you left. Now, no more surprises. His new woman can get all those, and there will be tons!!! I bet she thinks she got a catch. She must be blind. Going out with a guy, whose going through the divorce process, who will be tied to you through having children, and who is an alcoholic? Could she be asking for more stress?

Wait, I married a guy with 3 kids..... annnnnndddddd IT WAS HELL. Oh yeah, and HE IS an alcoholic, and THAT IS HELL.

Ahhh, the peace of no more power struggles. I'll be able to set my thermostat on whatever the hell I want.

My AH got trashed in the middle of the night last night. How did I know? Got up this morning and my laptop is tossed onto the floor. The coolpad under it was yanked out and is missing some rubber legs, like 3 of them. He just got his teeth whitened professionally ($400) so he wasn't supposed to dip for 48 hours, and there was a wet ball of used tobacco on the carpet in front of the recliner. He doesn't remember using the tobacco. He has that hazy look today, like he's really hungover.

So, our dishwasher broke. Rather than me chase down a repairman, I handed him the phone while I started doing dishes. He kept trying to help me...... his way of earning his way back into my good graces (although I didn't mention last night's escapades). I told him I had the dishes under control and to pick some other chore to do, like vacuum.

So off he went. It took me a while to really get the kitchen cleaned up. I put in my ipod so I didn't have to listen to him. I'm mopping away, cleaning cabinets, dishes, etc.

I take something to our bedroom and find his ass passed out on the bed. Oh, the biggest kicker.... he turned the thermostat up because he was cold. I'm breaking a sweat doing work, while he's sleeping off his bender with the a/c off. What a selfish pig.

You're not missing much. Keep reminding yourself of that. And get some good books. Do what you like to do.

respektingme

I think triggers do fade with time. I don't smoke anymore, but when I first quit, I saw opportunities to smoke everywhere!! When I was ticked or happy. When I was through with a meal or in between one. When I was waking up or gonig to bed. Now I still have a few triggers. Sharing a cola and some m&m's with a really good friend, while we're in a deep discussion, while she smokes, makes me want one REALLY bad. But if I don't feed the trigger, it goes away. Certainly not worth taking the habit back up. I lost a good friend to lung cancer 2 years ago. He was 40.

Don't want that.