OK, they really don't hear what we say
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Milwaukee WI
Posts: 137
OK, they really don't hear what we say
Well, 2 posts in one day, I am on a roll. My AH and I live together, because he won't leave and I don't work yet as I have been a stay at home Mom for the last 11 yrs. I have been to numerous interviews and putting resumes out there so that I can at least have some income before I file for divorce, I have also spoken with a attorney. Several weeks ago when AH refused to leave I told him then that I would not consider us living together as husband and wife anymore, that we were only together in the same house until I could get some things taken care of...I have taken off my wedding ring and have very minimal contact with him, he has been sleeping on the couch. I have told him that since he has chosen to continue his drinking and not get help or get help together to work on things, that I have finally made the choice to get out, I will not live the rest of my life this way, I have let it go on toooooo long.Well, today my older son took my 2 girls to the movies, so just me home with AH, he comes walking out of the bathroom and says, "do you want to have sex"??????!!! WHAT...I say are you kidding me...did you not listen to a word I said several weeks ago?? For the life of me.....I don't get it, for one thing I don't even remember the last time we had sex, it was at least 7-8 months ago if not longer, the more his drinking increased the less he wanted to be intimate....well, no thanks, i don't want to even go there with someone who started drinking his whiskey at 630AM................please pray that one of my interviews comes through with a job...I want out.....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 19
I cannot tell you the number of times in the past few years that I have just stood and stared at my AH in disbelief. He remembers NOTHING I say....and I say some pretty great things! 
Hang in there...you seem to be doing very well.
Hang in there...you seem to be doing very well.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: London
Posts: 130
You will get a job, it just takes a bit of time when you've been out for a while.
I work in recruitment and had been out of the game for 6 years, in my experience it is the big companies that are more open minded about taking someone on that has been away for a while, they also have more of a handle on single mums too. You wouldn't believe some of the things said to me by smaller firms when I was looking for a job, they didn't think my childcare provision was good enough with a chilcare provider doing the school runs and my mum for back up.
I know it's frustrating but stick with it and with all the interview practice you are getting you will eventually blow someone away.
I work in recruitment and had been out of the game for 6 years, in my experience it is the big companies that are more open minded about taking someone on that has been away for a while, they also have more of a handle on single mums too. You wouldn't believe some of the things said to me by smaller firms when I was looking for a job, they didn't think my childcare provision was good enough with a chilcare provider doing the school runs and my mum for back up.
I know it's frustrating but stick with it and with all the interview practice you are getting you will eventually blow someone away.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Positive thoughts being sent your way so that the right job
will come to you!
Keep moving forward and sticking to that path! It will get better
will come to you!
Keep moving forward and sticking to that path! It will get better
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
Good luck on the job front. Hopefully something will come open soon and the right opportunity just hasn't opened up yet.
Don't waste your breath when he's drinking. They really don't hear a word we say. I quit talking and arguing a long time ago because he either would respond and talk in circles or not remember anyway and he was compromising my sanity and I didn't want to stoop to his level (even if it is a sober level).
Prayers for work and independence!
Don't waste your breath when he's drinking. They really don't hear a word we say. I quit talking and arguing a long time ago because he either would respond and talk in circles or not remember anyway and he was compromising my sanity and I didn't want to stoop to his level (even if it is a sober level).
Prayers for work and independence!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 282
Even if you weren't having all these problems it is so gross when a guy says "you wanna have sex?" Like that's a real turn on huh? UGH! It just takes me back to the past when XABF would try to be "nice" to me when his breath reeked of gin..YUCK!!!!. And when I turned him down I was a frigid B***H and he would say "why don't you just BECOME a lesbian...It used to hurt me...now I just think about how dumb he sounded!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
(((stillsearching))). You are taking the initiative to get out, and you realize your AH is acting, well ... NUTS! I no longer wear my wedding band or engagement ring. In fact, I sold them at a local pawn shop. I needed the cash, and those rings aren't going with me when I'm dead. LOL!!!
Keep focusing on getting a job and pressing forward. I sent out about a zillion resumes, posted my resume on monster.com, networked, and finally took a job standing on my feet for 40 hours a week at a department store. Ugh. Boring. Repetitive. Not to mention my knees and back are about gone. But, it lead to a better job, closer to home, AND I GET TO SIT DOWN!
No, they don't listen. They don't hear their own inner voice. They don't hear external voices most of the time unless they pick up on something they can use against us during a rant-session.
The last time my AH "wanted" sex, he plopped his smelly body in my bed and demanded his conjugal rights. Oh, please - yuck! I calmly told him to remove himself from MY bedroom. He complied. Now he's found a hobby to pursue that apparently satisfies his needs; namely, internet porn. Fine by me! I don't condone it, I don't look at it, but if it gets him to leave me alone, fine by me!
Keep focusing on getting a job and pressing forward. I sent out about a zillion resumes, posted my resume on monster.com, networked, and finally took a job standing on my feet for 40 hours a week at a department store. Ugh. Boring. Repetitive. Not to mention my knees and back are about gone. But, it lead to a better job, closer to home, AND I GET TO SIT DOWN!
No, they don't listen. They don't hear their own inner voice. They don't hear external voices most of the time unless they pick up on something they can use against us during a rant-session.
The last time my AH "wanted" sex, he plopped his smelly body in my bed and demanded his conjugal rights. Oh, please - yuck! I calmly told him to remove himself from MY bedroom. He complied. Now he's found a hobby to pursue that apparently satisfies his needs; namely, internet porn. Fine by me! I don't condone it, I don't look at it, but if it gets him to leave me alone, fine by me!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Still Searching you are doing the foot work. Your recovery program is SHINING.
Being from Milwaukee, and knowing 'my old standby is still there' might I suggest you go to Manpower Inc. Yes it is temporary, and the trick with that is call every morning and every afternoon. Pretty soon they get so tired of your calls they give you a temp job just to get you off their back. Then when that one is over, call again, unless they have another one right away for you. Do a good job on the temp job and you will have lots of work and yes you have a good chance of getting A PERMANENT JOB through them.
I got many over the years in different areas of the country, but Milwaukee is their HOME BASE. Give them a try, it can't hurt.
If you PM me, and let me know what type of work you are looking for, I may have some leads for you. I haven't lived in Milwaukee for many years, but still have lots and lots of CLOSE contacts up there, and family up in West Bend and daughter in Lake Mills, lol I am not a stranger to The Milwaukee Area at all. So PM me if you want and I'll see what I can do to help.
Keep doing your foot work, you are moving forward, even if you may not think so!
Love and hugs,
Being from Milwaukee, and knowing 'my old standby is still there' might I suggest you go to Manpower Inc. Yes it is temporary, and the trick with that is call every morning and every afternoon. Pretty soon they get so tired of your calls they give you a temp job just to get you off their back. Then when that one is over, call again, unless they have another one right away for you. Do a good job on the temp job and you will have lots of work and yes you have a good chance of getting A PERMANENT JOB through them.
I got many over the years in different areas of the country, but Milwaukee is their HOME BASE. Give them a try, it can't hurt.
If you PM me, and let me know what type of work you are looking for, I may have some leads for you. I haven't lived in Milwaukee for many years, but still have lots and lots of CLOSE contacts up there, and family up in West Bend and daughter in Lake Mills, lol I am not a stranger to The Milwaukee Area at all. So PM me if you want and I'll see what I can do to help.
Keep doing your foot work, you are moving forward, even if you may not think so!
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
Hugs to you. There are times when I feel exactly how you do now. I may be exactly where you are in the future. Odd how these pickled brains don't realize that women are turned on by many other things than the mere mention of the act, or a flash of the tool. In fact, you'd think by now, they'd have figured out it's all about most anything BUT that. And that's for regular people as well, but moreso for the guy who has decided to be married first and foremost to a bottle over his wife.... and then forgets all about the romance on top of that??
And they seem so shocked when we say no. Ohhhhhh really. Shocked. Shocked that the acidic smell of battery acid flowing out of his skin burned my nose enough to make me squint? Shocked that I might actually prefer to snuggle up to my pillow instead? I think the "shock" is a put on to protect themselves from the truth. There is no shock, only pretend.
My days with my AH go way back to the days when I always went for the bad boy type. In an odd comparison, it goes back to the days on the dance floor. DH wasn't looking at me when we danced, he was looking at himself. The other guys who were into me must not have been challenging enough. I had to go for the guys who were so into themselves, like they had a big secret I just had to find out. Now, I know lots of very attractive men, jocks and egos. My AH asked me once if I found any of them attractive. Nope. The only guy I find attractive is the one who is balding, tall and lanky, and sooooo in love with his wife. Next time around, that's the type of guy I'll be looking for.
Hang in there. I think it's so consuming to be with someone who is so self-absorbed. I think you'll feel a real load off your shoulders when you can be responsible for just yourself, rather than both of you.
And they seem so shocked when we say no. Ohhhhhh really. Shocked. Shocked that the acidic smell of battery acid flowing out of his skin burned my nose enough to make me squint? Shocked that I might actually prefer to snuggle up to my pillow instead? I think the "shock" is a put on to protect themselves from the truth. There is no shock, only pretend.
My days with my AH go way back to the days when I always went for the bad boy type. In an odd comparison, it goes back to the days on the dance floor. DH wasn't looking at me when we danced, he was looking at himself. The other guys who were into me must not have been challenging enough. I had to go for the guys who were so into themselves, like they had a big secret I just had to find out. Now, I know lots of very attractive men, jocks and egos. My AH asked me once if I found any of them attractive. Nope. The only guy I find attractive is the one who is balding, tall and lanky, and sooooo in love with his wife. Next time around, that's the type of guy I'll be looking for.
Hang in there. I think it's so consuming to be with someone who is so self-absorbed. I think you'll feel a real load off your shoulders when you can be responsible for just yourself, rather than both of you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Milwaukee WI
Posts: 137
Thank you ALL so much for the support, it has taken me a long time to get here, but I know I am doing the right thing, if I were to still be in this situation 10 yrs from now, I would be so depressed, I am beginning to feel like I can really have a life!! and it feels good...freeing........
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Originally Posted by loner1968 
Even if you weren't having all these problems it is so gross when a guy says "you wanna have sex?" Like that's a real turn on huh? UGH! It just takes me back to the past when XABF would try to be "nice" to me when his breath reeked of gin..YUCK!!!!. And when I turned him down I was a frigid B***H and he would say "why don't you just BECOME a lesbian...It used to hurt me...now I just think about how dumb he sounded!
You could have replied " sorry honey, brad pitt already booked a date with me"
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Originally Posted by respektingme
Hugs to you. There are times when I feel exactly how you do now. I may be exactly where you are in the future. Odd how these pickled brains don't realize that women are turned on by many other things than the mere mention of the act, or a flash of the tool. In fact, you'd think by now, they'd have figured out it's all about most anything BUT that. And that's for regular people as well, but moreso for the guy who has decided to be married first and foremost to a bottle over his wife.... and then forgets all about the romance on top of that??
And they seem so shocked when we say no. Ohhhhhh really. Shocked. Shocked that the acidic smell of battery acid flowing out of his skin burned my nose enough to make me squint? Shocked that I might actually prefer to snuggle up to my pillow instead? I think the "shock" is a put on to protect themselves from the truth. There is no shock, only pretend.
My days with my AH go way back to the days when I always went for the bad boy type. In an odd comparison, it goes back to the days on the dance floor. DH wasn't looking at me when we danced, he was looking at himself. The other guys who were into me must not have been challenging enough. I had to go for the guys who were so into themselves, like they had a big secret I just had to find out. Now, I know lots of very attractive men, jocks and egos. My AH asked me once if I found any of them attractive. Nope. The only guy I find attractive is the one who is balding, tall and lanky, and sooooo in love with his wife. Next time around, that's the type of guy I'll be looking for.
Hang in there. I think it's so consuming to be with someone who is so self-absorbed. I think you'll feel a real load off your shoulders when you can be responsible for just yourself, rather than both of you.
And they seem so shocked when we say no. Ohhhhhh really. Shocked. Shocked that the acidic smell of battery acid flowing out of his skin burned my nose enough to make me squint? Shocked that I might actually prefer to snuggle up to my pillow instead? I think the "shock" is a put on to protect themselves from the truth. There is no shock, only pretend.
My days with my AH go way back to the days when I always went for the bad boy type. In an odd comparison, it goes back to the days on the dance floor. DH wasn't looking at me when we danced, he was looking at himself. The other guys who were into me must not have been challenging enough. I had to go for the guys who were so into themselves, like they had a big secret I just had to find out. Now, I know lots of very attractive men, jocks and egos. My AH asked me once if I found any of them attractive. Nope. The only guy I find attractive is the one who is balding, tall and lanky, and sooooo in love with his wife. Next time around, that's the type of guy I'll be looking for.
Hang in there. I think it's so consuming to be with someone who is so self-absorbed. I think you'll feel a real load off your shoulders when you can be responsible for just yourself, rather than both of you.
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