sailorjohn

We had discussed it before she left for job training a little while back-actually I just said it to her, she wasn't very happy-that I needed to take the van back . I don't really want to-make that not at all-get into the dramatics, should I just send her an email? Was thinking something along the lines of, "you made the June payment so I'm willing to let you keep the van until the end of the month, but I would like you to turn it over at that time and earlier if you can manage it." When we were having a fairly ugly row I told her that I could go the legal route and have the van repod by a mutual acquaintance, but I don't want to have to go through the hassle, additional expense and subject her to possible public humiliation. Any thoughts? She got the new work-at-home job so she can't actually claim she has to have the van to work.

peaceteach

How about giving her two choices in the email. "I can pick the van up today (mid-month) or I can pick it up June 30th". She can choose.

SugarLily

Hey Sailorjohn, I don't think we've spoken directly before.

But I highlighted the word "willing".

That to me says that you could be persuaded out of your decision if she decides to.

Perhaps a more to the point " Pleased you made the June payment, I'll need it back before July"

sailorjohn

Yeah, I know that old trick, offer someone two choices and they usually take the latter! I just don't want to come off as harsh, she doesn't have any transportation to look for alternatives, her "friends" are all cut from the same cloth, utterly unreliable. I figure two weeks should be more than enough time, and she did threaten to 'hide' the van. I know alcoholics can be unpredictable, I want to choose language that will make everything seem as palatable as possible. And she did make the June payment.

sailorjohn

Drop the word willing, just say I need the van back by the end of the month at the latest? Or maybe something like ASAP but no later than June 30?

sailorjohn

Don't want it back, but my name is on the loan as cosigner, fortunately it is also on the title. I can't just waltz over there and demand it, all she has to do is call the cops, they'll tell me to take her to court, which I'd rather not do for the reasons stated previously.

I think it may be a symbol for her, for me it's another string and a potential headache in the future which I don't need.

SugarLily

You know, I think this is our problem. We are eager to help out others and then feel bad when we need the same in return. Are they ever hesitant in taking our help though?

My ex still owes me amongst other thousands; but he knows he owes me this month £300, and I text him so sweetly " Hi, Just wondering, If you can at all possible get me that money that would mean a lot to me, thank you"

I look back and think "what on earth?!!" what on earth was I thinking?? He owes me this money yet I am ***** footing about being nice about it?

The van is yours after June right? She knows that, you know that. If she is unwilling to accept these terms she is expecting you to be sweet and understanding and accept any excuse she can give.

I dunno, just email her "I'll be picking the van up at the end of the month, any sooner would be great".

SugarLily

I don't swear by the way. The asterisks I guess took offence to a cat?

GiveLove

Can you go to the bank and get yourself removed from the loan/title ? Can you speak to them and find out your legal options? (why isn't this part of a divorce settlement?) This seems the only way to handle it. I'm just wondering what you're going to do when she refuses to surrender the van? You can't forcibly take it, because she'll call the cops? Would you rather have a black mark on your credit or on your criminal record? If it's hidden, or she won't give it up, I'd spend a few bucks on an attorney and find a legal way to get your name off it, public announcement, etc.

Barbara52

You can remove your name from the title by signing it over to her. But the loan company would have to agree to taking your name off the loan, usually through a refinance by her. Doesn't sound like she's motivated to do that. You may end up with problem going to sell it also with her name on the title since she would have to agree to the sale. Would she be willing to sign over the title to you? Have you consulted with an attorney on how to handle all this.

sailorjohn

Thanks for the input guys. What I ended up sending:

Dear *****

Thanks for making the June payment, will need to have the van back by the end of the month at the latest, if you can get it to me earlier please let me know. And of course, if you can make arrangements to re-finance and get my name off the loan will be happy to sign off the title. Thanks.

John


Pretty even-handed I think, don't need to throw threats out. And if she doesn't respond in a positive fashion, have a pretty good lawyer for legal advice.

loner1968

That van is just keeping you two in each others lives. Is it really worth it? You sanity rests on a piece of machinery...just get it back and don't worry so much about hurting her or humiliating her. Trust me...I know...you could do everything possible to be nice and considerate of her and if she is anything like other A's she will tell people you are a jerk anyway. Please just get this thing done. I know you can...we are all here and we all support you!!!

sailorjohn

No, that is why I am going this route, don't need any more involvement here. I still feel that I can be as civil as is humanly possible, and that was always her big thing, 'what would people think'. I'm hoping she figures it's best to avoid a situation where the guy in a car hauler drives up and hands her a piece of paper, then hauls away her vehicle. Repo guys will take the vehicle when it's convenient for them, not the person losing the vehicle.

sailorjohn

So sorry, she's missed two payments, one of which I made myself. The June payment was the first she'd made since March 1, she's only made 7 payments in total, should have made 9 as of this date.

To my horror and amazement, FMCC told me that they would let her put up to 8 payments on the back end of the loan, but they would be recorded as late with additional finance charges.

Which is what she did in April, called them and had them put the payment on the back end, then sent me an email or text telling me that it was 'taken care of' without explaining exactly what it meant.

Klynn33

If it would help I could just come and get the van - then neither of you have anything else to worry about.
really.......my car is falling apart.....
kidding, I think what you sent her was more than appropriate - hope it goes well!

Lilyflower

Hey John,

Its really great that you have decided on a definate action over this whole van senario. I liked your message to her, short and to the point.

Hopefully now she will just return the van. If she doesn't by the end of the month, go straight ahead and have it taken back as you said before. She doesn't need anymore notice on this, both of you have gone swings and round-a-bouts over this. Stand firm and keep pushing forward.

Good luck to you!
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx