peaceteach

I'm so glad I read this thread today It is filled with such amazing tidbits of truth and life lessons! Thanks, all.

Janitw

Ditto........and then a realization hits home.......and a truth is faced.

cagefree

LOL! I love it! Ditto with my ex - tried to pop back into my life just when i'm moving on. It feels good to choose yourself over them

SailorKaren

I used to totally subscribe to the notion that no one can cause me to feel hurt unless I am already carrying hurt inside me. But I'm not as sure anymore. I've done enough remodeling around the house to know that bumping my head hurts every time! Or the fact that dusting off my long neglected bicycle and riding 15 miles means sitting gingerly for a week!
I guess that's why I'm interested in the neurobiology of loss. Maybe a better way of putting it is to pick up on something SailorJohn has been referring to, and say that no one can cause me to suffer unless I am already carrying suffering inside me. Pain is more closely a physical phenomenon; suffering is more closely a mental one. I need to re-member in my recovery, that I heal pain by not reinjuring myself, and I heal suffering by re-minding myself with love for me.

abcdefg

SK, this is really profound. it's an important distinction, i believe. it reminds me of the al-anon saying (at least that's where i first heard it), "pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

i think it's crucial for our recovery that we not take on the hurt, the guilt or the fears of the A. so for me it's a mistake to think to myself: i LET that happen to me (this is NOT always true) or if i can just LEARN from this i won't make the same "mistake" again (sometimes what i perceive as a mistake is just what happens in the universe).

this disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. so it can twist around me with the notion that if i just get bigger and smarter and more "responsible" for myself, i'll not get sucked in by alcoholism.

that's essentially why i can't recover alone. i never know where that fine line is between looking at my inventory, taking responsibility for my chioces and not wallowing in victimhood -- or, with dignity and grace, handing someone back the pile of crap they're trying to dump onto me to avoid their own accountability for harmful behavior.

these are just some first thoughts. your post gives me a lot to ponder on a spirtual level.

thanks.
abc

LaTeeDa

I should clarify that when the author speaks of "pain," he is referring to emotional-mental pain, not physical. Maybe suffering would be more accurate. The context of the entire book is really needed for it to make complete sense.

L