loner1968

I have no idea why I have been finding myself upset over things from the past. I mean like really bad. I don't know what's triggering it. I keep seeing pictures in my head of the X and his GF. I have not looked, or asked about him or heard anything about him in a long time. Not sure what this is about. Its been so long...why do I keep getting these images? Anyone have any ideas? This just should not be bothering me.

SS234

How long has it been for you? I'm having similar feelings - it's been a month and I'm having a more difficult time than usual . . .

freeflower

I had the same thing happen to me yesterday at work. I have been gone for 5 weeks from a 28 year marrage and I started thinking about all the time I wasted being such a huge CO and all the crap that goes along with trying to fix someone . I tell you, this is a process!!!!!!!!

Barbara52

An important part of the healing process for me was to forgive myself. I had to look at my actions and choices, admit I am a flawed human who made mistakes, ask forgiveness from my HP and then work at forgiving myself for what I saw I had done to myself and my children. Forgiving myself was much more difficult than forgiving my STBXAH. But without reaching the point where I forgave myself, I would have had a hard time moving forward.

Another thing that continues to happen to me is that as I heal, I discover new areas that need healing. For me, its a discovery process, discovering issues from my past that are affecting my present. I have found instances where undefined anxiety, anger, sadness, etc are related to those issues from my past. Dealing with those issues now is enabling further healing and personal development and has allowed me to figure where those feelings of anxiety, anger, etc. are coming from.

GiveLove

Loner,

Let your heart heal at its own pace. It may seem weird and unexplainable, it may seem like there's a lot of "shoulds" (i.e. "I should be free of all this by now") but truly, healing happens in strange ways and patterns.

Let it. Think of these odd interruptions as some weird but very kindly relative that keeps showing up at your door with strange gifts for you. Smile and admit you don't control the universe. Admit there may be some things that you just have to let flow at their own speed, in their own bumpy way. Then keep focusing on your own happiness.
GL

Kindeyes

Something similar has been happening to me but it's been in the form of dreams. I've been dreaming of being involved in the a/cd dance with my son. It's so strange how dreams can feel so real and the emotions feel so real. Very upsetting dreams. However, I think they serve a purpose. They remind me of how awful it felt to be involved in that dance and I NEVER want to do it again.

loner1968

Thanks all,
glad you understand. I guess the dream thing might actually explain it. They do seem real. Maybe there is still stuff in my brain that needs to get out since there was never any closure. IT was like "this is whats going to happen and too bad if it doesnt fit your plans or needs"... Hard to get closure from a A I suppose. I'm a little embarassed to say how long its been since i spoke with him. Makes me feel like a freak. But thanks for the thoughts and I think I just need to stop thinking about what I SHOULD and SHOULD NOT be feeling. Thanks to you all

I have been invited to a party tonight and i am afraid to go. Afraid to leave the safety of my boring predicatable bubble. I keep thinking I should not go.Would like to have a great excuse to never ever move from this spot in my life where i hate being... Just putting that out there too
Loner

Kindeyes

I have really really not wanted to go some place before.......and have really fretted about it. Then I go anyway and have a fabulous time. Go figure. All that fretting for nothing.

Sometimes it is important to step out of our little comfort zone to get our lives back.

gentle hugs