Lexusgirl: How did it go today?
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
Thank you for the sweet and caring post!
I don't meet him until 4 at the therapists office. I'm SOOO nervous!! I'll update you all when I get back. I wish we had more then an hour to spend together..
Hope you all are doing well!!
Hugs,
LG
I don't meet him until 4 at the therapists office. I'm SOOO nervous!! I'll update you all when I get back. I wish we had more then an hour to spend together..
Hope you all are doing well!!
Hugs,
LG
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
Hope the therapist's office is really, really big, because we're all going to be there with you!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Right now I'm 3 hours from home and I am sitting in my motel room feeling a little lost and as though this is very surreal.
But, I'm being strong for my son. The therapist has already met with him and told me a little about him. He is almost 6 foot
I hope I don't walk in and pass out when I see how he's changed.Thanks for the thoughts and prayers! :ghug2:ghug2
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
Thank you again for this thread.
It went well and he looks very very different. I was a little overwhelmed at all the changes that it seemed like he was a stranger, and he said the same about me.
I'm really hurting right now as I realize now I missed out and I don't think he feels very close to me anymore.
It went well and he looks very very different. I was a little overwhelmed at all the changes that it seemed like he was a stranger, and he said the same about me.
I'm really hurting right now as I realize now I missed out and I don't think he feels very close to me anymore.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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Originally Posted by lexusgirl
Thank you again for this thread.
It went well and he looks very very different. I was a little overwhelmed at all the changes that it seemed like he was a stranger, and he said the same about me.
I'm really hurting right now as I realize now I missed out and I don't think he feels very close to me anymore.
It went well and he looks very very different. I was a little overwhelmed at all the changes that it seemed like he was a stranger, and he said the same about me.
I'm really hurting right now as I realize now I missed out and I don't think he feels very close to me anymore.
I hope you will be kind to yourself tonight.
L
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 369
LaTeeDa said it best!
I know you're sad for the times you missed but you can't go back now and change the past. You CAN change things from this point forward. Today is the start of a beautiful new relationship with your son. That is AWESOME if you ask me.
Do you have plans to meet again soon?
Originally Posted by LaTeeDa
Strangers are just friends waiting to happen.
Do you have plans to meet again soon?
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
Most everyone I've talked to regarding our meeting, said the love between Mother and Son is something that you will always feel.
I'm afraid to tell you all how I really felt, but in order to work through this I will be honest with myself.
I felt totally disconnected from him. I felt as though we were two strangers sitting in a room together.
And the worst thing that I hate to say is, that I didn't feel the bond or the love between us. When I hugged him it seemed like I was hugging just someone else's child.
Our old connection and bond is gone. I'm grieving this. I searched and searched his face and his actions and couldn't find the remnents or familiarity of my son.
Am I a bad Mom for feeling numb and nothing?
My heart literally aches right now and I feel sick.
We scheduled one more meeting in two weeks with the therapist.
I'm afraid to tell you all how I really felt, but in order to work through this I will be honest with myself.
I felt totally disconnected from him. I felt as though we were two strangers sitting in a room together.
And the worst thing that I hate to say is, that I didn't feel the bond or the love between us. When I hugged him it seemed like I was hugging just someone else's child.
Our old connection and bond is gone. I'm grieving this. I searched and searched his face and his actions and couldn't find the remnents or familiarity of my son.
Am I a bad Mom for feeling numb and nothing?
My heart literally aches right now and I feel sick.
We scheduled one more meeting in two weeks with the therapist.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by lexusgirl
Most everyone I've talked to regarding our meeting, said the love between Mother and Son is something that you will always feel.
I'm afraid to tell you all how I really felt, but in order to work through this I will be honest with myself.
I felt totally disconnected from him. I felt as though we were two strangers sitting in a room together.
And the worst thing that I hate to say is, that I didn't feel the bond or the love between us. When I hugged him it seemed like I was hugging just someone else's child.
Our old connection and bond is gone. I'm grieving this. I searched and searched his face and his actions and couldn't find the remnents or familiarity of my son.
Am I a bad Mom for feeling numb and nothing?
My heart literally aches right now and I feel sick.
We scheduled one more meeting in two weeks with the therapist.
I'm afraid to tell you all how I really felt, but in order to work through this I will be honest with myself.
I felt totally disconnected from him. I felt as though we were two strangers sitting in a room together.
And the worst thing that I hate to say is, that I didn't feel the bond or the love between us. When I hugged him it seemed like I was hugging just someone else's child.
Our old connection and bond is gone. I'm grieving this. I searched and searched his face and his actions and couldn't find the remnents or familiarity of my son.
Am I a bad Mom for feeling numb and nothing?
My heart literally aches right now and I feel sick.
We scheduled one more meeting in two weeks with the therapist.
You are absolutely not a bad mom! I have zero experience for what you are dealing with, so the following is only my opinion.
I would think that it is completely normal to feel disconnected from someone you haven't seen in years, regardless of the biological connection. Am I understanding correctly that you have never had a relationship, or not had one for many years? How could that possibly just "be there" without the nurturing and attention that relationships require?
Give yourself a break on the expectations. It is what it is. The good news is that you get the opportunity to go from here. You have a "clean slate," so to speak. Try not to muddy it up with expectations and guilt over the past.
((((((LG))))))
L
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
Originally Posted by LaTeeDa
I would think that it is completely normal to feel disconnected from someone you haven't seen in years, regardless of the biological connection. Am I understanding correctly that you have never had a relationship, or not had one for many years? How could that possibly just "be there" without the nurturing and attention that relationships require?
I thought the first 10 years of a childs life were the most important?
We did talk about the past and all the good times we shared, and we laughed together.
He said: Remember when I had to go visit my Dad when I was younger and I didn't want to go..well I felt like I didn't know him very well, and thats how I feel about you now. That broke my heart.
I always thought we would be close no matter how much time had elapsed. I'm feeling tons of guilt.
It hurts so bad to know your son thinks of you as a stranger when you raised him most of his life. It also hurts that I no longer have that bond.
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