wish he'd quit

Ah and I were talking tonight and things got a little ugly. I finally told him that the reason why I dont want to save the marriage is because I will no longer live my life day to day wondering if he will drink again or if the verbal abuse or sexual abuse will resurface again. This was the first time I have ever told him that I felt sexually abused. I know that when he did what he did that he thought he was joking around. But I told him tonight that it is what it is whether he was drinking or not. So now he is worried that I will bring it up when we figuring things out in the divorce and he will go to prison. He apologized if I took it that way. I also told him that he doesnt realize the full scope of his behavior when he is drunk. I will no longer tolerate it.


He then tells me that we agree on everything but shared parenting. I know that the only reason that he wants it is because he doesnt want to pay child support. I am willing to not ask for the full amount that the court might give as long as it is still enough to help with the child care stuff. I will in no way agree to shared parenting because I will more than likely end up in a different town. Im not willing to make my kids go with out a scheduele because he doesnt want to pay. I have made it clear that he can see them or talk to them at any time with in reason as long as he is sober. So he asked me what makes me think that I deserve custody when I cant even keep my house clean. But my kids are well cared for. He also thinks that Im going to go live in HUD housing in a ghetto and they will become white trash. I would never live someplace that I thought was unsafe or detramental. I know that this is him being manipulative, but am I off base anywhere? I feel like I am being reasonable.

laurie6781

NO you are not off base. His drinking and drunkenness needs to be brought to the attention of the court, completely and thoroughly. The judge may even order supervised visits at first with unannounced drug testing. It's the children's safety that is involved.

All his other 'stuff' about HUD housing, living in ghetto, are just things to try and manipulate you. Stick to your guns.

And, I am sorry but he is not thinking of the kids, he is thinking of his 'pocket book.' Joint custody, where children live at one house part of the time, and then at the other house part of the time is EXTREMELY HARD on the children. If he wasn't so into the ISM (he I, Self, & Me) he would be able to see that.

So, again you are not off base, and you are being MORE than reasonable.

Keep doing what is best for you and your children.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Lilyflower

On a side note, what is the deal with being from the ghetto?

In Britain I believe this is the equivalent to our inner cities and being working class. Plenty of brilliant people come from the 'ghetto' and don't have problems with drugs or law breaking. Living in a certain environment, in my opinion, doesn't not influence how you grow into an adult, whether you will become an addict or get into trouble with the law. Drugs/law breaking/moral issues are just as much as a problem with ''rich'' families as they are with ''poor''/ghetto families. It's what you raise children to believe and how they respect themselves and others that is the key.

Just an honest opinion from a British Ghetto dweller!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxx

i4getsm

Stop discussing it with him and seek out a lawyer. I can't remember but do you have evidence of his drinking? He will not get primary or joint custody of the children. You do not need to worry about that at all. Keep documenting his activities (time spent at a bar, time spent drinking at home, money spent on drinking, etc.). Take those to your lawyer. If he's had a DUI or gone to rehab, take that documentation too. He has no idea what he is talking about. You won't lose your kids because you are not a clean freak! Use this opportunity to clean up some and take away this silly excuse. Also, you'll need to clean up if you're moving anyway.

Please go to talk to a lawyer and find out your rights. It's easy to be manipulated when you don't know what your rights are. He is full of BS!!!

hadenoughnow

I agree with this completely, my STBX tried the same crap, claiming that his drinking would not matter and that not only would he get 50/50% custody that he would get child support and alimony too!

Well when he found out that the court would do an evaluation of him he gave my physical custody and my son only visits with his dad 2 days a week (by his own choice, he finds his dad to be "high maintenance", shocking huh?) He has to pay me child support and he gets no alimony because I threatened to use the ample evidence of his addiction to stop him from getting any. Our assets were split 50/50, NONE of the things my AH said he would do came to pass.