He's gone....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 30
He's gone....
Hi everyone, I haven't been around in a while because I was busy having twins. They are now 6 months old!!
A week ago I had a big fight with ABF (twins Father) and he left. I thought he was cheating on me again because I found some stains in his jocks.
All that doesn't matter anymore. I have decided regardless of how broke I will be that I cant let his abuse eat at my spirit any more and my kids deserve to have a few nights when they dont get alcohol breathed all over them.
So he's gone. Says he doesn't love me any more. boo hoo.
He is still in denial that he is an alcoholic and says he has a 'drinking problem'. I'm not sure he realises that that is exactly what alcoholics have. Not my problem though. ( I think the term offends him. He thinks alcoholics hide bottles of vodka everywhere etc. He doesn't. Yet.)
So now I have the problem that he has left everything here other than his clothes, so he will have to come and get the stuff at some stage. Not to mention maybe visiting his kids. He told me Wed that he would come see the twins and he did for 45mins before baseball training.
Then he said he would come on fri evening. I even rang to double check on friday and he said yep. Then he doesn't show up and I call him and he's on his way home.....from where?......the pub.
THEN....he says he doesn't love me anymore (when asked) and he'll come around in the morning to sort out visitation etc.
Rings the next morning telling me some ****-and-bull story about how his car is buggered and he's going to get it fixed, he'll call me later to come see the twins. I had to take our daughter to the dr's. That was sat morning. it's now Mon morning and I haven't heard a thing. Hasn't even called to see how our daughter is.
I'm a bit hurt for the twins, if this is how it's going to be. Angry with myself that I didn't choose a better partner and therefore father.
I have had to tell his mother (ran into her at the supermarket) and his grandparents (who rang here wanting to speak to him), that we are no longer together. It was really hard to tell the grandparents because they adore the twins and are really worried about us. I told them we would be fine.
just needed to get that out.
Random question, what is quacking?
I am now trying not to worry about the next time he shows up and whether he will try to sing his way back into our lives or whether he will just be a mean bast*** and try to make my life hell. But it's hard. EVERY SINGLE time he has left before he comes back with a new arsenal of excuses and sweet talk.
Hopefully enough is enough this time.
I am a bit worried that I will take him back, even though I know better. He can be VERY manipulative.
thanks for reading.
A week ago I had a big fight with ABF (twins Father) and he left. I thought he was cheating on me again because I found some stains in his jocks.
All that doesn't matter anymore. I have decided regardless of how broke I will be that I cant let his abuse eat at my spirit any more and my kids deserve to have a few nights when they dont get alcohol breathed all over them.
So he's gone. Says he doesn't love me any more. boo hoo.
He is still in denial that he is an alcoholic and says he has a 'drinking problem'. I'm not sure he realises that that is exactly what alcoholics have. Not my problem though. ( I think the term offends him. He thinks alcoholics hide bottles of vodka everywhere etc. He doesn't. Yet.)
So now I have the problem that he has left everything here other than his clothes, so he will have to come and get the stuff at some stage. Not to mention maybe visiting his kids. He told me Wed that he would come see the twins and he did for 45mins before baseball training.
Then he said he would come on fri evening. I even rang to double check on friday and he said yep. Then he doesn't show up and I call him and he's on his way home.....from where?......the pub.
THEN....he says he doesn't love me anymore (when asked) and he'll come around in the morning to sort out visitation etc.
Rings the next morning telling me some ****-and-bull story about how his car is buggered and he's going to get it fixed, he'll call me later to come see the twins. I had to take our daughter to the dr's. That was sat morning. it's now Mon morning and I haven't heard a thing. Hasn't even called to see how our daughter is.
I'm a bit hurt for the twins, if this is how it's going to be. Angry with myself that I didn't choose a better partner and therefore father.
I have had to tell his mother (ran into her at the supermarket) and his grandparents (who rang here wanting to speak to him), that we are no longer together. It was really hard to tell the grandparents because they adore the twins and are really worried about us. I told them we would be fine.
just needed to get that out.
Random question, what is quacking?
I am now trying not to worry about the next time he shows up and whether he will try to sing his way back into our lives or whether he will just be a mean bast*** and try to make my life hell. But it's hard. EVERY SINGLE time he has left before he comes back with a new arsenal of excuses and sweet talk.
Hopefully enough is enough this time.
I am a bit worried that I will take him back, even though I know better. He can be VERY manipulative.
thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 369
I'm sorry you are going through this especially with newborn twins. As a fellow twin momma, I can empathize with how hard this time is just having the babies, let alone dealing with an A. Can you talk with a lawyer? I know you aren't married, but you can still get child support. As all the folks on this site will say, you need to protect YOU and those babies. And remember you need to play the tape all the way through when it comes to the sweet talk and excuses. Do you want to live your life like this?
(((HUGS))) Serious hugs because I am sure you are exhausted and stressed with just the babies.
(((HUGS))) Serious hugs because I am sure you are exhausted and stressed with just the babies.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I'll bet your twins are so beautiful! How blessed you are.
Quacking referes to the sort of thing your ABF says about doing this or that, the reasons/excuses for failures/mistakes, throwing the blame at you for his behaviors and so on. What you called a "new arsenal of excuses and sweet talk" is the quacking of an A.
Sounds like he is going to yank you this way and that on seeing the twins. Have you considered getting a formal visitation agreement? And child support too? It might protect you from some of the nonsense if it is all spelled out and formalized by the courts.
Stay strong for yourself and those sweet innocent babies! You and they deserve so much better than the life you would have if you get involved againt with their father.
My STBXAH also refuses to admit to alcoholism, at least in part because he tihinks alcoholics are those other folks who are homeless, dirty, etc. Since he still lives in a hosue (for a while longer at any rate) that's obviously not him. He just really, really enjoys drinking.
Quacking referes to the sort of thing your ABF says about doing this or that, the reasons/excuses for failures/mistakes, throwing the blame at you for his behaviors and so on. What you called a "new arsenal of excuses and sweet talk" is the quacking of an A.
Sounds like he is going to yank you this way and that on seeing the twins. Have you considered getting a formal visitation agreement? And child support too? It might protect you from some of the nonsense if it is all spelled out and formalized by the courts.
Stay strong for yourself and those sweet innocent babies! You and they deserve so much better than the life you would have if you get involved againt with their father.
My STBXAH also refuses to admit to alcoholism, at least in part because he tihinks alcoholics are those other folks who are homeless, dirty, etc. Since he still lives in a hosue (for a while longer at any rate) that's obviously not him. He just really, really enjoys drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 30
Well, I confronted him about not coming to see the twins and he jumps on the 'poor me' bandwagon. Asked me if I need money and saying he's sorry, all that jazz. Told him he should see the twins - he's not being fair and that it's hard for him is not their fault. If they don't know him that's his fault not theirs.
he also said that he had been to the Dr and he's been put on anti-depressants and that he was referred to a counselor. (probably only saying that because he thinks that's what I want to hear. ) I couldn't tell if he had been drinking or not but I assume he had.
He is a compulsive liar and it is always made worse when he is drinking. So I dont know if he is going to a counselor or not. I asked him why he was going, he said he wasn't coping and that he feels like there's no reason for being anymore. OMG lets get out the violins. It must be really difficult now that he doesn't have the status of husband/father anymore. Must be a pain that he gets to sleep through the night. Must be terrible now that he can get home whenever he likes, drink however much he likes and generally have the freedom of a single person. Have the money of a single person. grrrrrrrrr!!!
He said he really misses us. What? that 45 mins( if he saw the kids at all) we saw you each night? lol
Bitter you say? Me? NEVER. lol.
QUACK QUACK QUACK.
via SMS
'i know I didn't love you enough and I am sorry!'
'I really miss you and the kids but I dont know how to change things to make it good. I'm sorry!' Oh please. How about not lying cheating drinking and EXPLOITING me?
'you are a the best mother'
'I'm not a good father or partner and may never be, it scares me'
..................ok, that last one got me. I said 'It's all about priorities. If it's high enough on your list you can be good at whatever you wanna be good at'
Anyone else had to deal with this BS.
it's doing my head in that the twins are going to have to suffer this fool for the rest of their lives. Or suffer abandonment issues like I have if he disappears.
he also said that he had been to the Dr and he's been put on anti-depressants and that he was referred to a counselor. (probably only saying that because he thinks that's what I want to hear. ) I couldn't tell if he had been drinking or not but I assume he had.
He is a compulsive liar and it is always made worse when he is drinking. So I dont know if he is going to a counselor or not. I asked him why he was going, he said he wasn't coping and that he feels like there's no reason for being anymore. OMG lets get out the violins. It must be really difficult now that he doesn't have the status of husband/father anymore. Must be a pain that he gets to sleep through the night. Must be terrible now that he can get home whenever he likes, drink however much he likes and generally have the freedom of a single person. Have the money of a single person. grrrrrrrrr!!!
He said he really misses us. What? that 45 mins( if he saw the kids at all) we saw you each night? lol
Bitter you say? Me? NEVER. lol.
QUACK QUACK QUACK.
via SMS
'i know I didn't love you enough and I am sorry!'
'I really miss you and the kids but I dont know how to change things to make it good. I'm sorry!' Oh please. How about not lying cheating drinking and EXPLOITING me?
'you are a the best mother'
'I'm not a good father or partner and may never be, it scares me'
..................ok, that last one got me. I said 'It's all about priorities. If it's high enough on your list you can be good at whatever you wanna be good at'
Anyone else had to deal with this BS.
it's doing my head in that the twins are going to have to suffer this fool for the rest of their lives. Or suffer abandonment issues like I have if he disappears.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by thelightdawns 
Anyone else had to deal with this BS.
it's doing my head in that the twins are going to have to suffer this fool for the rest of their lives. Or suffer abandonment issues like I have if he disappears.
it's doing my head in that the twins are going to have to suffer this fool for the rest of their lives. Or suffer abandonment issues like I have if he disappears.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The beautiful Midwest
Posts: 202
As much as I hate to say it, my ABF has a 25 yr old son who, he never supported and rarely saw growing up....and he also has a 14 yr old daughter that craves his attention. Her grandparents have taken care of her for the past 6 years because her A mother and her A father aren't responsible enough to. The sad thing is , this child is growing up knowing that her mother, nor her father are able to raise her and neither act like they even want her. What a shame for this girl! My heart aches for her. My ABF never phones her and he only sees her on her birthdays. He is missing out on her entire life growing up and he doesn't even care. As long as he has his beer everynight he is happy. when that's not enough, he chugs a pint of vodka to get that extra buzz.
I know times are rough for you, trying to raise twins and other children in this situation but at least they are blessed to have a caring, devoted mother! God bless you for that!
Stay strong. Time will heal
I know times are rough for you, trying to raise twins and other children in this situation but at least they are blessed to have a caring, devoted mother! God bless you for that!
Stay strong. Time will heal
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
