Thrown out by AW/SO and hurting
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
I'm so sorry you are hurting right now. I too struggle with shame and it helps me to write it all down. I find myself confused as to what really happened because my STBXAH loved to gaslight me and I took the blame and ignored my gut instincts. I denied my own reality for someone else and I feel a lot of shame and anger toward myself for that. I am happy I am aware of this now and I am working on why I did this too myself for so long. Now, I am proud of myself for having the courage to finally act and save myself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Karen,
There is no shame in being incompatible with someone. Compatibility -- having similar values, views about things like smoking, etc. -- is not something that you can just expect. It is either there, or it isn't.
You shouldn't feel bad that you came to realize that you and your ex were incompatible. It hurts, absolutely, but it's nothing like the hurt of staying in a relationship where your views, your gifts, and your ways of living are held in contempt. Some people stay for years in that kind of toxic soup.
Have you considered talking to a counselor about how your "corporal punishment" upbringing is affecting how you operate in relationships now? I know it helped me a LOT. Not a lifetime, woody-allen kind of thing, just a few sessions with someone who'll help shine a bright light on how you might be sabotaging yourself.
Bravo to you for your job kudos, by the way!!! Keep putting yourself in those situations as much as you can. Strengthen yourself - keep reminding yourself, by those accomplishments, what a good and capable person you are! Eventually, you will undo much of the lousy programming your parents gave you.
Hugs,
GL
There is no shame in being incompatible with someone. Compatibility -- having similar values, views about things like smoking, etc. -- is not something that you can just expect. It is either there, or it isn't.
You shouldn't feel bad that you came to realize that you and your ex were incompatible. It hurts, absolutely, but it's nothing like the hurt of staying in a relationship where your views, your gifts, and your ways of living are held in contempt. Some people stay for years in that kind of toxic soup.
Have you considered talking to a counselor about how your "corporal punishment" upbringing is affecting how you operate in relationships now? I know it helped me a LOT. Not a lifetime, woody-allen kind of thing, just a few sessions with someone who'll help shine a bright light on how you might be sabotaging yourself.
Bravo to you for your job kudos, by the way!!! Keep putting yourself in those situations as much as you can. Strengthen yourself - keep reminding yourself, by those accomplishments, what a good and capable person you are! Eventually, you will undo much of the lousy programming your parents gave you.
Hugs,
GL
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