TDinATL

Hi Everyone,

I went today for a "2nd Opinion" from another attorney on my divorce case. My current lawyer had let a deadline pass and I had some other questions about the way things were being handled. Turns out I'm OK but I did manage to get some questions answered.

I found out some shocking info about alcohol though, not sure if I'll word this exactly right but I'll nail the premise. I know this applies in my state and others as well.

If you claim alcohol as grounds for a divorce it can backfire on you in extreme cases. Since A is an illness it can be claimed as an illness and not only can the A possibly get disability but this would also open me up for an alimony claim even though she works!

I really thought my case was an 'open and shut' situation, but apparently it's not. Looks like the courts lean a lot more towards a small woman claiming a husband was abusive than they do a big guy claiming alcohol abuse. The last night my wife came home drunk she got in my face and I ended up pushing her down on a couch. Even worse there was an email exchange between us where I said I didn't regret it and she probably deserved more. BIG stupid move on my part - no matter how drunk she was. That statement alone, that ONE case of me losing it after 10 years of this might be the deciding factor in how things go.

I sure am not going to claim me losing my temper was OK, but anyone that's been on the receiving end of an alcoholic spouse knows the frustration that you face. I had it for the better part of 10 years on and off.

I have a court date next week to see where this will go.

NYC_Chick

Sorry TD. That sounds rough.

If you think that's bad, there is a law on the books in NY that says if you got an advanced degree during the marriage, they can attach your future earnings when deciding on spousal support. One of my law school friends ran to divorce court and had it finalized a few months before graduation. Scary.

Hang in there and good luck with your hearing!

lexusgirl

Wow that sounds ridiculous, but, nothing within the court system suprises me anymore.

Good luck to you TD. Your in my thoughts and prayers:ghug

Hikeon

I can't help but get so angry when I hear about A's getting away with disgusting behavior, AND THEN support from courts etc.

The more I look into HOW MANY people go through the song and dance of addiction, the more I question WHY this issure isn't out there for the world to examine.

Do you know the memory game "6 Degrees from Kevin Bacon"? If you replace Kevin Bacon with ADDICTION, you only need 2 degrees! Almost everyone you ask knows someone married to an A or that used to date an A or IS an A!

But still we live in a world where addiction is all but unknown, until you reach the worst stages of it.

Barbara52

TD, I sure do understand your frustration. It just isn't logical the way the courts sometimes work. Hang in there. You will get thru all this.

I am waiting to find out if my AH is going to file for bankrupcy. If he does, it puts my divorce on hold for while. Arrrrgggg. Oh well, with time it will happen. At this point, I can be patient.

laurie6781

Okay that used to be true, however, Social Security no longer grants either SSI or SSDI on alcoholism alone. Nope. Too many were getting SSI and SSDI and were STILL drinking and using.

Hasn't Georgia gone to "No Fault" divorce??? I thought all 50 states now had No Fault.

Not when your attorney shows it was ONCE and at the end of 10 years not at the beginning. I doubt that that would be much of a deciding factor on the part of a judge, especially a Family Court Judge.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

TDinATL

Yes, we have 'Irretreviably Broken' as grounds for the divorce and I hear that is what the documents will show. However I was also told that she could push her case of abuse for alimony, division of property and for me to pay her attorney's fees.

She's claiming the one act of violence but she also claims I was verbally abusive throughout our marriage. We argued plenty, that's for sure, but it's a matter of your point of view as to who said what and who was abusive.

Kindeyes

Divorce can make the most sane person crazy. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now but it's there. Once the divorce is final, you will have the chaos behind you. Keep us posted on how things are going.

gentle hugs

Shivaya

Thanks TD for sharing this information...I had never even thought that a court would see A as a disease (even though it is), and that it could backfire.

Definitely something to think about....and I pray that California does not see it this way.

Sending good thoughts your way and please keep us posted.

Shivaya

laurie6781

It does, but it doesn't. Yes the courts accept that it is a disease, however, do not accept the 'disease' as an "excuse" for behaviors against the spouse or children.

California in that respect is quite 'advanced.' lol

You shouldn't have any worries on that count.

Oh and they also take it into SERIOUS consideration when considering visitation by the alcoholic spouse and many times set 'supervised visits' and unannounced drug tests, lol
This has been ongoing in California since the early '80's.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

FormerDoormat

The more time I spend on this forum, the more I realize that I made the right choice in remaining unmarried. I had a long-term (25 years), exclusive relationship with Richard, and when it ended, I simply walked away with no strings attached. There were no co-mingled funds/accounts or investments to split, no jointly owned property to split, and no alimony payments required.

really_fed_up

I'm so sorry you are going through this tough time... My thoughts are with you.

Hugs