I knew it was an illusion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: QLD, Australia
Posts: 22
I knew it was an illusion
I just knew deep down it wouldn't last. She tried but just hasn't got what it needs to beat this.
I was wondering about something. How long does it take to reach the stage of resisting all temptations? Is it really that hard to say NO to a drink?
I am trying so hard to understand, but just can't get my head around this.
I know she is sick, but she went 7 days and bummed out again. I just don't understand.
The bashing on the head is for me. I just don't get it!!!
I was wondering about something. How long does it take to reach the stage of resisting all temptations? Is it really that hard to say NO to a drink?
I am trying so hard to understand, but just can't get my head around this.
I know she is sick, but she went 7 days and bummed out again. I just don't understand.
The bashing on the head is for me. I just don't get it!!!
Keepingmyjoy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 328
I wish I could answer that for myself! But I would think it would be a different time for each person...they have to be fully ready to commit...my AH isn't able to beat it either. Take care of you in the meantime!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: QLD, Australia
Posts: 22
I have been really good just focusing on my life and what I need to do, but with her slipping each time gets me so frightened for her.
Detachment is very hard to do. It creeps up on you even though it is what I know I should be doing. Sooo hard. I have to do it again today. I just wont say a word, even though I want to give her a verbal bashing, but I know it will do no good.
What I can't get out of my mind is how this is such a waste of a life. A beautiful girl who has got it all but refuses or can't let go of what is preventing her to live the life she wants.
It is so hard to just stand by and do nothing and say nothing except to pray for her and hope that one day she sees the light.
I have to stop getting my hopes up. :codiepolice
Detachment is very hard to do. It creeps up on you even though it is what I know I should be doing. Sooo hard. I have to do it again today. I just wont say a word, even though I want to give her a verbal bashing, but I know it will do no good.
What I can't get out of my mind is how this is such a waste of a life. A beautiful girl who has got it all but refuses or can't let go of what is preventing her to live the life she wants.
It is so hard to just stand by and do nothing and say nothing except to pray for her and hope that one day she sees the light.
I have to stop getting my hopes up. :codiepolice
Keepingmyjoy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 328
Yep, it's hard to watch isn't it? Detachment might be one of the hardest things to do. But, sometimes, it is necessary to prevent us from going down with them because the emotions can get too much for us. My hopes have been dashed many times. I had to finally remove myself from living with him (my story is here if you click on my name to view my posts).
For me, "trying to get my head around this" behavior made me go round and round in circles in my mind. There seems to be, at least for me, no way to understand it since we are not A's. But for me, I finally realized that I did not have to understand it anymore to know that I could not live with his consequences anymore.
No matter how you look at it, it hurts. Hang in there.
For me, "trying to get my head around this" behavior made me go round and round in circles in my mind. There seems to be, at least for me, no way to understand it since we are not A's. But for me, I finally realized that I did not have to understand it anymore to know that I could not live with his consequences anymore.
No matter how you look at it, it hurts. Hang in there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: QLD, Australia
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
right or wrong, she is living her life by her own accord....regardless of how it looks to US, regardless of what we think they COULD be doing with their lives.....it will never be our call, OUR decision to make....detachment is the art of giving another person full and complete autonomy over their own lives, and if we have judgement on that, to remove ourselves to a distance where their conduct no longer impacts our lives...........as we would want for ourselves, we give to others.........
I am so greatful to the information you all give me and others. I have been reading and my heart goes out to you all that are going through this.
Thank you. Thank you so much for allowing me to lean on you and learn from you.
:ghug
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Heya witsend---
Most alcoholics go through several attempts at getting sober.
She may have started drinking again but she still has those 7 days of sobriety - that doesn't go away.
Each time she tries to recover she will learn something new and hopefully one day she will have the strength to commit to a program and get sober/recover.
Oy - how many times in the past I've gotten my hopes up for one of my brothers -- just to feel dashed, AGAIN!!
Now I just am glad for any days they get sober - I know it helps clear their head and gives their liver a break....I have hope but no great expectation and therefore I cannot get crushed when they start drinking again.
I've been on this roller coaster a LONG time - and truthfully I still am disappointed and sad since they are still drinking - but I am so much better than when I began going to AlAnon 15 years ago...and learned (slowly!) how to detach and not let their problems overwhelm my life!!
The path to recovery is a rocky one for most, and the compulsion to drink is overwhelming - an alcoholics brain has been re-wired to need the alcohol, I saw a documentary in my Psych class about it just last month - how alcohol alters the actual shapes and behaviors of the neurons in the brain. Now we all know that this can be reversed - but the enormous effort that takes requires more than the standard amount of "willpower." That's why they have to really hit bottom before their brain will be able to go through the withdrawal, and the re-wiring it will need to do to get sober again.
My heart goes out to you. there's no way to totaly take the pain away for yourselves but FOR SURE educating yourself about addiction, maybe AlAnon if you can try it, working a program, therapy, reading all the books suggested here, posting and reading on SR, and seriously working hard on your own life, your own issues, your own problems goes a LONG way towards easing the pain. There's a test of our own willpower right there!! Deep breath!!
Sending you (((HUGS)))
Peace,
B.
Most alcoholics go through several attempts at getting sober.
She may have started drinking again but she still has those 7 days of sobriety - that doesn't go away.
Each time she tries to recover she will learn something new and hopefully one day she will have the strength to commit to a program and get sober/recover.
Oy - how many times in the past I've gotten my hopes up for one of my brothers -- just to feel dashed, AGAIN!!
Now I just am glad for any days they get sober - I know it helps clear their head and gives their liver a break....I have hope but no great expectation and therefore I cannot get crushed when they start drinking again.
I've been on this roller coaster a LONG time - and truthfully I still am disappointed and sad since they are still drinking - but I am so much better than when I began going to AlAnon 15 years ago...and learned (slowly!) how to detach and not let their problems overwhelm my life!!
The path to recovery is a rocky one for most, and the compulsion to drink is overwhelming - an alcoholics brain has been re-wired to need the alcohol, I saw a documentary in my Psych class about it just last month - how alcohol alters the actual shapes and behaviors of the neurons in the brain. Now we all know that this can be reversed - but the enormous effort that takes requires more than the standard amount of "willpower." That's why they have to really hit bottom before their brain will be able to go through the withdrawal, and the re-wiring it will need to do to get sober again.
My heart goes out to you. there's no way to totaly take the pain away for yourselves but FOR SURE educating yourself about addiction, maybe AlAnon if you can try it, working a program, therapy, reading all the books suggested here, posting and reading on SR, and seriously working hard on your own life, your own issues, your own problems goes a LONG way towards easing the pain. There's a test of our own willpower right there!! Deep breath!!
Sending you (((HUGS)))
Peace,
B.
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