DesertEyes

Nope. One of the things that alcohol did to me was destroy and sense of caring or concern for other people. All I cared about was _me_. I've heard in meetings that the word "Alcohol + ism" stands for Alchohol + I + Self + Me.

What motivated me into recovery was death. I was living in a trash dumpster, dying of malnutrition and who knows how many diseases. I had destroyed every friendship I ever had, alienated every service worker I ever met. I had a "moment of clarity" when I recognized that I had come to a choice in my life. Either I quit being the person that I was, get humble and follow the directions of the service workers I had met, or I was going to quit being the person I was and _die_.

I chose recovery for the same reason I chose to drink. For reasons of selfishness.

It just so happend that the dumpster I was living in was behind a church. A priest came out to dump the trash and found me. They had a small shelter for drunks in their basement, and meetings of AA. They told me I had to mop the floors to pay for my cot and food. I had to shower every day or be thrown out. As a reminder of the fact that I was free to leave I also had the job of taking the trash out to the dumpster, twice daily.

Had there been _one_ last person to take me in I would not have wound up in that dumpster, and in that church. I likely would have died of malnutrition on the couch of some other drunks' apartment, or died of a stroke in a bar, or killed by a grocer while I tried to steal from them.

Today I still buy most of my clothes at the Salvation Army. Helps me remember where I would be if not for recovery.

Mike

mallowcup

Thank You so much for that reply. These are the tools that help us. What helps, what matters and what doesn't. By reinforcing these truths, we can be reassured that stepping away is not abandoning. The act of ignoring someone is not passive. Turning things over is not easy or passive. It takes courage and confidence that what is right may not appear proactive. To do nothing is very very hard. If we know it is best, it is easier. It is like watching someone fall from a tall building knowing they are going to break every bone in their body and just standing there. Maybe they need to break every bone in their body to understand what jumping off a building has serious consequences. Thanks again.

really_fed_up

Hi,

Thank you for posting here...I think it truly helps us to hear from the perspectives of the alcoholics...because with the A in my life--my sister--her behavior at times is truly maddening. So thank you for your perspective!

DESIGNER

wow thanks for that answer....I just posted about how selfish the exabf is being and it is so hard to accept that alcoholics just don't care about the ones that loved them for so long. I just have to accept that that is the way he is being and just pray to God that one day he finds himself and his compassion again.