DESIGNER

Wow once again it is like I could have posted this. I noticed that you said that you are not perfect and have said your fair share of nasty things.....I did the exact same thing and that is what I beat myself up most for. If I wouldn't have said this or that or wouldn't have acted all crazy maybe things would be different and he wouldn't want to get out of this relationship. Those were my thoughts and still are at times but i have to remember that I was just as sick with the disease of alchoholism as he was and it makes us into someone that we don't know and are not proud of.

I also was so sick of dealing with his crap but still would have taken him back...luckily for me he does not want me back and i realize that this is for the better b/c now I don't have to deal with the blackouts or the drunk driving or the missing work...etc.

Hang in there....your twin boys need you.

lexusgirl

I do still feel this way. Your AH isn't running away from you, he's running away from reality. Maybe being around you is a constant reminder of how he has hurt you, and alcoholics don't want to be bothered with feelings, they prefer to push them down, thats why they stay numb all the time.

I too have said my share of nasty things.

My counselor said it's good to feel your feelings, if not we tend to push them down and become numb, then they resurface later only stronger.

Hang in there, and keep posting.

i4getsm

Thanks to all of you. It's sad that anyone else has to deal with this but I feel better knowing that it's not just me with these thoughts or actions. Makes me feel a little less crazy.

I am sad today though. Just down. He stayed here last night but we didn't really speak at all. I think I'll feel better when he's not here anymore. He wasn't drinking or arguing last night. I kept thinking...couldn't it just be like this all the time? But then I thought...oh yeah, he's ignoring me...and it IS like that all of the time.

DESIGNER

I know that you would rather have a night like this where you could come home and not argue and he not drink(him not have a problem) and you just enjoy the night together and your twin little boys? Basically just enjoy this prescious time we have on earth.I know that you want this with him.....believe me I wanted it to be that way soooo bad with my exabf. Our good times where so great(when He was trying to improve himself) and I yearned for that feeling all the time.....but it never lasted. God the disappointment I used to feel took over my body so bad. I hated feeling that way. Everyone of us here wants the alchoholic to snap out of it and be the husband or wife that they may have once known or the husband or wife they everyonce in a while still see glimpse of. The thing is is that(I am sure that you have already heard this)he has to want this for himself. NOTHING that we do will make the alchoholic see the light.

I know that I did not have children involved and I was not married but we were together for 4 yrs and we lived together. I was willing to be with him for life and I wanted it to work out so bad.

You are not crazy...trust me. At the time i probably looked like the crazy person also. I was trying to save a person that just did not want to save themselves. It is so sad b/c you want that person so bad to be able to really enjoy this life and you see the craziness around you it makes you crazy

This was a huge thing for me when I got out of the relationhship 2 months ago. I felt that I was crazy and why would anyone want to be with me? That was what I thought.....he left me b/c I had the problem and I created the problem. You know what? I have not been crazy(upset maybe) this past 2 months and he continues to drink. It was not me and little by little I am learning that(the things that my family and friends have been trying to tell me forever).

Hang in there and keep on typing...I will pray for you that things will get easier.

:ghug3

i4getsm

He ended up having to leave tonight for his business trip. I asked if he had told his folks about us breaking up and he said "not yet". He's planning to ask to stay with his aunt until he figures out where to stay. He hasn't talked to her either. I told him I need you to be out when you get back. He asked what about Saturday night...I said you better find a place.

I tell you all this story because he continues to expect me to figure it all out for him. I'm pretty sure he'll show up here on Saturday and have no clue what to do. Or at the very least, he'll be expecting me to help him. There is some serious eye rolling going on here. And to top it all off, he talked this weekend about seeing the boys before going on his trip. He's either had stuff to do or been working late. I think he's seen them for a total of 2-3 hours since Thursday. Of course when they saw him tonight (when they were going down for the night), they seriously cried until I got them back out of their cribs to hang with him. He plays with them for maybe 10 mins and then says I've gotta go. :wtf2 I know I will move past this but I worry so much about my kids.

I know he'll be getting drunk while on his trip (and doing gosh knows what else). I am some what relieved to be away from him and his issues, but part of me still prays that he at least doesn't hurt himself.

Thanks for letting me continue to vent. Shannon

goldeelox

This is so hard isn't it? Feeling like you love him and want to be with him,yet you can't stand the ups and downs. I'm going through it right now. All I can say is try and get some support for yourself becasue you can't make him do or not do anything. I really wish there was a simple solution or something we could do to make it all stop.Sadly there isn't. Keep posting here. So many of us can relate.