wish he'd quit

We had gone out to eat with some friends of ours. When we left, we no sooner left than ah asked me to pull into the grocery store to get some beer. DS said to him "Dad can't you go 1 day with no beer?" I don't remember what exactly he said back to him, but ds then said " Dad beer isnt everything in the world." For a 5 year old he is wise beyond his years. But during the conversation at one point ah told him that he would quit next week. We all know next week will never happen. I'm just praying that ds doesnt remember this next week though Im sure he will. It breaks my heart that my son has to go through this. It is such a big motivater to get us out of the situation.

LucyA

It's not your son breaking your heart really is it? It's his daddy breaking both your hearts because he can.

Bernadette

hey wish he'd quit-

yup, that's heartbreaking. but a good reminder that kids know what's going on - they have eyes and ears and sensitivity...

I remember the first time I explained "addiction" to my oldest son. He was 6, stuff was going down in my family and although he didn't know details and drama he deserved an explanation for what was upsetting mom so much.

He listened and I could see the gears turning in his head. Then he asked me. "Mom, why aren't carrots addicitve?" I almost fell off my chair! I was like "I DON'T KNOW but I wish they were!!!!"

Start the conversations early with your son...call things by their correct names, without judging his father at all you can start explaining about addiction and codependency. Kids do well with the facts. Apparently their imaginations are so active that if they sense tension or anxiety in the house and no one tells them what is going on they will almost always imagine it has something to do with something bad that THEY did...sweet little muffins.

It was one of the biggest and hardest resentments toward my mother that AlAnon helped me FINALLY let go of that she didn't talk to us kids about my father's alcoholism. She didn't name it and the one time I dared to she slapped me right across the face. Nice.

Take care of yourself! Your son sounds like a very healthy smart little guy!
Peace,
B.

wish he'd quit

LucyA you are right. It's not my ds that is breaking my heart. Its AH. I never thought about it like that until you said something. I'm just broken hearted because he and dd have to go through this crap. But I'm working on that so hopefully that will change soon!

Spiritual Seeker

Our children are our teachers.
There is no protecting them from reality.

NYC_Chick

:ghug

AWEDA

Yes,hearing our children speak of things they should not have to deal with is heartbreaking.
My AH has been out of our lives for over a year now. They did see him once in a while over the past year but know he cannot be with us.
My 8 yaer old is in the "banana splits" group at school. This is a group of kids who have parents not living together.
She spoke for the first time at the last meeting and says "I don't know where my Daddy is but I know he loves me." "He just can't be a Daddy right now."
I am so sad that they have to deal with this adult BS. All I can do is Love them and keep communication open,keeping it simple to their age level.