respect
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 225
respect
Originally Posted by FormerDoormat 
I believe that a step up on a soapbox is often a cry for help--one that comes from deep down inside and then erupts into an unexpected emotional outburst. It's a conflict that arises when the heart and mind are not in sync. But if I listen carefully as I step down off the soapbox, it's a fabulous learning opportunity.
You take take the above quote as justification for disregarding people's opinons, but that would be a shame, and miss the point as I see it.
I often find it useful to go back and read people's posting histories. We've all come here for a similar reason, but we are all at different places. Understanding those different perspectives has inevitably led me to compassion in the past, even for people who were bothering me.
I think that the wonderful thing that happens here is that there is such a diversity of perspective. It would be a shame to only "hear" one perspective, even if is the "right" one.
peace.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
I agree with FD's statement whole-heartedly.
I can look back now and see when I was at my most angry - lashing out - I was scared to death. My whole world was spinning in a direction I could not define or understand. Everything I held as a truth was becoming a lie.
The experience, strength and hope that is shared by those "further along" than me has helped me grow. I try every day to honor what I've learned from them - to live compassionately and speak my truth.
I can look back now and see when I was at my most angry - lashing out - I was scared to death. My whole world was spinning in a direction I could not define or understand. Everything I held as a truth was becoming a lie.
The experience, strength and hope that is shared by those "further along" than me has helped me grow. I try every day to honor what I've learned from them - to live compassionately and speak my truth.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 225
What? I'm not calling anyone out at all. Quite the opposite.
Who on earth would I have a problem with? Everyone has been so helpful to me, and I am thankful for the time that it takes to answer.
I just felt sad at the disrespect everyone was having for each other on another thread. But I guess this didn't come across as I intended.
Who on earth would I have a problem with? Everyone has been so helpful to me, and I am thankful for the time that it takes to answer.
I just felt sad at the disrespect everyone was having for each other on another thread. But I guess this didn't come across as I intended.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
I think I see what you are getting at good_luck. I just don't see that "other thread" through the lens you do.
Not a good thing, not a bad thing. Just my thing.
The suggestion has been made before by other members still here and not, that histories be read. It's not always easy because we've had some crashes that eliminated them.
It's an interesting concept - because I am not the person I was a year ago, or two years ago. That is why I speak from the now. Those I gained the most from also spoke from their "now." I didn't always like what they had to say, but there you go, they helped me the most.
Not a good thing, not a bad thing. Just my thing.
The suggestion has been made before by other members still here and not, that histories be read. It's not always easy because we've had some crashes that eliminated them.
It's an interesting concept - because I am not the person I was a year ago, or two years ago. That is why I speak from the now. Those I gained the most from also spoke from their "now." I didn't always like what they had to say, but there you go, they helped me the most.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Knowing someone's history helps me to understand how they came to be who they are today. Threads that take on a "feisty tone" are great learning experiences--for everyone.
Here's what I learned from that thread: I don't have a problem if someone shares an opinion that's different than mine or even if they disagree with me. Sometimes, they're able to convince me that their point of view makes more sense and is a healtheir choice, other times it helps me validate that my choice is the right one for me.
What bothers me to no end is when someone tries to tell me what to feel or how to think or what my role in a relationship should be. I am capable of thinking for myself. But again something good can come out of the anger a certain poster's response stirred in me. It serves as a reminder that when I try and control another person's actions, behavior, choices, or thinking, that communication ends and anger begins. I've seen this happen time and time again with the alcoholic in my life. Today, the tables were turned.
Thank you for this post today, GoodLuck.
Here's what I learned from that thread: I don't have a problem if someone shares an opinion that's different than mine or even if they disagree with me. Sometimes, they're able to convince me that their point of view makes more sense and is a healtheir choice, other times it helps me validate that my choice is the right one for me.
What bothers me to no end is when someone tries to tell me what to feel or how to think or what my role in a relationship should be. I am capable of thinking for myself. But again something good can come out of the anger a certain poster's response stirred in me. It serves as a reminder that when I try and control another person's actions, behavior, choices, or thinking, that communication ends and anger begins. I've seen this happen time and time again with the alcoholic in my life. Today, the tables were turned.
Thank you for this post today, GoodLuck.
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
I must be out of the loop, I think the atmosphere has been great. Its been quite a while since I read a thread and saw disrespect in it.
I think we are all very respectful to one another. The opportunity is always there for growth if it is wanted, I think that postings can offer this opportunity by their ability to vary in opinion, depth of insight, view points, ideas, experiences etc.
Your bringing this up, Good Luck, shows your compassionate side and caring nature for those who may have taken offense to any postings on this site, this is a beautiful thing.
For me, I am beginning to feel that this issue is ongoing as we have had many variations on your post before; concerning showing/giving respect to others etc. I feel that there will always be one or two people who may take what I say incorrectly; or at times I lack the ability to describe adaquately what I am conceiving in my mind and this can lead to misinterpretation. There are also so many various characters here. We are like a small town! We all know one anothers lives to some extent, and as time progresses we get to know each other too.
I have now been a memeber here since October 2007, and in that time I have come to the conclusion that the posters here have only goodness and well wishes in their hearts for me. I have been at times initially put off by a reply to my posts/threads, but I know this is a gut reaction and when I allow myself time to digest and look behind the words; I find good intentions and insight into my own character.
Lily xxxxxxxxxxx
I think we are all very respectful to one another. The opportunity is always there for growth if it is wanted, I think that postings can offer this opportunity by their ability to vary in opinion, depth of insight, view points, ideas, experiences etc.
Your bringing this up, Good Luck, shows your compassionate side and caring nature for those who may have taken offense to any postings on this site, this is a beautiful thing.
For me, I am beginning to feel that this issue is ongoing as we have had many variations on your post before; concerning showing/giving respect to others etc. I feel that there will always be one or two people who may take what I say incorrectly; or at times I lack the ability to describe adaquately what I am conceiving in my mind and this can lead to misinterpretation. There are also so many various characters here. We are like a small town! We all know one anothers lives to some extent, and as time progresses we get to know each other too.
I have now been a memeber here since October 2007, and in that time I have come to the conclusion that the posters here have only goodness and well wishes in their hearts for me. I have been at times initially put off by a reply to my posts/threads, but I know this is a gut reaction and when I allow myself time to digest and look behind the words; I find good intentions and insight into my own character.
Lily xxxxxxxxxxx
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