ToughChoices

My AH is back from inpatient rehab and 33 days sober. He's living in an apartment and coming over to the house to visit myself and our son, and things are going quite well so far.

Here's the rub - I'm really trying to distance myself from him physically in order to relieve some of the worrying that dominated my life with him before, but - it's HARD!!! I keep picturing him sitting in that empty apartment and drinking. I know it's not my problem, but sometimes it's difficult to feel it's not my problem.

Any tips on how to focus on myself? I attend al-anon meetings, and I'm seeing a counselor. Still, today I'm feeling the dread of not-knowing what he's up to. Words of wisdom are appreciated! Thanks!

Kiets

I think it helps to turn to friends and family who can support you. It must be difficult to support someone else when you really feel weak and hurt yourself. Find someone to strengthen you so that you can be strong for your AH.

God Bless!

GiveLove

toughchoices,

When I was going through a similar time, I had a very hard time focusing on me instead of him. That's what codependency will do for a person: I worried about his sobriety, but wasn't taking care of myself with a good diet, avoidance of stress, or fresh air or exercise. I worried about what HE was doing, but neglected the fact that I didn't like my job, wasn't cultivating any new friendships, and wasn't setting any goals or building any dreams of my own.

Breaking out of those patterns, where I obsessed about someone else's life instead of actively staying busy building joy into my own, was very hard....some days I had to force myself to stop thinking about him and do something for ME, just to keep out of the trap of wrapping my whole life around someone else's choices and actions.

Just my experience.....I know how hard it is to rein in a mind that wants to run to him....but for your sake and your child's, you have to. Maybe you can ask your counselor for some concrete actions you can take in times like this? (I know that helped me)

justanothrdrunk

You're in recovery too. Recovery takes time.

Shivaya

I can relate to this feeling. My AH has not been to rehab, he's trying to do it on his own........I know he drinks with friends, don't know what/how much, etc.

I, too, know that I should not be focusing on what he's doing, but what I'm doing. I have to remind myself daily!

Sending good thoughts your way.

Shivaya