really_fed_up

Yesterday felt like the hardest day of my life: accepting that I can't help my sister and she needs to be the one to do it, and then realizing that I wasn't doing her any favors by letting her stay with me and my husband. My dad called my brother and screamed at him again, telling him what "bad people" my husband and I were for "kicking Jane out on the streets". I wanted to call him back, to yell and curse and tell him how dare he speak to my brother that way, etc. etc., but I didn't. My husband--who has been my rock and my strength in all of this--hugged me and held me and said, "today will be very, very hard, but we are doing the right thing. And as long as we continue to do the right thing, it will get easier". I suddenly realized that I was powerless over my father's reactions, and i have a choice in distancing myself from him as well as Jane. So I didn't call him back.

I slept okay last night, and this morning I felt a little bit better. Jane left me a tearful message on my voicemail, saying that she will be continuing to stay at the hotel my parents are putting her up in because my husband and I "don't care and kicked her out". I erased the voice mail, wrote an email to her, went away from it for awhile, revised the email, told her I loved her, but that I need to put myself and my family first. I left a voice mail at the hotel asking her to read my email and to respect my need for space right now. It was so, so difficult, but I did it.
Tonight I'm going to Al-Anon, and tomorrow I'm going to see a therapist. I also opened up to a co-worker who has gone through the same thing with her sister. This is such a long, difficult road, but I feel less helpless today.
Thank you to everyone for helping me realize this and see that I am not powerless over my own choices.

LaTeeDa

denny57

I am happy for you and glad you have the support of your husband to help you through. It will get easier. ((()))

Growing

((((RFU))))

Your doing great! Hang in there and keep posting!

You have my total support....I know it is painful...but your wonderful husband hit the nail on the head:

"today will be very, very hard, but we are doing the right thing. And as long as we continue to do the right thing, it will get easier".

The above is GREAT program!

TDinATL

Hi Fed Up,

I know what you mean. I'm going through a similar situation with my wife right now. She left me a couple weeks ago, she's the one with the alcohol problem.

She does not want to speak with me at all and send emails. One day it's trying to be nice to me, the next I'm a jerk, then she sends our friends an email about how much she loves me (not to me though!) and today I get an email where she seemed to be saying how she knew she was a great person and I couldn't knock her down anymore. It's different everyday.

My AW was not a daily drinker so it was, and is, hard for some people to see it. Her family thinks I'm a jerk - even some of my family does - because I said she has an alcohol problem and I won't deal with it any longer.

It's hard going through this, even harder when close family doesn't see or agree with things (my dad thinks my wife is a victim in all of this) that we know exist.

Stay strong! It's amazing how much better tomorrow feels when you hold your ground and take care of yourself today.

TD

Kindeyes

Thank you to everyone for helping me realize this and see that I am not powerless over my own choices.

Those are very impowering words. They will get you through all of this. Hold on to them.