Nia

I think it's genetics. Though learned behaviors can be a part of it.
It depends on how the child reacts to things.
You could have two people witness the same thing and react differently.
So I guess personality takes a role in it too.

BohemiMamaof3

As I stated on that other thread, my mom was an alcoholic, both her parents were, mom no longer drinks. My brother is an alcoholic/addict in recovery. I am co-dependenant, but I also had self medicating tendencies with drinking & pot when I was younger, that I feared would escalate, so I quit when I became a mom and a Christian, because I didn't want to perpetuate the cycle. Regarding my mom's brothers -as far as I know, 2 of her 3 brothers had problems with drinking. The other brother is like a recluse/hermit and very odd, but I don't know if he drinks. One of her brothers went thru a bad time when his 16 yr. old dd died, but then quit drinking. The other brother is in active AA and has been sober between 15-20 yrs (?). 2 of his 3 sons have drinking problems, that I'm aware of.

BohemiMamaof3

I totally agree with this.

Lilyflower

In my family, my mum and dad are not alcoholic, my sister and myself are not. The four of us have codependency issues, some stronger than others.

My mum's family is riddled with addictions. At least 2 of my mum's 5 brothers have a drug addiction, her other brothers have huge codependency issues. My maternal grandmother has a drinking problem, I am quite sure this is alcoholism. My maternal grandfather did not have any addictions. My mum has cut off all contact with her family, and we haven't been in contact for over 3 years.

On dad's side of the family my 2 aunts and my uncle are not As, and do not appear to show codependency issues. My grandmother is not an A/codie, but my grandfather is a known drunk. My grandparents divorced when my father was 13, and has not been in their/our life since. There was a lot of violence in their house, I have witnessed my father be quite abusive toward my mum in the past (attempted to strangle her, and I called out the police, dad made me tell them things were ok and I pranked called, then he calmed down), although he hasn't shown any abusive nature for years. His abusiveness usually came along when he was drunk.

My abf's mum was an A, as is he, but his elder sister is not, nor is she codependent.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxx

shakarris

In my family, my dad was an A, my brother is, my sis is and I am not. Could I be - probably cause I do know that when I am down - I think a beer or bevie will relax me.. that can turn to a few then I stop cause I know what will happen if I have that extra one - it will be full on.

I just do not let myself go there,never have. Maybe I am afraid I will be one too. - I do my crafts, play with my dogs, garden, pretty much anything else. Living with an A has made a difference to as in I used to always have wine etc in the house, I like a glass now and then but here it does not last more than a day and I am not buying anything that helps him be the nasty man he becomes.. so I do not even buy it anymore.

Alanon and Alateen can help your young ones- if they are too young for that then you.. you looking after you, you looking after them and letting the A look after themselves...


shakarris

Pajarito

I am not the child of an alcoholic- and as far as I know there is no alcoholism in my family- however I did grow up in a very abusive home- physically and mentally/emotionally. I am a raging co-dependent. The reason the quote above hit me is because my AH grew up from the age of 5 with a violent, alcoholic stepfather. He and his 3 other siblings must have endured a lot- although I don't know all the gorey details. And therein may lie the problem- my AH has turned to many things for comfort and relief from anxiety. He is very bad with healthy communication- probably keeps a lot stuffed inside. All of his siblings have anxiety issues and one other is also an alcoholic. As far as I know there is not other alcoholism in his family- so I don't think he fits the biological pattern. Could it be a learned behavior? I know he hated his stepfather, so I am sure admitting he is an alcoholic makes him cringe- to be like the man who raised him with an iron fist.

I worry about our daughter all the time- but I have to think that one healthy parent is better than both screwed up in the dynamics we get into with our alcoholics. We are separated and I am seeking a divorce. I am hoping that my nurturing her and being honest will help her to be confident and healthy. I think it's very important we let our children express themselves- anger, sadness, and get them to counseling if it seems they need it. The rest is out of our hands.

JadedAngel4U

having been in a situation of being the oldest daughter to an alcoholic mother, having raised my two sisters and having seen what alcohol does to a person, it's a personal promise that I will not allow myself to become what my mother has. Any temptations, any desire to drink just to get drunk fades away when that first flashback of my tortured childhood was like.

Growing

I relate to this the most. Thank you JA.

Both parents were A's. Mom became an A to fit in/spend time with dad. Dad was a violent mean drunk...a recluse when sober...a recluse so he could drink..my dad was a misanthrope...hated all people. Mom was a raging co-dependent. Mom has admitted that she would goad him...then he would explode...then they would try to kill eachother...This was my typical weekend and eventually, some weeknights, also.

Mom got sober because my dad tried to strangle my sister..(I was already moved out...I would be in jail right now otherwise.) Mom was considering having dad forcibly commited to a psych ward, when somebody told her about AA...she has been going ever since.

I am the eldest daughter of 4 children...none of us are alcoholics to date...I also come from a long line of alcoholic grandparents...I don't know what keeps my siblings sober...but for me, it was a strong hatred for my father and alcohol. I promised myself "I will NOT be like him." I promised myself, "I will NEVER live with an alcoholic."

With my HP's grace...I let my resentment for him go when I began my recovery in alanon. I made amends...forgave him...asked him to forgive me.

So I have genetics and environment againstme.

Just goes to show...you never know when the Higher Power gets involved! I thought it was my hatred that kept me sober. My HP showed me it was Him.