A question for Children of Alcoholics
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Join Date: Jan 2008
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A question for Children of Alcoholics
..as this is a carry over from Zak's thread, I wanted to ask, do you believe that, statistically, children of alcoholics are at an increased risk of becoming one themselves because of the behaviours learned in the home, OR because of genetics?
If it's the former, I can hope that my efforts to 'counter' my husband's actions have a positive effect on my kids. If it's the latter, I wonder how in the world to provide help for my young ones now...??
If it's the former, I can hope that my efforts to 'counter' my husband's actions have a positive effect on my kids. If it's the latter, I wonder how in the world to provide help for my young ones now...??
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Being neither a biologist, or a psychologist, I cannot say for certain which holds more weight--nature or nurture. But, regardless of probabilities, nothing is a given. And since the nature part is out of your control, maybe it would be best to focus on the factor you can do something about.
L
L
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Being from a large family, all I need do is look around and say that it is both.
Through education of the dangers that drugs, ciggerettes, or alcohol can bring into one's life there are 3 among the many who abstain. There is another group of us who learned to abstain the hard way and there are many who are still active in their poor choices. I grew up with alcohol all around, my own children did not see it in my own house. I see the results in all cases as being... education is the key. Education before hand or life's education after the fact are the cures.
Nothing is gauranteed... in life we just need keep doing the next right thing as things happen along the way.
Through education of the dangers that drugs, ciggerettes, or alcohol can bring into one's life there are 3 among the many who abstain. There is another group of us who learned to abstain the hard way and there are many who are still active in their poor choices. I grew up with alcohol all around, my own children did not see it in my own house. I see the results in all cases as being... education is the key. Education before hand or life's education after the fact are the cures.
Nothing is gauranteed... in life we just need keep doing the next right thing as things happen along the way.
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
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Statistics tell us children of alcoholics are more likely to become alcoholics themselves. However, in all the branches with alcoholism in both my mother's and father's families - and in branches of my AH's family - strangely not a single child of an alcoholic became an alcoholic.
In fact all the children of alcoholics in these families became pretty responsible, well adjusted people with no addictions of any type ...but they had one thing in common - they all hated how alcoholism had damaged their families growing up. All I have ever been able to derive from this is that alcohol abuse was never condoned or accepted by other members of their family. Many of these children of alcoholics got to see clearly through young eyes how alcohol can destroy lives and maybe learned from that not to make the same mistakes. It is something I worry about all the time while trying to figure out what the future holds for my own sons. So far they both hate alcohol and don't condone its use by their peers - I just hope they continue to respect how risky alcohol use can be.
In fact all the children of alcoholics in these families became pretty responsible, well adjusted people with no addictions of any type ...but they had one thing in common - they all hated how alcoholism had damaged their families growing up. All I have ever been able to derive from this is that alcohol abuse was never condoned or accepted by other members of their family. Many of these children of alcoholics got to see clearly through young eyes how alcohol can destroy lives and maybe learned from that not to make the same mistakes. It is something I worry about all the time while trying to figure out what the future holds for my own sons. So far they both hate alcohol and don't condone its use by their peers - I just hope they continue to respect how risky alcohol use can be.
Retired Pro Drunk
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 901
I'm an alcoholic. My father is an alcoholic.
I'm adopted and not my father's biological child.
My father stopped drinking by the time I was 4 and I don't remember him drinking.
Let me know if you figure that one out.
p.s. one more thing... my father worked for 25 years as a alcoholism and drug abuse counselor and is now retired. Still didn't help me avoid the bug.
I'm adopted and not my father's biological child.
My father stopped drinking by the time I was 4 and I don't remember him drinking.
Let me know if you figure that one out.
p.s. one more thing... my father worked for 25 years as a alcoholism and drug abuse counselor and is now retired. Still didn't help me avoid the bug.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Although both of my parents, at different times in my life struggled with alcoholism, I myself have not at all. Skipped me but not my daughter. However I have struggled with other addictions; sex, the need to please, and the need to rescue and control , oh and pot.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by anamchara 
..as this is a carry over from Zak's thread, I wanted to ask, do you believe that, statistically, children of alcoholics are at an increased risk of becoming one themselves because of the behaviours learned in the home, OR because of genetics?
If it's the former, I can hope that my efforts to 'counter' my husband's actions have a positive effect on my kids. If it's the latter, I wonder how in the world to provide help for my young ones now...??
If it's the former, I can hope that my efforts to 'counter' my husband's actions have a positive effect on my kids. If it's the latter, I wonder how in the world to provide help for my young ones now...??
But I did struggle with an eating disorder most of my life, which turned me onto meth eventually to lose weight.... But I'm doing well now.
Therapy helped me the most.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Both my parents were alcoholics. My 2 brothers are alcoholics. I am not but do struggle with codependency, a number of issues that fall under being an ACOA, and overeating.
I think there is a genetic predisposition to addictive behaviors but I do not think its causal in nature. I think the causes of addiction are as numerous as could be.
I think there is a genetic predisposition to addictive behaviors but I do not think its causal in nature. I think the causes of addiction are as numerous as could be.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
My dad's an alcoholic - sober since before I was born.
My mother's an alcoholic - sober for 5 ? years now.
I'm an alcoholic OR a problem drinker (depends on the day for me to admit it or not I guess).
I grew up with my dad telling me that his alcoholism was genetic and that I needed to be careful. That was before my mom had a problem, or knew it........ My parents met in "rehab" (it was a mental hospital back then). My dad was there for treatment and my mom worked there. they spent a majority of their first years together attending a ton of AA functions. I think ALL of their friends were AA friends. My mom knew about everything a person could know about alcoholism but she ended up turning to drinking. I've often wondered about her parents and their drinking.
I was hooked after the first time I got drunk I think.
My brother and sister: I'm not sure. As far as I know they're not alcoholics although I have seen them each drunk out of their minds but I'm pretty sure it's not a frequent thing for either of them.
My mother's an alcoholic - sober for 5 ? years now.
I'm an alcoholic OR a problem drinker (depends on the day for me to admit it or not I guess).
I grew up with my dad telling me that his alcoholism was genetic and that I needed to be careful. That was before my mom had a problem, or knew it........ My parents met in "rehab" (it was a mental hospital back then). My dad was there for treatment and my mom worked there. they spent a majority of their first years together attending a ton of AA functions. I think ALL of their friends were AA friends. My mom knew about everything a person could know about alcoholism but she ended up turning to drinking. I've often wondered about her parents and their drinking.
I was hooked after the first time I got drunk I think.
My brother and sister: I'm not sure. As far as I know they're not alcoholics although I have seen them each drunk out of their minds but I'm pretty sure it's not a frequent thing for either of them.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,031
My parents were/are alcoholics (Mom is deceased, Dad is active), I believe my brothers are alcoholic, no doubt that I'm an alcoholic.
Growing up I watched my parents drink all the time. At around 14, I started asking for sips of their beer and they happily obliged. It wasn't long before I was taking gulps when they left the room, and if they left the house I was helping myself to their supply. By the time I was legal I was a daily drinker, and my parents were my drinking buddies.
I believe I learned the behaviors in my childhood. As a single father in recovery I know that I can only lead by example. I do my best to lead a sober, Christian life and to be the best parent I'm capable of being. My kids attend AA meetings every week with me. Have you taken your children to Al-A-Teen or similar meetings?
It's hard work, but simple, and the rewards are priceless.
Growing up I watched my parents drink all the time. At around 14, I started asking for sips of their beer and they happily obliged. It wasn't long before I was taking gulps when they left the room, and if they left the house I was helping myself to their supply. By the time I was legal I was a daily drinker, and my parents were my drinking buddies.
I believe I learned the behaviors in my childhood. As a single father in recovery I know that I can only lead by example. I do my best to lead a sober, Christian life and to be the best parent I'm capable of being. My kids attend AA meetings every week with me. Have you taken your children to Al-A-Teen or similar meetings?
It's hard work, but simple, and the rewards are priceless.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
My dad did not allow sips of drinks. I remember once, I think I was probably 13-15. My mom and her sister were having a "special" drink at Christmas time. I asked for a sip and my mom let me. My dad just about blew his top.
Since you mention it Astro, I'm surprise my dad never introduced us to Alateen.
Since you mention it Astro, I'm surprise my dad never introduced us to Alateen.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 98
My dad is an alcoholic from a long line of alcoholics. My mother is not an alcoholic, but she was a 'problem drinker' way back when. Quit when she had kids.
I am a recovering addict, brother is an addict and little sister is (most likely) an alcoholic. My older sister is not an alcoholic/addict. I am/was in a relationship with an alcoholic, as was my brother. My little sister may be married to an alcoholic (yet to be determined if he is or not). Three out of our, I'd say it is both nature and nurture.
As far as codependency, I'd say that is nurture. So even if your kids escape addiction/alcoholism, they are still seeing codependency. My little sister and brother and I are all severely codependent...learned from my mother, who doesn't care that she is nor understand it too well. But she is happy and accepts this role, so for her, it isn't too much of a problem. Again, older sis is not codependent. She rocks! No problems!!
As Lateeda said, regardless of this issue, take care of the little ones on the 'learned' behaviors front!
I am a recovering addict, brother is an addict and little sister is (most likely) an alcoholic. My older sister is not an alcoholic/addict. I am/was in a relationship with an alcoholic, as was my brother. My little sister may be married to an alcoholic (yet to be determined if he is or not). Three out of our, I'd say it is both nature and nurture.
As far as codependency, I'd say that is nurture. So even if your kids escape addiction/alcoholism, they are still seeing codependency. My little sister and brother and I are all severely codependent...learned from my mother, who doesn't care that she is nor understand it too well. But she is happy and accepts this role, so for her, it isn't too much of a problem. Again, older sis is not codependent. She rocks! No problems!!
As Lateeda said, regardless of this issue, take care of the little ones on the 'learned' behaviors front!
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 19
You folks are wonderful. Thanks so much for sharing your hearts with me.
Although my husband & I have spent time in counseling, and I have counseled alone, I haven't taken my kids to an Al-Anon meeting thus far. That is mostly because the nearest one is over an hour away from us. Another reason is that a counselor suggested to me that I attend one first, alone, to see if other children were present, what their ages were and so forth.
This is why I'm seeking references on books and am looking into resources offered by our local hospital for group therapies that may be closer to our location. I think family couseling would be great, although I'm skeptical that dh would attend.
My son is 10 - and aware of the effects of alcohol on his dad. We talk a lot - I don't bad-mouth his father, but try to continually educate him on the ill effects of alcohol abuse....that addiction is an awful disease...that daddy's bad choices are his own & they have nothing to do with us or our behaviour. I'm honest with him. Even so, I wonder if I'm doing enough. I wonder what signs I should look for that he's struggling.
Although my husband & I have spent time in counseling, and I have counseled alone, I haven't taken my kids to an Al-Anon meeting thus far. That is mostly because the nearest one is over an hour away from us. Another reason is that a counselor suggested to me that I attend one first, alone, to see if other children were present, what their ages were and so forth.
This is why I'm seeking references on books and am looking into resources offered by our local hospital for group therapies that may be closer to our location. I think family couseling would be great, although I'm skeptical that dh would attend.
My son is 10 - and aware of the effects of alcohol on his dad. We talk a lot - I don't bad-mouth his father, but try to continually educate him on the ill effects of alcohol abuse....that addiction is an awful disease...that daddy's bad choices are his own & they have nothing to do with us or our behaviour. I'm honest with him. Even so, I wonder if I'm doing enough. I wonder what signs I should look for that he's struggling.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
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This might help too Families Anonymous, Twelve Step program and self help support groups.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ontario
Posts: 85
I took a week-long family program for families of addicts after my ABF went through treatment. It was held at a hospital where they do reasearch and have access to the latest results. The doctor who spoke to us one day said they have identified that susceptibilty to addictions is controlled by about 7 genes.
Of course, if you never start to drink, even if you have these genes, you will never become an alcoholic. One of my friends has 2 alcoholic brothers and it runs in her family but she chose not to drink as she was aware of the risks - smart woman!
My ABH thinks he was hooked the first time he drank at 15. He has alcoholism among his cousins and his daughter (24) is also an alcoholic. It's very sad.
Spinner
Of course, if you never start to drink, even if you have these genes, you will never become an alcoholic. One of my friends has 2 alcoholic brothers and it runs in her family but she chose not to drink as she was aware of the risks - smart woman!
My ABH thinks he was hooked the first time he drank at 15. He has alcoholism among his cousins and his daughter (24) is also an alcoholic. It's very sad.
Spinner
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Of 4 kids in my family 3 are addicts both of my parents are addicts/alcoholics. In my family it looks like the odds are 3 to 1 in favor of being an addict.
I think awareness is the key to prevention. No shaming the other parent or your kids. Learn to identify your own controlling behaviors cause like or not they do trigger addict behavior.
I think awareness is the key to prevention. No shaming the other parent or your kids. Learn to identify your own controlling behaviors cause like or not they do trigger addict behavior.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Poplar Grove, IL
Posts: 72
I bring my 4 kids to Alateen. When you ask my youngest son why he goes he tells you so he doesn't become an alcoholic like his dad. I think for him at 11 years old it is the scariest possibilty. He has seen too much for his short years. He understands more about this disease then some adults - all my kids do. That's because they are grateful members of Alateen.
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 8
I come from a long line of alcoholics. I don't have an issue with alcohol, but I do with sugar. I am a member of overeaters anonymous and know a lot of overeaters who grew up in alcoholic families. I believe the predisposition to alcoholism makes me very sensitive to sugar. Growing up with alcoholics taught me to turn to a substance instead of people, healthy activities, etc. when stressed.
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