nowinsituation

Well I did it. I signed the divorce papers yesterday. The attorney prepared the papers to mail to my AH. I opted to deliver them personally this morning so he could read them and emotionally deal with things today while there is no one else around. (Although - I had the attorney postage the envelope just incase I chickened out). I thank God for giving me the strength and compassion to get through it. AH clearly did not expect it; but did not try to push my buttons too much (or maybe he tried and the buttons aren't there anymore?). He says he is "better" now -- whatever that means, and I didn't ask. I just said that I hoped he was getting better; that it would be the best thing he could do for himself. Being away for 2+ months has helped me to realize that the marriage had been dead a long time. I thought maybe after I had been gone for awhile I would miss him; and I do not. I am not sad, I am not angry, I am not scared, and I am not particularly happy. It is what it is. Maybe I will feel something more later on, but right now I don't.

His final plea was "will you help me??" I told him that I had helped him too much for too long; and that it wasn't good for either one of us. But, in the next minute I am wondering if he will understand that the form he has to sign has to be notarized, and whether he will do that, and maybe I should have my sister call him and go out there and notarize it for him. And then I stopped and decided that if he does it wrong -- he'll just have to do it over again and it is not my problem.

I do pray that God will help him. And that's it -- I have to trust that after all the searching and praying I have done over the past year that this is the path God has put us both on -- and there are reasons for it all that I may never understand.

Mair

Congratulations nowinsituation you can start living again. xx
Mair xx

hadenoughnow

Congratulations, I have to wait six months (because we have a child). The papers will be signed before then but the divorce can't be final.

Loreena

God bless you, I am with you, I am at the same stage in my life right now as well, it's exciting but painful still. I just can't wait for it all to be over. How long before the divorce is final? I'm 2 weeks away or so.

hang in, don't look back, life is out there for us!!

nowinsituation

In case I had any doubt -- I went to pick my daughter up after school today. I go into the house to get her, and AH is nowhere to be seen. He has always been right there in the house when I come to get her; so I thought this was strange and was a little concerned for his well being. I assumed that he did not want to face me again today; and didn't ask DD where he was. We gathered her things and left. We were almost home when my cell phone rings and it is a call from the house. I answer the phone and he is practically incoherent. He asked to speak to DD -- so I handed her the phone. They talked for a minute or too, and she hung up. Dad was "outside doing chores" and she hadn't seen him at all between when she got home from school until I picked her up. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt -- but my gut tells me he was totally wasted. Glad to know he is getting "better". I feel so sorry for him.

Oh - and don't know when things will be final. There is a 60-day waiting period before we can even have a hearing. The 60-days don't start counting until the court is assured that he has been served. I expect things to get difficult -- and that he won't sign the voluntary acknowledgement. Then the sheriff will have to serve him. I'm not in a hurry -- I certainly don't have anyone waiting in the wings!!!

DetachMe9

I can relate to every little bit of this, and feel relieved/empowered by knowing that you're getting through it. I'm still living with my AH as we wait out the next 2-3 months until the divorce is final. Very difficult, as he's not drinking at all. The longer he stays sober, the more he looks like his "old self" and that makes me very uneasy, sad. I know I'm not making a mistake, but I sometimes wish he would've stayed in extreme f*'d-up mode so it would feel like it all makes more sense.

Wishing you strength and hope.

Janitw

I must say that this kind of a decision has to be very difficult for those who choose to leave...I didn't have that option and maybe it was better for me that he just left us....because I don't know if I would have had the strength to have started the process like you all did.....you are all very brave. Welcome to the rest of your lives....

kj21

Congrats!!
Detachme9~ i can totally relate to that. I feel the same way, it is harder to leave when you see them trying to do the right things! But sometimes it is just too late.

Pajarito

Wishing the best to both you and nowinsituation. I am in the painful process as well, and find that I get confused/sad when my AH behaves like his old normal self. I get strength from you both- as well as the other people who post here who've gone through it. I have to believe things will get better. Stay strong!