Newbie...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: New Lenox, IL
Posts: 2
Newbie...
Hi all!
This is my first post, I'm new to this forum. Sorry so long!
I have a brother who is an alcoholic. He lives my Mom (Dad passed away 5-07) and has for the past 8 years. He does not work or drive (DUI) and does nothingaround the house. Since Dad died it's been a fee for all for him and his friends. Mom and brother have a co-dependency relationship. She has enabled him for years and put him before her husband many times. Long story short Mom suffers from Alzheimer's and brother is her "caregiver" - my sister and I are looking into a facility for Mom because we feel brotherr cannot care or give her the support she needs and he badgers her.
I'm very angry my parents allow him to live there and have supported his habit. I go to the house on Saturday to take them to the store and have tried to tell him I refuse to support his habit but he goes crying to Mom that I'm being mean she ends up in tears and tells me to buy the liquor (with her money of course) - this is her way of avoiding a confrontation with him. I have approached him about his drinking and he gets defensive and tells me he can handle his liquor. He feels the least Mom can do is support his habit because he is with her 24/7 (hopefully not much longer)
I need to vent! His behavior/alcoholism is eating away at me and affecting my marriage.
Anyone with suggestions for coping?
Michele
This is my first post, I'm new to this forum. Sorry so long!
I have a brother who is an alcoholic. He lives my Mom (Dad passed away 5-07) and has for the past 8 years. He does not work or drive (DUI) and does nothingaround the house. Since Dad died it's been a fee for all for him and his friends. Mom and brother have a co-dependency relationship. She has enabled him for years and put him before her husband many times. Long story short Mom suffers from Alzheimer's and brother is her "caregiver" - my sister and I are looking into a facility for Mom because we feel brotherr cannot care or give her the support she needs and he badgers her.
I'm very angry my parents allow him to live there and have supported his habit. I go to the house on Saturday to take them to the store and have tried to tell him I refuse to support his habit but he goes crying to Mom that I'm being mean she ends up in tears and tells me to buy the liquor (with her money of course) - this is her way of avoiding a confrontation with him. I have approached him about his drinking and he gets defensive and tells me he can handle his liquor. He feels the least Mom can do is support his habit because he is with her 24/7 (hopefully not much longer)
I need to vent! His behavior/alcoholism is eating away at me and affecting my marriage.
Anyone with suggestions for coping?
Michele
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Welcome and I'm sorry you are going thru all this.
The best susggestion is to educate yourself on alcoholism, perhaps try AlAnon and read about what you can do for yourself. You cannot change your brother.
If your mother suffers from Alzeimers, it may indeed be ebst if she be somewhere she can get proper care. My mother has advanced Alzeimers so I know what its like watching that horrible disease progress. Beyond getting her proper care, a good facility often extends the good mental faculties of an Alzeimers patient thru the stimulation they can find with staff and others living around them, something she is not likely to get livng with your brother.
I wish you luck in your search for a place for your mother.
The best susggestion is to educate yourself on alcoholism, perhaps try AlAnon and read about what you can do for yourself. You cannot change your brother.
If your mother suffers from Alzeimers, it may indeed be ebst if she be somewhere she can get proper care. My mother has advanced Alzeimers so I know what its like watching that horrible disease progress. Beyond getting her proper care, a good facility often extends the good mental faculties of an Alzeimers patient thru the stimulation they can find with staff and others living around them, something she is not likely to get livng with your brother.
I wish you luck in your search for a place for your mother.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Hi
It sounds like you are on the right track trying to get mum into better care. Your brother has probably been a silent drain on your mum all this time and she hasnt said much. Sometimes parents tend to give in based on the fact it may have been too hard for them to deal with.
One thing though, once he is on his own he may find it terribly difficult considering he has had your parents support all this time. Suddenly he has to be responsible for himself!
It sounds like you are on the right track trying to get mum into better care. Your brother has probably been a silent drain on your mum all this time and she hasnt said much. Sometimes parents tend to give in based on the fact it may have been too hard for them to deal with.
One thing though, once he is on his own he may find it terribly difficult considering he has had your parents support all this time. Suddenly he has to be responsible for himself!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 444
Shelby - You said that you take them to the store, and that you buy the liquor for your brother -- at your mother's insistence and with her money. One thing I would suggest is that you stop buying the liquor. That seems to be enabling; even if it is with your mother's money. Just something to think about?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Minneapolis, Mn. Minnesota Alligator Controll
Posts: 286
Aside from pushing him down the stairs, I believe there are laws about
caregivers. a social worker or a Dr. may be able to help you,
pay no attention to bro. as he is lost.
caregivers. a social worker or a Dr. may be able to help you,
pay no attention to bro. as he is lost.
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