Sometimes theres a reason ...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
"When I ask others for their opinion then leave in an angry huff when I don't like the answers I received, I'm trying to control how others think."
Well perhaps GPJ asked for advice that time when she knew already in her heart what she was going to do, but I think she learned a very valuable lesson. I applaud her recent growth and discovering that she already has the answers that work for her inside her heart and mind.
Much of the forceful advice on this board is not good advice at all because the people posting do not know the situation as intimately as the person living through it and also because they are not professionals. The exception in this? The person writing "he's going to kill me, should I get out?" type posts. All of us are just wounded and (hopefully) healing humans whose interactions with alcoholics have caused us enormous emotional pain. We have our own opinions on what worked in our situations, and it is fine to share them, but if we post as self-appointed authorities, we're making big mistakes.
As much as I've read about As and as much as I've had an A in my life, I'm still no closer to understanding it, or being able to help. As GPJ said, we need to "throw away preconceived notions and textbook categorizations." That includes ours. I have heard a lot of black/white statements on SR since first visiting, and the poster instead comes off as being a self-appointed expert who seem more bitter or having a dead-soul than being healed.
My point is this: anyone coming on this board should be treated with gentleness. They've had enough abuse from their alcoholics and don't need more.
Well perhaps GPJ asked for advice that time when she knew already in her heart what she was going to do, but I think she learned a very valuable lesson. I applaud her recent growth and discovering that she already has the answers that work for her inside her heart and mind.
Much of the forceful advice on this board is not good advice at all because the people posting do not know the situation as intimately as the person living through it and also because they are not professionals. The exception in this? The person writing "he's going to kill me, should I get out?" type posts. All of us are just wounded and (hopefully) healing humans whose interactions with alcoholics have caused us enormous emotional pain. We have our own opinions on what worked in our situations, and it is fine to share them, but if we post as self-appointed authorities, we're making big mistakes.
As much as I've read about As and as much as I've had an A in my life, I'm still no closer to understanding it, or being able to help. As GPJ said, we need to "throw away preconceived notions and textbook categorizations." That includes ours. I have heard a lot of black/white statements on SR since first visiting, and the poster instead comes off as being a self-appointed expert who seem more bitter or having a dead-soul than being healed.
My point is this: anyone coming on this board should be treated with gentleness. They've had enough abuse from their alcoholics and don't need more.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
(((((gp)))))
i do so understand that climbing a mountain, knowing that the answer to our questions are at the top of the mountain, many of us take many different paths to reach to top.
i've strayed off the obvious, easiest course many, many times, because of strong beliefs that i had. sometimes my beliefs were right on spot, sometimes my beliefs were really twisted, but i had to climb that mountain by myself to find out.
i'm glad you are back.....we all need each other, sweety.
love to you
jeri
i do so understand that climbing a mountain, knowing that the answer to our questions are at the top of the mountain, many of us take many different paths to reach to top.
i've strayed off the obvious, easiest course many, many times, because of strong beliefs that i had. sometimes my beliefs were right on spot, sometimes my beliefs were really twisted, but i had to climb that mountain by myself to find out.
i'm glad you are back.....we all need each other, sweety.
love to you
jeri
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Thoughts on Self Injury
There are many forms of self injury. Some people injure themselves through drug use or excessive alcohol consumption. Others cut themselves or choose to starve themselves. Many indulge in overeating. Some people sabbotage their relationships with friends, family, and coworkers. No matter what the weapon of choice is, the goal is the same--to damage oneself and remain an eternal victim. That way, I don't have to examine my motives or understand my actions. I can blame my misery on others.
When my external world is in chaos chances are great that my relationship with myself is in chaos, too. When my inner self is in chaos and I'm avoiding doing the hard work it takes to restore my sanity, I often lash out angrily at folks around me and then try to shift the blame for my unhappiness onto them.
Instead of restoring myself to sanity, this type of action usually backfires on me as I tend to reap what I sow. When I engage in negative thinking or self-destructive behavior, my life becomes filled with negativity and the only side of myself that others can see is the ugly side. This causes them to avoid me altogether or react negatively in return. And the cycle continues.
Today I realize that I have choices. I can choose to live my life in chaos or I can choose to live my life in peace and tranquility. I can play the role of eternal victim or I can dig down deep and figure out what's really bothering me. I can choose to enjoy holidays or family functions or I can sabbotage them for myself and others. I can use SR to further my recovery or I can use it as a vehicle to harm myself or others.
Life is what I choose to make it. I don't have to sabbotage myself any longer. I can let go of the survival tools I learned in childhood that are no longer working for me. I can let go of negativity and be the best that I can be. Then I can share my best self with others and I'll reap what I sow.
I hope you find peace soon, GuineaPigJude.
When my external world is in chaos chances are great that my relationship with myself is in chaos, too. When my inner self is in chaos and I'm avoiding doing the hard work it takes to restore my sanity, I often lash out angrily at folks around me and then try to shift the blame for my unhappiness onto them.
Instead of restoring myself to sanity, this type of action usually backfires on me as I tend to reap what I sow. When I engage in negative thinking or self-destructive behavior, my life becomes filled with negativity and the only side of myself that others can see is the ugly side. This causes them to avoid me altogether or react negatively in return. And the cycle continues.
Today I realize that I have choices. I can choose to live my life in chaos or I can choose to live my life in peace and tranquility. I can play the role of eternal victim or I can dig down deep and figure out what's really bothering me. I can choose to enjoy holidays or family functions or I can sabbotage them for myself and others. I can use SR to further my recovery or I can use it as a vehicle to harm myself or others.
Life is what I choose to make it. I don't have to sabbotage myself any longer. I can let go of the survival tools I learned in childhood that are no longer working for me. I can let go of negativity and be the best that I can be. Then I can share my best self with others and I'll reap what I sow.
I hope you find peace soon, GuineaPigJude.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
SoberRecovery has a feature called the "Ignore" button. It is there so that anybody who cares to can use it and no longer see posts from those people they don't care for.
As in real life, here on SoberRecovery you will find people you don't like. Just like in real life you have a choice, you can learn how to live with them, or you can ignore them. That's why there is an "ignore" button. You can find it by going to the top left of the window, click on the "User CP" button, then click on the "Edit Ignore List".
If you feel the need to "call out" somebody you don't like by name, be so kind as to do it in private. Or better yet, do something constructive and don't do it all. The purpose of SoberRecovery is to help those who are in pain. Getting into personality issues distracts all the other readers from their own needs, and is a huge distraction for the volunteers who are up to their eyeballs trying to help people in violent situations, people who's loved ones have passed, who's kids are in danger, etc. etc.
As a "by the way", I have not been around much these last couple weeks because I had surgery over christmas and it went very wrong. I am slowly recovering and expect to be back to normal eventually. In the meantime, you will see the other Mods stepping in for me as needed. I would feel a _lot_ better staying in bed if I knew that everybody here is respecting each other, even though you obviously don't like each other.
Oh yeah, since this thread has turned sour I'm going to close it.
Mike
Moderator, SoberRecovery
As in real life, here on SoberRecovery you will find people you don't like. Just like in real life you have a choice, you can learn how to live with them, or you can ignore them. That's why there is an "ignore" button. You can find it by going to the top left of the window, click on the "User CP" button, then click on the "Edit Ignore List".
If you feel the need to "call out" somebody you don't like by name, be so kind as to do it in private. Or better yet, do something constructive and don't do it all. The purpose of SoberRecovery is to help those who are in pain. Getting into personality issues distracts all the other readers from their own needs, and is a huge distraction for the volunteers who are up to their eyeballs trying to help people in violent situations, people who's loved ones have passed, who's kids are in danger, etc. etc.
As a "by the way", I have not been around much these last couple weeks because I had surgery over christmas and it went very wrong. I am slowly recovering and expect to be back to normal eventually. In the meantime, you will see the other Mods stepping in for me as needed. I would feel a _lot_ better staying in bed if I knew that everybody here is respecting each other, even though you obviously don't like each other.
Oh yeah, since this thread has turned sour I'm going to close it.
Mike
Moderator, SoberRecovery
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