Aa
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Dixie
Posts: 612
I think, at one time or another, the ultimate goal of most of us on this forum was/is that our loved one would eventually be sober. Yet, when it happens, we're just as scared as we were before -- and maybe even a little disappointed (dare I say).
At around 10:00 last night, my AH gave me a New Year's kiss and headed off to AA. I believe he attended two New Year's Eve meetings last night. I spent my evening babysitting my 3 year old granddaughter (Whoopee! My date for the evening!). I woke up around 3:00 a.m., and AH was right beside me in the bed. It's certainly a stark contrast to last New Year's when he was completely passed out in his chair by 6:30 p.m. (Whoopee! My date for the evening!). And, for me, spending New Year's alone because he is at AA is much better than spending it alone because he's too drunk to even wake up. He went to a noon meeting today. And he left just a few minutes ago to attend another meeting this evening. This is what recovery is.
My alone time now is much the same as when he was drinking -- pretty frequent. Lucky for me that I worked out the kinks of being alone several years ago. I have interests, a hobby, friends I go to lunch and the movies with... Before, I left him alone to wallow in his illness. Now, I leave him alone to pursue his recovery. I support his recovery by just letting him do it - by himself. I ask no questions. However, he usually talks about his meetings when he gets back home. I listen. I'm glad that he has these new "friends" to share with. They help him to stay sober. God knows I was never able to do that. As far as working on our marriage... we're not there yet. This phase takes priority. Because if he's not sober, there's no marriage to work on.
Maybe I'm a fool, or maybe I'm just numb from years of dealing with over-stimulated emotions... but it never, ever crosses my mind that he might find someone new at one of his meetings. I can't control that anymore than I could control his drinking. This is one of those things I have to turn over to God. The outcome of every situation is His will -- not mine.
Ya know... I've done a lot of growing in the past few years. If my AH had found sobriety 8 years ago, I would have been an A-1 snoopervisor. I would have wanted to attend all open AA meetings (to keep an eye on him)... I would have driven by the AA place looking for his car... tried to catch him in lies... keep looking for hidden bottles... always doubting him... I would have assumed his hours spent away from me, were hours he was spending with someone else... But not now. Maybe God gave him sobriety when we were BOTH ready to deal with it... and that's what took so long. I had to first find a way to put the focus on me.
Thank you for your post, because my sitting here typing this response has shown me the real progress I have made. And it feels great!
Good luck to you, and fear not. It just takes time.
At around 10:00 last night, my AH gave me a New Year's kiss and headed off to AA. I believe he attended two New Year's Eve meetings last night. I spent my evening babysitting my 3 year old granddaughter (Whoopee! My date for the evening!). I woke up around 3:00 a.m., and AH was right beside me in the bed. It's certainly a stark contrast to last New Year's when he was completely passed out in his chair by 6:30 p.m. (Whoopee! My date for the evening!). And, for me, spending New Year's alone because he is at AA is much better than spending it alone because he's too drunk to even wake up. He went to a noon meeting today. And he left just a few minutes ago to attend another meeting this evening. This is what recovery is.
My alone time now is much the same as when he was drinking -- pretty frequent. Lucky for me that I worked out the kinks of being alone several years ago. I have interests, a hobby, friends I go to lunch and the movies with... Before, I left him alone to wallow in his illness. Now, I leave him alone to pursue his recovery. I support his recovery by just letting him do it - by himself. I ask no questions. However, he usually talks about his meetings when he gets back home. I listen. I'm glad that he has these new "friends" to share with. They help him to stay sober. God knows I was never able to do that. As far as working on our marriage... we're not there yet. This phase takes priority. Because if he's not sober, there's no marriage to work on.
Maybe I'm a fool, or maybe I'm just numb from years of dealing with over-stimulated emotions... but it never, ever crosses my mind that he might find someone new at one of his meetings. I can't control that anymore than I could control his drinking. This is one of those things I have to turn over to God. The outcome of every situation is His will -- not mine.
Ya know... I've done a lot of growing in the past few years. If my AH had found sobriety 8 years ago, I would have been an A-1 snoopervisor. I would have wanted to attend all open AA meetings (to keep an eye on him)... I would have driven by the AA place looking for his car... tried to catch him in lies... keep looking for hidden bottles... always doubting him... I would have assumed his hours spent away from me, were hours he was spending with someone else... But not now. Maybe God gave him sobriety when we were BOTH ready to deal with it... and that's what took so long. I had to first find a way to put the focus on me.
Thank you for your post, because my sitting here typing this response has shown me the real progress I have made. And it feels great!
Good luck to you, and fear not. It just takes time.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
