lea666

Hello,
I just met someone that is only 3 months sober. He's coming out of 2 months in rehab for multiple drug (cocaine & others) & alcohol addictions. We met online and started chatting, he started to e-mail me constantly, all day long. After about 4 days of this he asked to meet me. We met and have only been out twice but he is wanting to see me everyday, still messaging constantly. I feel like he is moving way too fast and am worried he is trading substances for me.
I can tell that I do not want to get any more involved with him but I am afraid of hurting him when he is so fragile.
I guess I'm wondering how to create some distance without crushing him.
Any advice?
Thanks

Cynay

Welcome Lea...

Dont worry about hurting him. Your red flags are working just fine and if I were you I would drop that as quickly as possible.

You are not responsible for his drinking/drugs recovery and he knows that. If he really wants recovery he will stay sober...

Please take care of yourself and dont worry about how he will get along.

lea666

Thanks so much, Cynay.
I do feel good that my red flags are working.
He's a great guy, I just think it's better for him to work on his sobriety right now and not focus so much on a new relationship.

ICU

Welcome to SR Lea666!

Good for you for picking up on some red flags! Awhile back, I would have been flattered by the attention. I think differently about that now.

I think it's best to be honest. If something really bothers you about a person, what good is it to keep it to yourself at the risk of hurting his feelings? Both people should be comfortable in a relationship, not just one!

If you feel he's moving too fast and it makes you feel uncomfortable, tell him so. See if he respects your wishes and backs off. If not, you will have witnessed yet another red flag by not respecting you.

And, he may be trading one addiction for another. Or, it could be the signal of something else entirely. Too soon to tell!

Cynay

and you are very right....

They strongly suggest that they not get into a relationship the first year... I can tell you from experience that even in the best of circumstances a relationship with someone who is in recovery is not easy.... and I would not even touch a situation within the first year.

lea666

Yeah, it took a lot of work on myself to get to a point where I see the difference between attention and something that doesn't feel healthy. And this doesn't.
He got his 3 month chip the day of our first date. I think it's too soon.
Thanks so much for the encouragement.
I'm so glad I found this site!