Courage to Change ~ Dec 4 Feelings aren't FACTS
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Courage to Change ~ Dec 4 Feelings aren't FACTS
Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al Anon II December 4
In the past, many of us learned to make choices strictly on the basis of our feelings, as if feelings were facts. If we were frightened about taking a certain action, for example, then it was best avoided. There was no middle ground and no room for more than one feeling at a time.
Part of Al Anon recovery involves learning that feelings aren’t facts. I am a complex, fascinating human being with a wide range of emotions, experiences, and thoughts. There is more to my identity than one feeling or another, one problem or another. I am a wealth of contradictions. I can value all of my feelings without allowing them to dictate my actions.
Today I can feel anger toward someone and still love them. I can feel afraid of new experiences, yet move forward through them. I can survive being hurt without giving up on love. And I can experience sadness and still be confident that I will be happy again.
Today’s Reminder
“Life, for all its agonies… is exciting and beautiful, amusing and artful and endearing…. And whatever is to come after it—we shall not have this life again.”
Rose Macaulay
In the past, many of us learned to make choices strictly on the basis of our feelings, as if feelings were facts. If we were frightened about taking a certain action, for example, then it was best avoided. There was no middle ground and no room for more than one feeling at a time.
Part of Al Anon recovery involves learning that feelings aren’t facts. I am a complex, fascinating human being with a wide range of emotions, experiences, and thoughts. There is more to my identity than one feeling or another, one problem or another. I am a wealth of contradictions. I can value all of my feelings without allowing them to dictate my actions.
Today I can feel anger toward someone and still love them. I can feel afraid of new experiences, yet move forward through them. I can survive being hurt without giving up on love. And I can experience sadness and still be confident that I will be happy again.
Today’s Reminder
“Life, for all its agonies… is exciting and beautiful, amusing and artful and endearing…. And whatever is to come after it—we shall not have this life again.”
Rose Macaulay
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
This was one of the hardest lessons I ever learned in Al Anon: Feelings are JUST feelings and not facts. My feelings were what drove all of my actions, reactions and decisions. It's no wonder I was a mess!
Today I have learned that I can just sit with my feelings. My dear angel sponsor used to tell me "Don't just DO something, SIT there." You know, she was right.
Hugs and love,
Cats
PS: Judy, I miss you more as time passes. Thanks for being my angel.
Today I have learned that I can just sit with my feelings. My dear angel sponsor used to tell me "Don't just DO something, SIT there." You know, she was right.
Hugs and love,
Cats
PS: Judy, I miss you more as time passes. Thanks for being my angel.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
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Okay...I hate her and i still hate her and hopefully i don't fall
in love with her again.
The fact is ....i havn't made any contacts today.
and hopefully oneday it'll become fact that I'll stop
thinking about her or even mention her again
becuase the fact is thinking about her is a waste of my time
and the hours of sand is a running.
in love with her again.
The fact is ....i havn't made any contacts today.
and hopefully oneday it'll become fact that I'll stop
thinking about her or even mention her again
becuase the fact is thinking about her is a waste of my time
and the hours of sand is a running.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
Thanks Cats. Boy, have feelings gotten me into trouble. I've done things to try to get back at my XABF when the best move would have been to simply ignore him. Ignoring him might have kept him, too, from doing some self-destructive things just to "fix my wagon."
SaTiT ... I have found that as time goes on "the ghost" (my XABF's constant presence) changes. At first his presence brought extreme emotion whether it was anger or sadness. But now when I think of him those emotions are far more rare. More often I'm either numb, I think of him briefly and move on, or I feel pity. I hope as time goes on you too will find your feelings mellowing.
But on the other hand, I'm like you. I hope that he doesn't come into my life because I have no idea what emotions would immediately rear their head. If several years had gone by, I would feel more at ease, but I have the same fears as you do!
SaTiT ... I have found that as time goes on "the ghost" (my XABF's constant presence) changes. At first his presence brought extreme emotion whether it was anger or sadness. But now when I think of him those emotions are far more rare. More often I'm either numb, I think of him briefly and move on, or I feel pity. I hope as time goes on you too will find your feelings mellowing.
But on the other hand, I'm like you. I hope that he doesn't come into my life because I have no idea what emotions would immediately rear their head. If several years had gone by, I would feel more at ease, but I have the same fears as you do!
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