kelsh

Hi An'ka,

I can relate to you even tho I am now back with my first husband....we did marry again and have a very good sober life together.

Quite a few years back I was dating a man from AA with a Southern Charm that evaporated six months later when I let him move into my home.

My Ex was jealous and let "the **** of AA" move in with him. He had no idea at the time who she was or her reputation so I had to laugh...it made me feel sorry for him not a bit of jealousy on my part....until she started back to the AA Meetings and was wearing a ring...not an engagement type ring but she told everyone at AA that night that it was an engagement ring...I did get my feelings hurt. Then as everything progressed she continued to air their relationship activities at the meetings...just showed how dysfunctional she was. I didn't buy into her actions either so that made her mad.

I kicked out the man full of Rage at about the same time this woman moved out to her own place because she couldn't stay living in Sin....that she would come back when they got married....well I guess my Ex told her to go ahead...he had never planned to marry her and he would not for sure now that she moved out. She was livid and saw me downtown and layed into me.

That year of discontent ended with my husband and I seeing each other on the weekends and finally to our remarriage. We found out who we respected and wanted to spend the rest of our life with. At first he was still drinking but would not drink in front of me....but quit drinking before I moved in.

It takes all kinds of experiments and experiences to live in this world. :comfort

kelsh

Pick-a-name

Same thing I was thinking; she probably paid for it....or will. One thing is sure, she certainly is not thinking clearly on many levels. Does not sound like any "match made in Heaven".

Sorry you are hurting.

p.s. FWIW. it probably is not a real daimond! Hope you file the paperwork for child support....esp. if by some miracle one of them could afford the diamond! Your child deserves that as the very least from him, so give it the best chance of happening. jmho

Mr. Christian

It does take some time to get over the thoughts like this.
We look back at what we had done for them in the past and think “How could they?”

But in all reality we did everything with free will.
I now look back and say,“How could I have?”

People move on, and so will you.
Their relationship may blow up in a month or they might grow old together.
Main point is, you are out of it and your live has started a new chapter.
It has yet to be written.

hadenoughnow

I am sure she either paid for the ring or it was bought on her credit (we all know how that will end up).

I was extra dumb, I paid for two rings, he charged my first wedding ring to MY card (I will let you guess who ended up paying for it eventually). The second ring he bought when our son was born on his own credit but then he drank up the payment money and I had to take out a heloc to pay off his cc's. Guess who made the payments on the heloc? (not him)

miss communicat

you know, they sell big shiny CZ diamond looking "engagement" rings at Walmart for $8.99.

This 21 year old could be more gullible and naive and a fantasist than we could even imagine....she'd have to be in order to sign up for this ride. I have known women to buy those rings to wear out if there were any fear of losing the original, or, single women who either wanted opeople to believe they were married, and, alas, I've even seen women wear them when they are eager to get married and think this will speed the solution along.

The XAH could have agreed to the scheme just to see the look on your face. Doesn't sound like there's any love lost on him.

Anyway, I know its not the best idea to sit around imaging what the ring means, who bought it or what they are thinking anyway....I'm just glad you are moving far away from the sitch.

take care!

CBrown

An'ka ... I'll add my "ring" story to the others! My XABF (who I'd been on/off with for 10 years) announced in June we should be in a committed relationship. He bought a $50 silver ring at Kmart and I simply wore my mom's diamond engagement ring. Heck, I knew it was a farce, I just was hoping to persuade him to go to rehab so I played along. Then a month later he decided we should be "engaged." In August he decided we should marry on the cruise we were going on. I said I was not ready to marry him, yet on the cruise he bought a $200 gold band for himself. After the cruise, it all hit the fan and he disappeared on me. I still had connections where he lives in the Florida Keys and found out within three weeks he had bought two CZ rings off Amazon for $20 apiece and his XGF was wearing one. Big spender. By the end of the next month he had made plans to marry her this coming Valentine's Day in Vegas with Elvis officiating. Just a couple days ago he bought another $10 silver band for himself.

Well, I guess he just had to marry SOMEONE and since I refused to travel abroad with him or marry him unless he went through rehab and got SOBER, there was only one thing to do and that was go back with the XGF.

I've also found out that before I came back into the scene a year ago December, he was going around telling people he was marrying the XGF, and she was going around calling herself Mrs. S. I know, the story is convoluted. Bottom line is he's desperate to show that he can be a drunk traveler and someone will marry him.

I could NOT be happier for them! I am free of his verbal abuse, his manipulation, his lies, and his death wish on himself. I have found out since breaking up with him just how awful the two of them are, and how much they suit each other perfectly.

I know it's an awful, awful feeling when you find these things out. I still remember the sickening feeling. One night I got out of a restaurant, got in my car, and just burst into bitter tears, hollering "how could he DO this! how could he have LIED!" But they do.

If anything, pity that girl. She probably doesn't know and is dazzled. Imagine what she's going to go through. That is my big fear --- that my XABF will get dumped again by the current Mrs. S. and he'll be free to victimize another unsuspecting woman.

Engawa

When I was very young I married a charming older man after a very brief long distance courtship. Now I know it was mostly to get away from my alcoholic parents. AFTER we were married, I found out about the exwives and children he abandoned. I'm sure when they met me they had some choice opinions of his new young wife. You never know of course, but it could be that this 21 year old girl (and I mean girl) has been told a big bunch of lies about his life and has no idea what she's getting into. And yes, I think she bought the ring and/or its fake. In any case, she's not the alcoholic who didn't pay child support --he is. But I totally understand why you'd be beyond pissed at his showing up with her. How tacky!

Janitw

I too have a story to add to this thread....lol

My AXH left us in July 05 and his alcoholic/methhead GF was going all over town and at a wedding that they attended together were saying that they were gettin hitched as soon as his divorce was final in Dec 05.......well we all know what I did right??? I promptly filed for a continuance and then another and yet another so the divorce didn't finalize until Oct 06....they did marry 4 days after the divorce was final but I still got my dig in...the church that they attended (lol) refused to marry them so they got "hitched" in her backyard....woooooo. More power to them. From what I have heard she used her wedding rings from one of her previous 5 marriages.....boy did he "save" bucks there or what??? Lucky dude. Yeah right...lol The word has it that in the 1st year that they have been married he has left her 4 or 5 times to date....and she is calling the preacher of their chuch at 2 in the morning complaining that she can't believe that she married an alcoholic and even added him to her deed and refied HER house and added him to her mortgage.......(she doesn't work cuz she can't hold down a job).....geeeee I guess she is "trapped" by his income now.....poor hoochie mamma.....

I hope I didn't sound too critical of her but hey I think I am entitled to vent a little ....

The way I look at things today is that she is only getting whats left.....till meth do they part....

reader

i can't really add anything but it seems to me that karma is getting to all the ex's and there current lovers. I guess what comes around goes around. In a nutshell, if nothing changes, nothing changes. I pity these new love interests. The behaviors stay the same they just have a new victim. I am very sorry about the child support issue, My biggest beef in the world are dead beat dad's, or I suppose I should be "politically correct", dead beat parent. Hugs out to u and know I saw the other side as the child of an alcoholic and a so called dead beat dad. :comfort

cagefree

You know - thinking back, when XABF so quickly and so willingly removed me from his life, it cut my ego big time. I kept thinking I wasn't enough to change him, that someone else would come along that had magic-wand kind of power to fix him, that my self worth wasn't enough to make him a man ...say what?! Wow - I was really sick, my thinking was really screwed up.

And he's suddenly going to become the man of my dreams just because he's with someone else? That's about as likely as me changing my outcome of failed relationships by doing nothing. So, I'm changing myself...I love myself enough to know I deserve my dreams of a happy life. I finally got it - I cannot change anyone - and if someone doesn't change, it has nothing to do with me or my self-worth. I wish the lesson hadn't been so painful, but grateful none the less.

Hugs to you An'ka - that ego blow is tough - but you're tougher and changing things for the better!

Rella927

Anka

Be good to yourself and know that you are truly in a better place than this girl! I tend to believe what guineapigjude stated that they must all read the same book! I have found with most A's the same behavior pattern-it is kind of like the Codies! We all pretty much share the same patterns!

As others have stated on this thread-I agree that this girl is in for a long road ahead of her and I actually feel sorry for her-because she has no clue and no one can tell her otherwise. Be thankful you are in a better place-cherish the good that you had with him and let the rest go!

Please the best thing you can do for yourself now is go down and file those papers! Stop giving so much and start doing for you and that beautiful daughter of yours! No more chances or "if you do not do this by then" because IMHO it never worked for me!

hang in there

denny57

Amen.

steve11694

Not necessarily, not if you've ever listened to John Lennon's "instant karma"

His death was also tragic and needless, like xome of our loved ones.

steve11694

My wife was NOT alcoholic for the first 5 years but social drinking with heaving drinking/"alcoholic girlfriends changed that. The lovely person I knew became tragic before my eyes and I learned there was nothing I could do to change that.
She started looking for another enable after I learned about NOT enabling. Sure she is with someone else ot multiple others but what I lost and miss is the person that drinking took away.

steve11694

I saw my apparent typo above "heaving" and thought about changing it to "having". However on second thought, I recall my wife telling me stories about her friends regular vomiting after drinking that once had to be cleaned from our car.
Thus, "heaving" is quite the more appropriate term

Live

I did attempt to warn my successor. She still hates me, but she went thro' what I warned her about, had a child with him and they were separated just about as soon as she got pregnant.
And, yes, single I wore a CZ because I didn't want guys to hit on me. I made sure it was big enough to project....you can't afford me! LOL

luvmyfurbabies

I'll add a similar story.....My nephew, who is 37, recently left his 2nd wife of 7 years to be with his 26 yo girlfriend. He is now living in gf's mothers basement. His wife took over 10 years of BS from him with his drinking and pot smoking crap. He was in rehab 3 times last year and walked out of each one. He's now 2 months behind on his truck payment and insurance and does nothing all day. He says he is looking for a job. His daughter from his first marriage is now 13 and not supposed to say anything in front of her STB ex step-mother who has been there for her since she was 3 years old because the wife supposedly doesn't know about the new gf. Yeah, right. BUT, according to him, this new gf is his one true love. He wants to marry her and have children. Maybe they can put the crib in the basement with them. BTW, he also plays in a band and wants to be a rock star. His life is so out of focus right now it's unbelievable. His new GF doesn't have a clue as to what she is in for. She is so star struck over this 37 yo "man" who plays a guitar. I just wish I could shake her and say, "Get away from him now" before he ruins your life too.