an'ka

AH stopped by my office to sign a waiver form for the dissolution hearing next week. His pretty 21 old girlfriend (he's 36) came along, sporting a diamond ring on her finger. Yep, friends, after six months of dating, they are engaged! How awesome is that! And we are not even divorced yet.

I have been asking him for child support for 3 years now, to no avail. We were together 7 years before finally marrying--no romantic proposal and a wedding night watching his drunken stupor. I cleaned up his credit, his house, paid bills, gave him a beautiful daughter, and took his s--t during 3 years of hard core alcoholism and unemployment. During the last 11 years, I can count on my one hand the number of gifts he gave me. Of course, never any jewelry. Heck, I had to buy mine and his wedding rings (simple silver ones), because he didn't have the money.

And here I am. I KNOW it's all for the better. I don't want to get back together. But this girl's feeling are finally very, very hurt.

Whoever said anything about karma doesn't know what they're talking about.

Spiritual Seeker

Be grateful that he has someone else to clean him up. This lil' cutue batootie is the one who your child will spend every other weekend with?? Hopefully, she will have a checkbook to write those long-overdue support checks.

LaTeeDa

I pity the poor girl. She probably has no idea the pain and heartache that lies ahead for her. Not to mention the financial difficulties that 3 years of back child support will cause when it finally catches up to him. And it will. I believe in karma. But, karma takes time.......

L

best

Don't blame her. She is you those 10 years ago.
She will learn as did you or she will suffer all the longer.

queenteree

((An'ka)) Just a thought, you said you bought the wedding bands, etc., how do you know HE bought the diamond ring? She may have paid for it with his "promise" of paying her back. You know how A's can be. Can't blame you for feeling hurt though, kinda like a kick in the butt. But don't let it get ya down (I know, easier said than done). But what goes around does come around, it just takes time (and comes back threefold).

tollbooth

Now thats a classy guy bringing the new girl along !

My xagf moved in and got engaged within 6 mos of us breaking up too. I know how you gotta be feeling.:comfort

cmc

Nothing changes if nothing changes- which makes me believe that she paid for that ring. Does any of that matter now? As you look back over all the wreckage of having him in your life it's bound to be painful.
I'm sorry you are hurting and hope your emotions will soon 'match up' with what you know to be true. You have all that behind you and a new and better life ahead. (((an'ka)))

lostnfound1961

One thing to remember about Karma.... Sometimes we are not ment to see the outcome. Besides..... Whos to say she didn't buy that ring her self and I'm sure once they are married (if they get married) she will be real happy to have to help pay that back chiled support.

Just look her directly in the eyes and smile. Makes them nervis every time.
D

denny57

AH showed up at our first court hearing over a year ago with a wedding band on. Ours were gold; this one was silver. What a jerk AND a bigamist LOL. I did notice the last 5 court appearances it was gone. Just another attempt to hurt and manipulate.

I'm sorry you're hurting, but I hope you reach the place I have - utter peace and serenity. AH is also with a very young woman and I only have sympathy for her.

Stay strong and be good to yourself. ((()))

ARealLady

I agree with everyone who said that "chickie poo" paid for her own engagement ring herself. She's just a babe in arms....and VERY naive. Feel sorry for her, anka. I suspect she'll be posting on this forum before too long.

ARL

guineapigjude

Sorry you're going through this. Honest to God, like I said in another post, it's like they all read a book about how to behave ... they all pull the same stunts.
I'm in a sort of similar situation, though my X is still cheap with new GF! I agree with everyone else ~ his new enabler probably paid for her own ring. (I paid for mine!) And if she didn't pay upfront, she will in the long run! She may very well be as dysfunctional as he is.
It does get discouraging waiting for karma ... I try to let my HP deal with that, because I believe His justice is better than anything I can dish out! I also am coming to realize that their lives are justice enough! We are coming up to the holidays, and my XAH is spending them with his new GF, drinking and drugging to his heart's content, because GF thinks thats okay. I'll be the one with the kids. There's nothing he could buy her or she could buy him that would be worth more than what XAH threw away for his new lifestyle, his family. How miserable is that?

an'ka

Thank you, all, for your kind words. I don't know why this particular thing felt like such a slap in the face. My mom keeps saying, well, you're a psychologist, you can't take it so personally, that's just the kind of a man he is.... The thing is, though, my husband is not my client, and there is no training in the world that would prepare a woman to constructively deal with her husband and his pretty young fiance.

My ego has been scratched, but I am still happy. I have a beautiful child that I get to cuddle with every night. I wish the new couple all the best.

good_luck

Karma rarely comes in the form of diamond rings.

Barbara52

This confuses me a bit. Have you not filed in court for child support? Is it a matter of him hiding income from the court?

an'ka

Barbara, no, for two years of Kaitlin's life, he's been binging and not working. That's why I finally left him. This last year, he gave me money two or three times, and then promised to set up automatic deposits from his employer to my accout. I just told him that if that's not done within two weeks, the child support paperwork is all completed and will be filed with the Child Support Division.

DetachMe9

I paid for my engagement and wedding rings to my 1st AH. And I'm a therapist.

Would you rather be that girl or would you rather be you?

LaTeeDa

Even if he does do it, I would file the paperwork anyway. That way he no longer has a choice.

L

FormerDoormat

Based on your description of your husband's past behavior, I'd be willing to bet that he didn't buy her that diamond ring. She probably bought it for herself. If you think of it in this light, you might just begin to feel relief that he's no longer your problem and at the same time you might just feel sorry for her. Poor thing. She's only 21. She has no idea what she's getting herself into.

an'ka

I'm beginning to feel the same way, LaTeeDa...

Barbara52

Why delay? File with the court system. You know you are going to need them to enforce this, don't you? They will at least attempt to collect and will set the amount. And if they are anything like VA, they will jail him if he doesn't keep up with the payments, will attach any tax refunds (federal and state) that he may be eligible for, etc. There is no reason to wait.