angela79

So last night the guy I live with was wanting a ride to his friends house, no problem I got my son packed up to take him, then I asked him if he was going to leave the money he had in his pocket ($250) so he didn't chance losing it. He got mad and started yelling at me about how he wasn't ******** and such like that told me f##% you a couple times and that was it I started packing. He decided he wanted to talk about the situation finally so I brought up the fact of the 50 he had lost last week and how mad I was about him lying about it, of course he said that I had gone behind his back and "checked up on him". Well yes I did our conversation started to focus on me and how when I came up here I was only to stay a couple weeks but here I am 9 months later and how he's tired of me trying to change his life. I felt so much better while we were argueing I was trembling from the relief of getting all of this off my shoulders. I let him know his drinknig was stressing me out and of course his answer was "do I hit you or go crazy"? well no he doesn't but just watching him spiral down is enough for me. Is this always the response from them that if they are only destroying themselves then its ok? so when he gets off work today I will let him know that after all this time of me reaffirming that if he's ready to fight it I'm behind him the time has come for me to say the booze or me so wish me luck and lets hope I am strong enough.

WLDKATZ

you have the strength........just think of that baby...he needs you sweetheart....and you are talking months not years, you don't want it further down the line for him to turn into the other *******, he is already verbally abuseive who isn't to say that next he may not take it to another extreame....good luck

denny57

Good luck.

GlassPrisoner

I wouldn't take that bet.

You've probably noticed we alkies get a little defensive when our drinking is brought up.

After my ex kicked me out, I drank another 4 years before I found recovery.

hadenoughnow

This statement from him tells you all you need to know about this guy and whether he will change or not.

GiveLove

God can't give us advice directly -- he can only give us little signs like this, that tell us the path we ought to take toward happiness. Listen to your body, angela, and take care of you and your baby. He's not going to change; he only wants the convenience of what you can give HIM...but when he has to give back, then it's "forget it."

You deserve better than this.

embraced2000

good luck. it's time to put that 800 pound gorilla in the zoo.

Pick-a-name

....or get out of his cage!

embraced2000

pick......thanks for the chuckle......yes, definitely get out of his cage! never thought of it like that....still have those codie thoughts of control....lol

Janitw

Angela - my ex started to look for a girlfriend after the kids and I told him we wanted him to go to rehab.......and we were married 22 yrs. Just food for thought. I know you want to stay with him but don't force what you want onto him....he won't embrace sobriety in this way. It has to be HIS idea and his alone. Then you can support him in his effort - but not until such time hun.

angela79

thank you all so much! well after our blow up he has actually gone 2 days without drinking! I know it's not going to last without support but its nice for now. I am still going to leave but this makes my stress level drop. I have to say Thursday was probably one of my really bad days I cried and reached out for help but I don't know why I can't actually meet someone face to face so I spoke on the phone with a crisis lady and telling her my story I could here the judgement in her voice. She of course suggested anti depressants I avoid them because I don't want some chemical to determine my mood if it was a short term deppression I would consider them but I was diagnosed depressed as a child and will never "get over" it so I have learned to live with it and control my own behavior. anyway so it's finally calm here and I can concentrate for awhile on the exit strategy.

f911

About antidepressents. For me, they don't "determine my mood". They have been a lifesaver. They have "leveled off" my mood. The highs are not exceeding high and the lows are not exceeding low. They allow me to make much more rational decicsions. I feel "normal" for the first time in years. I am able to listen and look at situations much more rationally. I still have moments of great happiness and down times also, just not so out of proportion to the situation.

Just my 2 cents.

jane

Janitw

Well then it sounds like you have made a decision. Stay the course and stay well hun. Keep posting okay...posting helps alot of us on this road to recovery for ourselves....and in the end thats what is most important anyway.

Impurrfect

Angela -

When I was prescribed antidepressants years ago, I didn't want to take them...felt like I should be able to get myself "better" (I was a nurse at the time). My doctor explained that clinical depression is not something I could will myself out of. It is a result of brain chemisty.

The antidepressants didn't determine my mood. I had gotten to the point where I was pretty darn miserable and couldn't concentrate on anything. All the antidepressants did was help me to concentrate and function normally. I never got "high" from them, every day wasn't wonderful, but it did help me tremendously. My depression was short-term, but I know of several people who take them for chronic depression.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Pick-a-name

Same thing I have found. I took them for quite awhile and have been able to cut back on them and stop. If you need them, they are very helpful! Please consider all options.

I also started working out twice a week (even if I did not want to....it was good once I got there; ha) My doctor told me that is another helpful way to release endorphines and help feel better. The trainer I had helping me went to another gym two weeks ago and I have not worked out and am feeling the difference....even though my doctor told me how great that was for me to be doing the exercise,I am finding out the difference it has made on my mood,etc.

Hope you feel better soon. Depression to me feels like a deep,black hole......sometimes I need to accept a helping hand to get out of it.