hopeangel

well, it's come to this...

i got my settlement offer for my car, but ah has to sign the paper in order for them to release the check to me.

well, he has said he would sign the paper. i went car shopping today because i plan on using this money for a new car.

so today ah is sober and i asked him to sign the paper. he says, well, i think i should meet with the attorney first. i said why? i explained it to you.

then, he says I WILL SIGN IT IF YOU WILL HAVE SEX WITH ME! you have sex with me and I will sign it. he is refusing to sign it unless I have sex with him! wow, i can't believe it has come to this.

he says it will only take ten minutes and you get what you want and i get what i want. i told him that it is rape, prositution, sexual emotional abuse, cohersion, manipulation, attempt to control. i couldn't believe that he would want to force me to have sex with him. i asked him to please do the right thing and leave me with some kind of respect and love for him and to have some character and that i hope he finds God. i know i engaged, but... i asked him how he would feel doing that and for him to have some dignity and pride for himself.

he thinks that it is only fair for $10,000 (the amount of the settlement) and that i am being abusive to him by not having sex with him and that i am obligated as his wife. i told him that i have too much respect and self esteem and that it was not worth the money. he said that's the deal -take it or leave it. he thinks he has every right and sees nothing wrong with what he is doing.

he has told me before that it was me and my boundaries that have messed everything up-everything was fine before that.

so, i left and called my friend crying and telling her what happened. she said no way do you have sex with him. he is never going to have respect for you ever and will do whatever he pleases with you. she said just to call the attorney on monday and tell the attorney exactly what ah said and let him handle it.

WELL, i went one step farther than that....I GOT THE WHOLE THING ON TAPE!!! I went back in the house and recorded ah saying that i had to have sex with him for the money and that was the deal. so folks, I HAVE PROOF. i recorded him in all his glory on my cell phone which is now hidden at another home so he cannot get it.

i told him i would go to the attorney on monday and tell them everything and let them work it out -did not tell him that i have it all recorded, of course. he is really going to be embarassed because remember a guy's wife he plays in a band with works for this attorney and took care of my case.

he has taken it too far this time. i told him you want to play dirty i will too. this has got to be a new low for him.

so, i am sure there is legal action i can take against him right? can't you go to jail for things like this? is this grounds for a restraining order and get him kicked out of the house? i think this should at least be enough to keep him from seeing any money from the car accident right?

a new low for him. maybe this will be his bottom when i play this tape in front of the attorney and he has to face whatever the consequences are with him?

i really need advice. i want to be smart about this. the worst part is that part of me was actually considering having sex with him just to get the money, but what would that do to my self esteem? should i threaten him and tell him that i am going to attorney on monday and that i have him recorded and maybe that would be enough to get him to sign the papers? but, i am afraid that if he finds out i recorded it that he may get violent with me? (i tried to record him once before and he smushed the phone with my fingers in between it and broke the phone.) he has not been physically abusive in a very long time though (one thing counseling did seem to help with) i really don't know. or, do i just go to the attorney and take my chances as to what will happen?

help and advise and prayers please. i just can't believe it has come to this. he really is forcing me to make my decisions and file for dissolution sooner that later. it is his actions that are causing this right?

kelsh

MAY TRIGGER..............MAY TRIGGER.................MAY TRIGGER



Hi hopeangel,

I can't give you any advice. When I divorced my husband my lawyer did all of the communicating....I did not have to face my husband again. I even moved across state from him because he was following me in the car everywhere I went...even to my support group. The restraining orders he had against him did no good because he had to be there doing what he was doing when the sheriff arrived.

It took longer to finalize the divorce because he kept wanting wording changed and my lawyer had to mail the papers to me to get me to initial every wording he wanted changed. He was so horrible and had jail time waiting for him when they had a cell opened in the section of jail where they put child molesters so the general population won't kill them. He ended up getting only 45 days work release and three years of Sexual Offender Counseling which ended up to be four years because he didn't think he had done anything that wrong to his daughter. Mmmmmmmmmm.

kelsh

LaTeeDa

Hope, FWIW, I think you did the right thing. I have no idea how it will play out in court. But, you kept your side of the street clean. Let it go. Let the courts decide. Good move getting it on tape. At least he can't deny his disgustingness. (is that even a word?) Here's hoping everything goes your way. I've found that when I have a positive outlook, things generally go well for me. I hope you can keep your positive outlook.

*shaking head and rolling eyes at him*

L

Pick-a-name

Maybe he was figuring you'd not have sex with him and he would be off the hook for the $........hard to say.

I'll bet his lawyer won't be too happy to hear this tape! Let the two lawyers hear the tape and deal with it,imho.

Good luck!