Sad today
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
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Sad today
I am sad that it turned out this way. I am sad that I wanted to wake up next to R** every morning and cuddle. I am sad because i wanted to buy holloween candy, have a house and share neighbors and life with him. I wanted him to want to spend time with me - instead it was enough that we saw each other at work. i am sad that he wanted his friends more then he wanted me.
I am sad about when we were looking for a house together, and looking at houses and planning a future together and planning the design of the rooms together. I wanted to come home and cook together, eat dinner together and watch TV together. In reality, I cooked dinner, he came home late after working out, ate dinner w me but not really focused on me, worked on the computer and did things on his own.
I wanted to go with him to his sports games, maybe some day with a kid. I wanted him to have a garden (which he did without me anyway). I wanted him to be happy to come home to me.
I still wonder what happened. Why did he not want these things or want me? Why did he seem to act/pretend/think that he did?
I am sad about when we were looking for a house together, and looking at houses and planning a future together and planning the design of the rooms together. I wanted to come home and cook together, eat dinner together and watch TV together. In reality, I cooked dinner, he came home late after working out, ate dinner w me but not really focused on me, worked on the computer and did things on his own.
I wanted to go with him to his sports games, maybe some day with a kid. I wanted him to have a garden (which he did without me anyway). I wanted him to be happy to come home to me.
I still wonder what happened. Why did he not want these things or want me? Why did he seem to act/pretend/think that he did?
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by gns 
I am sad that it turned out this way. I am sad that I wanted to wake up next to R** every morning and cuddle. I am sad because i wanted to buy holloween candy, have a house and share neighbors and life with him. I wanted him to want to spend time with me - instead it was enough that we saw each other at work. i am sad that he wanted his friends more then he wanted me.
I am sad about when we were looking for a house together, and looking at houses and planning a future together and planning the design of the rooms together. I wanted to come home and cook together, eat dinner together and watch TV together. In reality, I cooked dinner, he came home late after working out, ate dinner w me but not really focused on me, worked on the computer and did things on his own.
I wanted to go with him to his sports games, maybe some day with a kid. I wanted him to have a garden (which he did without me anyway). I wanted him to be happy to come home to me.
I still wonder what happened. Why did he not want these things or want me? Why did he seem to act/pretend/think that he did?
I am sad about when we were looking for a house together, and looking at houses and planning a future together and planning the design of the rooms together. I wanted to come home and cook together, eat dinner together and watch TV together. In reality, I cooked dinner, he came home late after working out, ate dinner w me but not really focused on me, worked on the computer and did things on his own.
I wanted to go with him to his sports games, maybe some day with a kid. I wanted him to have a garden (which he did without me anyway). I wanted him to be happy to come home to me.
I still wonder what happened. Why did he not want these things or want me? Why did he seem to act/pretend/think that he did?
Maybe he did want that ....who knows? ExAH and I had most of those things and many more for many years,but with progression they ended like you describe your guy. I wonder many times,too.
Sorry you are hurting; hope your day improves!
Last edited by Pick-a-name; 10-30-2007 at 08:00 PM.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
i so understand what you said, gns. something got in the way of it all.....alcohol.
so sorry you are having a rough day....when i had those days, i would just let myself feel it till i didn't want to feel it anymore. then i would rise up out of my self imposed misery, and do something for myself.
it will get better, i promise it will get better if you just continue putting one foot in front of the other.....in other words....fake it till you make it.
big ole loving hugs to you today
jeri
so sorry you are having a rough day....when i had those days, i would just let myself feel it till i didn't want to feel it anymore. then i would rise up out of my self imposed misery, and do something for myself.
it will get better, i promise it will get better if you just continue putting one foot in front of the other.....in other words....fake it till you make it.
big ole loving hugs to you today
jeri
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
Thank you for another great post.
GNS, I am sad also that my XABF decided not to follow through with his resolve to become sober. I am sad also that the alcohol told him to forget about us traveling together cross-country in a motorhome, to let go of the dream of having a farm together. To turn from being a loving fiance to a cold, unfeeling man who went back with an XGF and put a ring on her finger in revenge.
But Embraced, you are right. It was that evil b*tch Alcohol who came inbetween and reminded him that she is his first and only love. Oh how the bottle loves to jerk the choke chain.
And Denny, you are right too. I can have a farm with a man who loves me, and guess what? One more thing! I can have a farm with the ducks, chickens, horses, and goats and I don't have to have a man there either! I can do it myself if need be!
GNS, I am sad also that my XABF decided not to follow through with his resolve to become sober. I am sad also that the alcohol told him to forget about us traveling together cross-country in a motorhome, to let go of the dream of having a farm together. To turn from being a loving fiance to a cold, unfeeling man who went back with an XGF and put a ring on her finger in revenge.
But Embraced, you are right. It was that evil b*tch Alcohol who came inbetween and reminded him that she is his first and only love. Oh how the bottle loves to jerk the choke chain.
And Denny, you are right too. I can have a farm with a man who loves me, and guess what? One more thing! I can have a farm with the ducks, chickens, horses, and goats and I don't have to have a man there either! I can do it myself if need be!
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by CBrown
I can have a farm with the ducks, chickens, horses, and goats and I don't have to have a man there either! I can do it myself if need be!
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
Ditto to what Pick said....sometimes even after we have lived and had all the things that you just described it still falls away hun.....progression is progression. It's sad and its painful. We all had or have dreams that we expected to be fulfilled and now they won't be. I know for a few of us on here there is a chance that the dreams can still become a reality and I pray and have hope that this happens for them. It didn't and won't ever happen for alot of us .... at least not with the addicts that brought us here but hopefully - God willing - with other people who are healthy. Lets all hope.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Sorry you're sad today, gns.
Although I agree that these are all things that you would find joy in being able to enjoy even without a Someone to share them with, I also believe that there will come a day when you find someone who wants the same things you do.
Let go of him, the person. Keep good track of what he taught you -- what YOU want and need and love and dream of -- so you can begin to put out positive energy to attract it.
Although I agree that these are all things that you would find joy in being able to enjoy even without a Someone to share them with, I also believe that there will come a day when you find someone who wants the same things you do.
Let go of him, the person. Keep good track of what he taught you -- what YOU want and need and love and dream of -- so you can begin to put out positive energy to attract it.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Hi, Its probably not that he didnt want those things, he may have been too focussed on the addiction. Its probably not that he didnt want you, he may have just been too focussed on himself. Learn from what you already know and use it to get the best for you.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
i am soad, too, for these and other reasons. The little boy is dressed as a pumpkin all week... first memorable halloween. seems so small, but its huge, and I am so tired of not having anyone to turn to and smile about it with. I dont have anyone to share my pride for our son. I am so angry. But, when it really boils down it is more sad.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by Buffalo66
I dont have anyone to share my pride for our son. I am so angry. But, when it really boils down it is more sad.
Happy Halloween!L
Keepingmyjoy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 328
Buff....I hear ya. Little guy and I will trick or treat for the 1st time. I am trying to focus on the fun and joy of his and enjoy the moment.......Hang in there.
I agree with LTD....you have us!
PS: I love those little "punkins" !
I agree with LTD....you have us!
PS: I love those little "punkins" !
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
"I am so tired of not having anyone to turn to and smile about it with."
I understand and respect that opinion! Sometimes it isn't meant to be, though. I think that is my case.
After being unmarried for eleven years, I am used to not having a partner to smile about things with. I can't say that I even miss it anymore. It could be I'm burned by my experiences, first with the XH running around on me and turning into the exact opposite person he started out as, to other men I dated who just weren't a match for me, to my XABF lied and betrayed.
Somewhere along the way, it became the rule, more than the exception, that I was going to have to make things happen for myself, and find my own happiness. It actually seems like an odd concept to have someone I can trust walking alongside me as a companion! I always was more of a loner, though, so it could be me.
I have walked away from two marriage proposals in the last few years. The first was a friend of a few years. I knew I didn't love him and to marry him would be for the wrong reason. And recently, I told my XABF no, that I would not marry him. Boy did they both have negative reactions too, even though I politely explained why I was declining!
I really do feel strongly about the saying "Better to be alone for all the right reasons, than to be with someone for all the wrong." If I am in a committed relationship again, fine. But if not, I am completely okay with it too!
I understand and respect that opinion! Sometimes it isn't meant to be, though. I think that is my case.
After being unmarried for eleven years, I am used to not having a partner to smile about things with. I can't say that I even miss it anymore. It could be I'm burned by my experiences, first with the XH running around on me and turning into the exact opposite person he started out as, to other men I dated who just weren't a match for me, to my XABF lied and betrayed.
Somewhere along the way, it became the rule, more than the exception, that I was going to have to make things happen for myself, and find my own happiness. It actually seems like an odd concept to have someone I can trust walking alongside me as a companion! I always was more of a loner, though, so it could be me.
I have walked away from two marriage proposals in the last few years. The first was a friend of a few years. I knew I didn't love him and to marry him would be for the wrong reason. And recently, I told my XABF no, that I would not marry him. Boy did they both have negative reactions too, even though I politely explained why I was declining!
I really do feel strongly about the saying "Better to be alone for all the right reasons, than to be with someone for all the wrong." If I am in a committed relationship again, fine. But if not, I am completely okay with it too!
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