Considering these ways to FINALLY leave AH ... OPINIONS NEEDED!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by queenteree 
Unfortunately, I have a job I've been at for 8 years and have medical w/them, plus 401K, etc.
L
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Prod, even short term marriages can get spousal support, just a shorter duration, if the one spouse was not working. I'd attend some meetings and share about where I am and ask for assistance or guidance.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
I say "unfortunately" cause I can't just up and leave like her (would ruin my reference from them, lose my medical, etc.) and I really wish I could. I admire her strength and courage. I guess I meant unfortunate for me. And yes, I am negative today, and I think we all would admit, unless you are soooo far along in your recovery, that we all have negative days.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Prod, short term marriages not getting spousal support must be a state specific thing, bc I know you can get it here in Florida for less a 5 year marriage. What a bummer.
You are doing so well Prod. I love hearing the motivation and strength from you!
You go girl!
You are doing so well Prod. I love hearing the motivation and strength from you!
You go girl!
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
For all you negative thinkers out there today, consider this:
"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, either way you're right."
--Henry Ford
When I was stuck thinking "I can't," I couldn't. When I began to think "I can," I could. And boy could I.
Today my life is better than I could have ever imagined. The finances worked out easily and I didn't feel a thing. In fact, I live a much cushier life, financially speaking, today than I did when I was living in misery with Richard. When I began to focus on what I could do, my income increased accordingly and drastically. And I'm just getting started. Boy did I underestimate myself. So stop underestimating yourselves and start recognizing your worth.
Now will you PLEASE stop thinking about what you CAN'T do and start focusing on what you CAN do?
"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, either way you're right."
--Henry Ford
When I was stuck thinking "I can't," I couldn't. When I began to think "I can," I could. And boy could I.
Today my life is better than I could have ever imagined. The finances worked out easily and I didn't feel a thing. In fact, I live a much cushier life, financially speaking, today than I did when I was living in misery with Richard. When I began to focus on what I could do, my income increased accordingly and drastically. And I'm just getting started. Boy did I underestimate myself. So stop underestimating yourselves and start recognizing your worth.
Now will you PLEASE stop thinking about what you CAN'T do and start focusing on what you CAN do?
Royalty
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 366
Uhauls and such
Prodigal,
I always think of something you said a long time ago, when I am not dealing well with AH. Your quote: "I cannot stop him from drinking, all I can do is get out of his way and let him drink himself to death." It probably doesn't apply now, but it always helped me from trying to 'control' his drinking.
One of my plans for leaving, has always been to rent a UHAUL and just pack everything while he is at work one day, and just disappear. Your plan is more planned out than mine. But I just have to say that I love it.
As far as the money issue, half of everything is yours....and half of your debt is his. I wouldn't make yourself 'most wanted' over the insurance checks. Use your credit card (before you file for divorce) and half of that expense will be credited to AH. You may never see a dime of it, but your conscience will also be clear.
Good luck to you. Your determination will get you through this.
HQ
I always think of something you said a long time ago, when I am not dealing well with AH. Your quote: "I cannot stop him from drinking, all I can do is get out of his way and let him drink himself to death." It probably doesn't apply now, but it always helped me from trying to 'control' his drinking.
One of my plans for leaving, has always been to rent a UHAUL and just pack everything while he is at work one day, and just disappear. Your plan is more planned out than mine. But I just have to say that I love it.
As far as the money issue, half of everything is yours....and half of your debt is his. I wouldn't make yourself 'most wanted' over the insurance checks. Use your credit card (before you file for divorce) and half of that expense will be credited to AH. You may never see a dime of it, but your conscience will also be clear.
Good luck to you. Your determination will get you through this.
HQ
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Please think about the consequences of cashing that check. You could be accused of fraud!
It's not worth it. Make your path a straight one with no regrets about who you are and what you do.
It's not worth it. Make your path a straight one with no regrets about who you are and what you do.
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Prodigal, I spent a lot of years making plans but when it came down to it...well, the plans didn't matter so much. In fact, half of them didn't work. I took what I had to have to survive without him for an extended period and left.
I had begun putting things that I knew I'd want(photos and such) in a safe place so that when I made the 'escape' I wouldn't be consumed with worry over that sort of thing. I evaluated what was important, what I could replace and what I had to have.
As far as the money, I had consulted with support personnel at a DV hotline and eventually an attorney. There is advice out there free of charge.
The best advice I got but I didn't take...make it a clean break. I don't know if it's even possibleto do that. I struggled with taking the high road because everyone was telling me what was mine and what he owed me.
But what it boiled down to was what did I owe ME-sanity, peace of mind, freedom-and those things have travelled with me well on the high road.
I will say, though, against my attorneys advice I didn't seek all that I was owed because I was consumed with getting out and looking back now that was a mistake. But, there are ways to do things and eventually, when the time is right, a lawyer can help you get what is owed you--the right way!
I had begun putting things that I knew I'd want(photos and such) in a safe place so that when I made the 'escape' I wouldn't be consumed with worry over that sort of thing. I evaluated what was important, what I could replace and what I had to have.
As far as the money, I had consulted with support personnel at a DV hotline and eventually an attorney. There is advice out there free of charge.
The best advice I got but I didn't take...make it a clean break. I don't know if it's even possibleto do that. I struggled with taking the high road because everyone was telling me what was mine and what he owed me.
But what it boiled down to was what did I owe ME-sanity, peace of mind, freedom-and those things have travelled with me well on the high road.
I will say, though, against my attorneys advice I didn't seek all that I was owed because I was consumed with getting out and looking back now that was a mistake. But, there are ways to do things and eventually, when the time is right, a lawyer can help you get what is owed you--the right way!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
IF YOU GET SICK AND TIRED OF BEING PUT THROUGH THE WRINGER BY AN ALCOHOLIC, YOU WILL LEAVE REGARDLESS OF THE COST. SANITY IS WORTH ONE HECKUVA LOT MORE THAN MATERIAL POSSESSIONS - YOU CAN'T TAKE THOSE WITH YOU WHEN YOU'RE DEAD.
I just sold my wedding ring set to a pawn shop and got $600. That's $200 more than they offered me back in August.
I also start working next week at Barnes & Noble for $7 an hour for approximately 15-20 hours per week. No benefits, but about $400 a month in my pocket.
To anyone who doubts they can walk away, I say "HOGWASH." There are folks on this board who know me personally and can attest to the fact that I came up with every doggone excuse ever spoken and then some.
I'm walking with $4,400 to my name, no full-time job, no retirement fund, and about $22K in credit card debt. IT CAN BE DONE.
The pastors and elders at church are aware of my situation. I will discuss it with them in depth on Sunday. I have an ironclad promise from God, and he never goes back on His promises. Frankly, I'm sick and tired of everybody fussing about money.
When John D. Rockefeller died, a gentleman asked a friend of his, "How much did he leave???"
"All of it."
I just sold my wedding ring set to a pawn shop and got $600. That's $200 more than they offered me back in August.
I also start working next week at Barnes & Noble for $7 an hour for approximately 15-20 hours per week. No benefits, but about $400 a month in my pocket.
To anyone who doubts they can walk away, I say "HOGWASH." There are folks on this board who know me personally and can attest to the fact that I came up with every doggone excuse ever spoken and then some.
I'm walking with $4,400 to my name, no full-time job, no retirement fund, and about $22K in credit card debt. IT CAN BE DONE.
The pastors and elders at church are aware of my situation. I will discuss it with them in depth on Sunday. I have an ironclad promise from God, and he never goes back on His promises. Frankly, I'm sick and tired of everybody fussing about money.
When John D. Rockefeller died, a gentleman asked a friend of his, "How much did he leave???"
"All of it."
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
Prodigal, as a practical matter I just wanted to mention that Starbucks is well-known for providing affordable health insurance to their employees. If you have health issues and need insurance, it's something to consider.
Godspeed! You are on your way, baby!
Godspeed! You are on your way, baby!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
Hey Prod....I just came online and saw your thread....alot of lawyers offices have an attorney that works pro bono.....my sis is a paralegal so she knows....she said the attorneys in alot offices take turns working pro bono cases....make some calls and ask to speak to a paralegal and ask her if any of the lawyers in her office will do a pro bono case.
ATM's will cough up 200 -300 per day.....how many days will AH be gone????
You live in a community property state so this means that you are entitled to half of the equity that that house has accrued since you were married.....do the math ok... he will have to refi to pay you this amount.
My heart is with you sweetie...
Janitw
ATM's will cough up 200 -300 per day.....how many days will AH be gone????
You live in a community property state so this means that you are entitled to half of the equity that that house has accrued since you were married.....do the math ok... he will have to refi to pay you this amount.
My heart is with you sweetie...
Janitw
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