keepingmyjoy

Hi, just had to share with you all...I found a townhouse to rent AND someone to share it with! I lost a dear friend in death in the summer, and have been there for her 24 year old daughter since. She got pregnant about 2 days after Mom passed (a comfort from old boyfriend gone too far!) I have become the "go-to" person with all deeply personal pregnancy questions etc. She is a really good kid, and we are both in need of a stepping stone to our futures. We have known each other for years, and have watched her grow up into a lovely person.

So, we are going to share this townhouse-big enough for all to be comfortable and have privacy if wanted, and we can share cost. She was also worried that she would be alone with the whole labor, newborn experience and has all the brand new mother jitters and is thrilled that I will be around if she has questions. She has been on her own for years and doesn't want another mother, since misses hers, wants to do all on her own, but glad I will be there if needed.

I think this will be a win win for both of us. On the one hand I am so excited! Then on the other hand, I am terrified. AH is still doing the "everything is fine" dance even though I told him I am leaving- and now that I have gotten the townhouse, I have to give him the date I am leaving. Boy is it going to burst his bubble because I think he doesn't really think I will leave the house/lifestyle etc.

Phew....I am doing it...OMG! Sometimes I think I need someone to give me oxygen! But someone said to just keep taking steps forward and in 6 months, I will be amazed where I am. So...onward is where I am going with little guy in tow! Thanks for all your support. I am not sure I could have done it without all of you.

Barbara52

Congrats! Sounds like things are movoing in the right direction for you.

When will you move? I'm asking because if its more than a few days, you might want to hold off telling your AH when you are moving until the date is close. It will save you from the drama/anger/whatever.

keepingmyjoy

Have to confirm, but Nov 15th or Dec 1st. But I told him I was leaving so that he could figure out his driving arrangements to get to work. In my earlier post, I think I mentioned...He actually told me I had to buy him a car, put in on my insurance and in my name since he had to get to work! (he has 2 recent DWI's and I have driven him to work and picked him up for 5 yrs. Gave him notice Sept 06 that I did not want to drive anymore) He says I cannot leave him high and dry! hahahahah Is he kidding me? It is not like I did not give him any notice!

keepingmyjoy

But, I did not tell him yet that I got a place to live or date. That one, maybe I should hold off on, thanks for the input Barbara.

ARealLady

I just love reading about opportunities that were meant to be. I am so happy for you and the little guy and....your friend's daughter too!

I agree with Barbara to hold off telling your H until just before you go.

ARL

hadenoughnow

That's great news!

I would also wait until the last possible moment to tell him. You have given him plenty of notice already, he chooses to ignore it.

Barbara52

Have you given him a date after which you will no longer drive him around? From my POV of view that should be sufficient for now. You have let him know he has to start taking responsibility for himself. The exact day you are moving doesn't have to be mentioned until its much closer IMO. I didn't give my AH any warning at all of the move date because I chose not to live with the days of drama and anger. (I had told him a number of times that my patience was running out and that if he didn't change I would be leaving in the 6 months leading up to my move.) You might feel better doing it differently. It all depends on your needs and wants though, not his.

queenteree

keepingmyjoy - I am so happy for you! Congrats! See, your HP was looking out for you. I love hearing such nice things. I wish you so much luck in your new place, you deserve it! Terri

GiveLove

Keeping,

Way to go!!!!! I am so excited for you!!! Now, you know there will still be some bumps, but gosh if you keep taking those baby steps you will start to see them add up like crazy.

I would not tell him. Once he knows, all hell will break loose, and I'm a big believer in having the shortest possible periods of all hell breaking loose I made the mistake of telling my ex ten days before I was to leave. That was ten days of sheer hell, and threats, and crying, and shouting, and horror. Actually, it was 7...after that, I packed up just the things I needed and went and slept on a friend's couch for three days because I couldn't stand it any more. I would hate for that to happen to you.

Give him a date when he is going to have to find his own way to work ( a couple of weeks before you leave if you can, but don't sweat it...he's a big boy) and your conscience should be 100% clear.

Gosh, you have done everything possible for him and still it's like trying to get a boneless cat to stand up on his own two feet. He keeps flopping down...."Ohhh now you have to take caaaarre of poooor meeeee" Glad you are finally able to see how sad and stupid and selfish that is.

Hugs to you, and cheers!
GiveLove

keepingmyjoy

Gosh, you have done everything possible for him and still it's like trying to get a boneless cat to stand up on his own two feet. He keeps flopping down...."Ohhh now you have to take caaaarre of poooor meeeee"

Give love, you crack me up! I visualize easily, so as I am reading your post, I just pictured him like that cat! LOL But you are so right. I have "given til I bled", and still he wants more! It is unbelievable to me.



Thanks so much for the input. I think I will hold off telling him the details, but tell him I will not drive him to work after 11/15/07--that's the day I get to move into my new place! I am signing the lease on Monday. Everytime I feel panic--and I do quite a bit--I just keep telling myself to breathe.

Can ask you guys one more thing? I have been debating with myself over what to do with little guy for the move. I am worried that if he sees the whole thing and AH is difficult, could be very bad for him. But then, if he doesn't see any packing or anything, and then all of sudden all his stuff is somewhere else, that doesn't seem the best either. Any thoughts? (he's 3)

Barbara52

Can you arrange to has your little guy with a friend or family member for the day? It probably would be best he not be around during the move itself, not only for him but to let you concentrate on packing up and getting out.

Its been a while since my kids were that young so I can't remember real well how to deal with them but I do know that most kids will accept being told that things are adult problems/events/issues and that they don't need to think about it. You can make it like an adventure for him, saying something along the lines of mommy and you are going to be living in a new place that is lots of fun. Have his room set up with his stuff when you bring him into your new home so its as familiar as possible. Keep telling him you love him and don't let him see or hear you talking about your fears/worries/concerns.

GiveLove

Keeping,

Great idea keeping your son away from the sickness and chaos and horror of an angry alcoholic on the day his comfy little self-centered world caves in....you're a good mom

Not being a parent, it's tough for me to guess, but...I'd say Barbara's advice might be sound. On the day, you could make it sound really exciting. Maybe have a special treat that you know he'll love (toy, game, food, anything that will really make him grin from ear to ear) waiting for him when you get there. Talking to him -- not too much beforehand, because won't he tell your husband? -- is probably pretty critical. Some of the other mothers around here might have some thoughts based on what they told their young children.

And while you're moving...what are your options? Do you have family close by (that would probably be the best-case scenario) ? Does he go to daycare? Tell us the possibilities you can see or dream up, and maybe us non-parents can help with creative ideas I know a friend's daughter went to an art day camp for a half-day...she seemed to have a lot of fun.

XOXOX
GL

Mr. Christian