Insane Day, But it's finally out there
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Des Moines, IA
Posts: 66
Insane Day, But it's finally out there
In my last post I mentioned that my AH came by and wanted to have another baby to fix our relationship. Well that very day he went out and put over $7000 on credit cards to buy stuff for his new rental. In addition, I saw that he had bought tickets to an event locally. By deductive reasoning based on who was coming to town, I figured out that it was to a concert that will be held tonight. He has never mentioned that he bought the tickets, I just knew based on the financial transactions. So my mind went to "who is he taking"? Since it really is none of my business and I can't count on the truth, I never asked.
So this morning, I called him to find out what time he planned to pick up our son tomorrow so that I could plan my day. After he told me the time, I asked him if he was working Friday night and his reply was yes.
At about 10:40 this morning, I receive a call from the security desk at work letting me know that AH was there to see me. I went down and saw him standing there and could instantly tell that he had been drinking. I asked him what was up and he replied that I had ruined his surprise. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about. He then went on to tell me that he actually wasn't going to work tonight and that he had bought tickets to the concert and wanted me to join him. He said that is was supposed to be a surprise. WHAT? We haven't been together for almost 6 months and a week ago I told him that I didn't see us ever getting back together because NOTHING has changed. So he wants me to go to a concert and asks me the day of the event. He says he already has a baby sitter lined up. OMG I don't even like the music this group plays and he knows that.
I believe that he realized I knew about the tickets and decided to cover his tracks by saying it was a surprise for me. Our conversation went from bad to worse. I rehashed the same things I have been stating for the last 6 months, such as you have not taken accountability for your role in this break up with the other woman. You are still drinking, nothing has changed, blah, blah, blah!!! I'm getting real tired of repeating myself over and over and over. He then tells me, "if you are saying we are over than you better just tell me". I replied, I pretty much did when I said we weren't getting back together. Then he says, are you saying that you want a divorce? I stated yes that is where I am going with this. Okay, it's out now.
He goes on to begin getting very emotional, crying and spouting off then telling me how much he loves me and so on. Mind you, this is in the building I work in and the security guard is not standing too far away by this time. He moves from one topic to another to another including selling the house and then leaves and shouts what his weight has gone down to on his way out. So now I should feel sorry for him because he would rather drink than eat.
I am so tired of all this madness and really couldn't believe that he decided to come see me at work after he had been drinking. Oh yeah, when I asked him if he had been drinking his response was yes because you ruined my surprised. So his drinking is my fault too. Anything to avoid accountability. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I had to go back up to work and finish my day. Needless to say, I wasn't worth much productivity after that.
I guess on the positive side of things, it's out there. I admitted that I wanted out. My real hope is that when he sobers up that we can sit down and discuss the details in a civil manner. That may be asking for too much but I don't know. I guess time will tell. Divorces cost so much anyway but if he wants to be a butt about it the cost will skyrocket. I don't have $4000 to drop for additional fighting and neither does he.
Thanks for letting me vent. I really do so well most of the time and then the occasional A bomb drops and its ciaos again.
So this morning, I called him to find out what time he planned to pick up our son tomorrow so that I could plan my day. After he told me the time, I asked him if he was working Friday night and his reply was yes.
At about 10:40 this morning, I receive a call from the security desk at work letting me know that AH was there to see me. I went down and saw him standing there and could instantly tell that he had been drinking. I asked him what was up and he replied that I had ruined his surprise. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about. He then went on to tell me that he actually wasn't going to work tonight and that he had bought tickets to the concert and wanted me to join him. He said that is was supposed to be a surprise. WHAT? We haven't been together for almost 6 months and a week ago I told him that I didn't see us ever getting back together because NOTHING has changed. So he wants me to go to a concert and asks me the day of the event. He says he already has a baby sitter lined up. OMG I don't even like the music this group plays and he knows that.
I believe that he realized I knew about the tickets and decided to cover his tracks by saying it was a surprise for me. Our conversation went from bad to worse. I rehashed the same things I have been stating for the last 6 months, such as you have not taken accountability for your role in this break up with the other woman. You are still drinking, nothing has changed, blah, blah, blah!!! I'm getting real tired of repeating myself over and over and over. He then tells me, "if you are saying we are over than you better just tell me". I replied, I pretty much did when I said we weren't getting back together. Then he says, are you saying that you want a divorce? I stated yes that is where I am going with this. Okay, it's out now.
He goes on to begin getting very emotional, crying and spouting off then telling me how much he loves me and so on. Mind you, this is in the building I work in and the security guard is not standing too far away by this time. He moves from one topic to another to another including selling the house and then leaves and shouts what his weight has gone down to on his way out. So now I should feel sorry for him because he would rather drink than eat.
I am so tired of all this madness and really couldn't believe that he decided to come see me at work after he had been drinking. Oh yeah, when I asked him if he had been drinking his response was yes because you ruined my surprised. So his drinking is my fault too. Anything to avoid accountability. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I had to go back up to work and finish my day. Needless to say, I wasn't worth much productivity after that.
I guess on the positive side of things, it's out there. I admitted that I wanted out. My real hope is that when he sobers up that we can sit down and discuss the details in a civil manner. That may be asking for too much but I don't know. I guess time will tell. Divorces cost so much anyway but if he wants to be a butt about it the cost will skyrocket. I don't have $4000 to drop for additional fighting and neither does he.
Thanks for letting me vent. I really do so well most of the time and then the occasional A bomb drops and its ciaos again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Ya just gotta love the warped thinking of an alcoholic!
If this becomes a pattern you might want to consider a restrainign order to keep him away from where you work. Most employers are real happy with that sort of scene at their place of business.
If this becomes a pattern you might want to consider a restrainign order to keep him away from where you work. Most employers are real happy with that sort of scene at their place of business.
Royalty
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 366
Hi,(I assume your name is jenny?) Yes, Im old enough to remember that song.
And you thought you could reason with someone who has been drinking? I think I would have asked the security guard to remove him.
I am wondering why you are checking his finances, if you haven't been together for six months? Perhaps because you are still married? A legal separation should be filed as soon as you can to prevent any more marrital debt. And then, no need to keep checking his accounts.
That's what alot of us codependants do. Check accounts, emails, how much alcohol is missing, how many bottles, credit card statements, dates, times, cell phone records......endless list of stuff that we keep doing to validate everything we already know is true. It's a hard habit to stop, but it's so much better if one can stop.
And you thought you could reason with someone who has been drinking? I think I would have asked the security guard to remove him.
I am wondering why you are checking his finances, if you haven't been together for six months? Perhaps because you are still married? A legal separation should be filed as soon as you can to prevent any more marrital debt. And then, no need to keep checking his accounts.
That's what alot of us codependants do. Check accounts, emails, how much alcohol is missing, how many bottles, credit card statements, dates, times, cell phone records......endless list of stuff that we keep doing to validate everything we already know is true. It's a hard habit to stop, but it's so much better if one can stop.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Des Moines, IA
Posts: 66
HolyQow - yes I am Jenni and that's the song. LOL His finances are technacally still my finances as we still have joint bank accounts and we are still married. I am making progress as I had him take over his cell phone and move it off of my account. It's one step. Now that everything is out in the open, I plan to get the names of some lawyers to go forward with divorce. I think this will be the best step as a legal seperation costs the same as a divorce from what I understand. At that time I will change over the bank accounts, once child support has been established. He has been transferring the amount from his (joint) account to mine (joint).
This is the first time he has ever come to work to see me. I do hope that it never happens again and I suspect it wont.
This is just craziness and madness at it's best. The unfortunate thing is that I will always have a tie to him divorce or not because we have a son. The best I can do is stay firm with my boundries, look out for my child's welfare and proceed with the steps I need to take. I know this will never be "over" so I just need to take care of me and my boy the best that I can.
This is the first time he has ever come to work to see me. I do hope that it never happens again and I suspect it wont.
This is just craziness and madness at it's best. The unfortunate thing is that I will always have a tie to him divorce or not because we have a son. The best I can do is stay firm with my boundries, look out for my child's welfare and proceed with the steps I need to take. I know this will never be "over" so I just need to take care of me and my boy the best that I can.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 633
I am sorry to hear about the incident at work and hope more peaceful days are ahead for you and your child. I would open an additional checking account in your name only, he can legally empty any accounts that are joint.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Des Moines, IA
Posts: 66
I do have another checking account in my name only which I use for bills so no worries there. I have my direct deposits split accordingly so really there is not much to be drained out of my joint account.
I just got a call from AH and he is on the way over to pick up our son for their time together. Wish me luck. In his call earlier his voice was very abrupt and angry. I sure hope he settles down. No worries of violence or anything like that, he has never raised a hand to me in the 18 years I have known him.
I just got a call from AH and he is on the way over to pick up our son for their time together. Wish me luck. In his call earlier his voice was very abrupt and angry. I sure hope he settles down. No worries of violence or anything like that, he has never raised a hand to me in the 18 years I have known him.
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