An update.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444
An update.....
So much has been happening, and I've really not had time to share, so thought I'd let ya'll know of some things going through my mind.
I told you a couple of weeks ago that I had had a discussion with Squinty about things I just was not going to live with anymore. Namely, when he's drunk, he tries to make everyone's life miserable. I told him he was not to wake my kids up in the middle of the night, unless it's an emergency, just to chew them out, or call them whatever name he feels (my Dad use to do this, and it's not happening at my house). I also said, he has no right to throw my things away (he's thrown my Crabtree and Evelyn Body stuff out twice, just because he doesn't like things sitting on the back of the toilet, or anywhere for that matter). I told him I keep a clean house, and pretty things sitting around are ok--they are not hurting anything, and he doesn't have a right to throw them a way. I told him I don't care to carry on any conversation with him when he's drunk.
So! He drank that night, and didn't drink for 1-1/2 weeks, then started back in. Geesh, he was finally beginning to make sense in a normal conversation! Welp, that didn't last.
So now, we are having family problems. My son-in-law joined the Marines, so that it will pay for his medical schooling. Of course, if they move, Squinty will lose whatever control he thinks he has on our daughter, so this makes Squinty mad. My son-in-law hadn't told him that he had joined, because when he talked about it before, all Squinty did was argue about it. Well, my s-i-l was accepted into the Marines about 3 weeks ago, and he finally came over during my younger daughter's graduation open house this past Saturday, and decided to tell him. He followed Squinty around for about 2 hours, while Squinty wouldn't give him the time of day. Finally my s-i-l told him he needed to talk to him, and he listened. Boy was Squinty mad! Now, he's ready to let my daughter go from working for us, because he says that if she's planning on leaving in a year anyways, he needs to get someone that's planning on staying--as if we could really count on anyone to stay, really. My daughter and s-i-l are furious with the way he has been treated--ignored, condescended on, etc. Since my daughter was at work yesterday, and Squinty was golfing all day, we talked. Squinty came home, and after getting rather drunk, he wanted to know what my daughter had to say, and I told him I didn't want to talk to him about it right then, which made him mad.
So, this morning, he asked me again. I told him, she was ticked (an understatement!) with the way he had treated s-i-l. Squinty made a bunch of excuses, and then started getting on how bad our s-i-l's family is, etc., and I told him that I didn't care to hear him cut down people, (they are wonderful people) and if he wanted to, he could find someone else that enjoys cutting down people, and they could do it together. I said the issue is that he was treating our s-i-l the same way he does anyone he considers to be beneath him, and that our s-i-l and daughter are not so ignorant that they couldn't see that. He started in on me then on how I supposedly was the one that wanted to argue about this anyways, so why was I getting upset (I wasn't--remained rather cool, I thought). I told him I didn't want to carry on this conversation in the first place, and if he wanted the facts as they were, he needed to talk to them, so that I wasn't expected to try to relay word for word their feelings, taking a chance of interpretting them wrong. So, he left and went to work.
I think I'm beginning to get a handle on letting him take care of his own problems on his own. If he wants to alienate his whole family--let him clean it up!
Thanks for listening.
Lyn
I told you a couple of weeks ago that I had had a discussion with Squinty about things I just was not going to live with anymore. Namely, when he's drunk, he tries to make everyone's life miserable. I told him he was not to wake my kids up in the middle of the night, unless it's an emergency, just to chew them out, or call them whatever name he feels (my Dad use to do this, and it's not happening at my house). I also said, he has no right to throw my things away (he's thrown my Crabtree and Evelyn Body stuff out twice, just because he doesn't like things sitting on the back of the toilet, or anywhere for that matter). I told him I keep a clean house, and pretty things sitting around are ok--they are not hurting anything, and he doesn't have a right to throw them a way. I told him I don't care to carry on any conversation with him when he's drunk.
So! He drank that night, and didn't drink for 1-1/2 weeks, then started back in. Geesh, he was finally beginning to make sense in a normal conversation! Welp, that didn't last.
So now, we are having family problems. My son-in-law joined the Marines, so that it will pay for his medical schooling. Of course, if they move, Squinty will lose whatever control he thinks he has on our daughter, so this makes Squinty mad. My son-in-law hadn't told him that he had joined, because when he talked about it before, all Squinty did was argue about it. Well, my s-i-l was accepted into the Marines about 3 weeks ago, and he finally came over during my younger daughter's graduation open house this past Saturday, and decided to tell him. He followed Squinty around for about 2 hours, while Squinty wouldn't give him the time of day. Finally my s-i-l told him he needed to talk to him, and he listened. Boy was Squinty mad! Now, he's ready to let my daughter go from working for us, because he says that if she's planning on leaving in a year anyways, he needs to get someone that's planning on staying--as if we could really count on anyone to stay, really. My daughter and s-i-l are furious with the way he has been treated--ignored, condescended on, etc. Since my daughter was at work yesterday, and Squinty was golfing all day, we talked. Squinty came home, and after getting rather drunk, he wanted to know what my daughter had to say, and I told him I didn't want to talk to him about it right then, which made him mad.
So, this morning, he asked me again. I told him, she was ticked (an understatement!) with the way he had treated s-i-l. Squinty made a bunch of excuses, and then started getting on how bad our s-i-l's family is, etc., and I told him that I didn't care to hear him cut down people, (they are wonderful people) and if he wanted to, he could find someone else that enjoys cutting down people, and they could do it together. I said the issue is that he was treating our s-i-l the same way he does anyone he considers to be beneath him, and that our s-i-l and daughter are not so ignorant that they couldn't see that. He started in on me then on how I supposedly was the one that wanted to argue about this anyways, so why was I getting upset (I wasn't--remained rather cool, I thought). I told him I didn't want to carry on this conversation in the first place, and if he wanted the facts as they were, he needed to talk to them, so that I wasn't expected to try to relay word for word their feelings, taking a chance of interpretting them wrong. So, he left and went to work.
I think I'm beginning to get a handle on letting him take care of his own problems on his own. If he wants to alienate his whole family--let him clean it up!
Thanks for listening.
Lyn
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
Good job Lyn!!
There is no reason why you ever need to be the referee(is that spelled right?) I know I have tryed to be one in the past and it usually backfires and he just gets madder at me.He should be the one to clean up the mess he has caused.
Why is it that everyone is a ***hole to them? My husband is always putting people down and calling them terrible names. He thinks after he doesn't show up on time or changes days to see his customers that they are suppose to be OK with that. If they get mad or upset then they are ***holes!! Everyone needs to work around his schedule of drinking.
Take care,
matters
There is no reason why you ever need to be the referee(is that spelled right?) I know I have tryed to be one in the past and it usually backfires and he just gets madder at me.He should be the one to clean up the mess he has caused.
Why is it that everyone is a ***hole to them? My husband is always putting people down and calling them terrible names. He thinks after he doesn't show up on time or changes days to see his customers that they are suppose to be OK with that. If they get mad or upset then they are ***holes!! Everyone needs to work around his schedule of drinking.
Take care,
matters
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Lyn
Your are doing so well, I hope you are writing down your victories...
I too tried to "help" with everyone's relationships with each other until I finally heard the message that if I got out of the way, everyone would have to work on their relationships with each other. They also had to decide what kind of relationships they even wanted...IF they even wanted one at all.
Your doing GREAT!
I too tried to "help" with everyone's relationships with each other until I finally heard the message that if I got out of the way, everyone would have to work on their relationships with each other. They also had to decide what kind of relationships they even wanted...IF they even wanted one at all.
Your doing GREAT!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Lyn
I think you are doing great too and just wanted to add my "hurrah!!!" It takes time and practice, but i think you have the nag of it just fine.
And ****{Daffodil}}} - it's so good to see you again.
I think you are doing great too and just wanted to add my "hurrah!!!" It takes time and practice, but i think you have the nag of it just fine.
And ****{Daffodil}}} - it's so good to see you again.
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Anns: it is so good to be back..Thank you for the welcome. I've been here reading several times but always got side tracked...
My beloved spouse has been home for 1 month, 1 week, and 1 day on vacation. (who counting) If this is a hint as to what retirement is going to be like...I need to look for a job as a greeter a Wally World...I'd love to wipe down carts and put stickers on the lit ones hands...LOL...
God's blessings to all of you...
Love and prayers,
My beloved spouse has been home for 1 month, 1 week, and 1 day on vacation. (who counting) If this is a hint as to what retirement is going to be like...I need to look for a job as a greeter a Wally World...I'd love to wipe down carts and put stickers on the lit ones hands...LOL...
God's blessings to all of you...
Love and prayers,
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