my mother-in-law needs serious HELP!!!
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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my mother-in-law needs serious HELP!!!
hi, i am new here looking for advice. my mother-in-law has been an alcoholic for many years, but only in the last couple years since she got a divorce has it gotten really, really bad. she is also very depressed and has bipolar I disorder. the depression and alcoholism feed off each other, and every time she gets drunk she talks about how she wants to die. she attempted suicide about a year ago, and that's when we realized the severity of her problems. she had kept it hidden very well from us. she voluntarily went into treatment for 30 days after her suicide attempt, but only stayed sober for about a month.
we live about 2 hours from her, and unfortunately we don't get to see her much. she is very lonely, as she doesn't talk to much of her family anymore. she has 2 sons, and of the two of them my husband is really the only one who talks to her. and he has almost given up on their relationship. i feel so bad for this woman.
after many, many second chances, she has finally lost her job. she missed too many days. so now she is on another drinking binge, i think it has been a week now. we don't know what to do. she doesn't want to go to rehab, because she doesn't think it will help, and she says she can't afford it. she says there's nothing they can say or do for her that she hasn't already heard or tried!
her friends and family have all tried to intervene on more than one occassion, and we all learned our lesson. it does no good to "rescue" her. i understand that is true with all alcoholics. they have to WANT to get better, interfering is just postponing it.
so, what can we do? just sit by and wait for her to drink herself to death or commit suicide? i feel so helpless. she is in really bad shape. she ruptured her esophogus from throwing up so much. she hasn't eaten in days, and when she runs out of alcohol she just goes out and drives drunk to get more.
any suggestions?
we talked about an intervention but no one seems to think it would do any good.
thank you so much for reading and for any responses!
we live about 2 hours from her, and unfortunately we don't get to see her much. she is very lonely, as she doesn't talk to much of her family anymore. she has 2 sons, and of the two of them my husband is really the only one who talks to her. and he has almost given up on their relationship. i feel so bad for this woman.
after many, many second chances, she has finally lost her job. she missed too many days. so now she is on another drinking binge, i think it has been a week now. we don't know what to do. she doesn't want to go to rehab, because she doesn't think it will help, and she says she can't afford it. she says there's nothing they can say or do for her that she hasn't already heard or tried!
her friends and family have all tried to intervene on more than one occassion, and we all learned our lesson. it does no good to "rescue" her. i understand that is true with all alcoholics. they have to WANT to get better, interfering is just postponing it.
so, what can we do? just sit by and wait for her to drink herself to death or commit suicide? i feel so helpless. she is in really bad shape. she ruptured her esophogus from throwing up so much. she hasn't eaten in days, and when she runs out of alcohol she just goes out and drives drunk to get more.
any suggestions?
we talked about an intervention but no one seems to think it would do any good.
thank you so much for reading and for any responses!
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by newby22211 
we talked about an intervention but no one seems to think it would do any good.
It only does any good when the person wants it but you don't know if they want it till after you try.
The thing about intervention... if "you" feel the need, it isn't so much something that you would do for her but something you feel you need do for you. The end result could be that she goes right back to where she left off or it could be that she starts to see what is what.
Depression, bipolar, and alcohol will feed off of each other. When she starts seeking solutions for one, she will start finding solutions for the others.
Stopping the alcohol intake is only a part of an intervention in my opinion. She would need seek out a Dr to help her deal with the depression and bipolar issues.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
Welcome to SR newby22211. Glad to have you with us.
I'm sorry for all of the pain you and your family must be going through. Addiction is hard on everyone involved.
I don't have any experience with someone with bipolar on top of addiction, so I don't have any wisdom to share.
It's good that you have some understanding of rescuing vs. not rescuing. It's still hard though.
Have you and your family tried going to Alanon meetings for yourselves? Many people here go and believe it has helped them in dealing with a loved one's addictions.
Beyond that, read the threads here and in the stickies at the top of the forum. At least you'll know that you're amongst others that have gone through similiar ordeals, what worked for them, and, that you are not alone.
Keep coming back. I'm sure others will be along shortly to welcome you.
I'm sorry for all of the pain you and your family must be going through. Addiction is hard on everyone involved.
I don't have any experience with someone with bipolar on top of addiction, so I don't have any wisdom to share.
It's good that you have some understanding of rescuing vs. not rescuing. It's still hard though.
Have you and your family tried going to Alanon meetings for yourselves? Many people here go and believe it has helped them in dealing with a loved one's addictions.
Beyond that, read the threads here and in the stickies at the top of the forum. At least you'll know that you're amongst others that have gone through similiar ordeals, what worked for them, and, that you are not alone.
Keep coming back. I'm sure others will be along shortly to welcome you.
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