Call from a concerned friend of AW
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
Posts: 239
Call from a concerned friend of AW
I received a call a few minutes ago from a friend/workmate of my AW that says she has never seen her so down and that she knows she has lost everything after her DUI. She wants me to call her and make sure she's okay. AW is hysterical crying etc.....I don't know if she is a danger to herself? My gut tells me not to call her but I don't want anything bad to happen either.
Suggestions?
Suggestions?
Let Go Let God
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
Thats a tough one . I've been in the situation before . I didnt call .
Twice while I was talking to my ah on the phone, he was threatening to kill himself . When we hung up I called the police and they went to do a well check and took him to the hospital where he stayed for about 5 days each time .
I would only call if she were threatening suicide . That might sound harsh but I see no reason to keep jumping in . The only thing we end up doing is keeping them from hitting their bottom . She is exactly where she needs to be right now , she has to learn to crawl outta the ditch by herself . Thats just MHO.
Lots of luck to you ! (())s
Twice while I was talking to my ah on the phone, he was threatening to kill himself . When we hung up I called the police and they went to do a well check and took him to the hospital where he stayed for about 5 days each time .
I would only call if she were threatening suicide . That might sound harsh but I see no reason to keep jumping in . The only thing we end up doing is keeping them from hitting their bottom . She is exactly where she needs to be right now , she has to learn to crawl outta the ditch by herself . Thats just MHO.
Lots of luck to you ! (())s
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Wow, you must be pretty powerful if one phone call from you will
-stop her from being hysterical
-stop her from being a danger to herself
-stop anything bad from happening to her
-make her okay
I wish I had that kind of power.
L
-stop her from being hysterical
-stop her from being a danger to herself
-stop anything bad from happening to her
-make her okay
I wish I had that kind of power.
L
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Every time I embarked on a rescue mission for Richard, the only person who ultimately needed to be rescued was me. Your wife will seek the appropriate kind of help when she's ready to receive it. Help from codependent partners is rarely what addicts need, appreciate, or find helpful.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
If the friend is so concerned and worried, the friend can choose to check on your AW.
Its not easy maing the choices to stand by the limits we set for our behavior. It becomes a question of what would a call from you do for you? Drag you back into the drama and cuase you pain I'm sure. Anything more than that? Well, I have my doubts.
Its not easy maing the choices to stand by the limits we set for our behavior. It becomes a question of what would a call from you do for you? Drag you back into the drama and cuase you pain I'm sure. Anything more than that? Well, I have my doubts.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
"Every time I embarked on a rescue mission for Richard, the only person who ultimately needed to be rescued was me. Your wife will seek the appropriate kind of help when she's ready to receive it."
I could not have said it better. Could it be that "cries for help" can also be part of the A's game to control us?
I could not have said it better. Could it be that "cries for help" can also be part of the A's game to control us?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lost in NC
Posts: 416
She is suppose to feel bad!
That's the whole idea of hitting bottom. It has got to hurt enough to make her want to stop drinking and change her behavior. Let her hit the rocks hard.... It may save her life!! You also have to be prepared to accept the fact that she might not stop and may even die from her addiction.
You take care of you and your kids. Only time will tell if she will beat the addiction.
That's the whole idea of hitting bottom. It has got to hurt enough to make her want to stop drinking and change her behavior. Let her hit the rocks hard.... It may save her life!! You also have to be prepared to accept the fact that she might not stop and may even die from her addiction.
You take care of you and your kids. Only time will tell if she will beat the addiction.
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Friends who have not walked in your shoes have nothing to offer as far as advice, understanding or council. Not that they aren't genuinely trying to help ... it's just that they don't get it. I found it frustrating to confide in others who looked at me like I had two heads.
paste from http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hlight=10+ways
2) Don’t rescue the alcoholic or addict. Let them experience the full consequence of there disease.
Unfortunately, it is extremely rare for anyone to be “loved” into recovery. Recovering people experience a “hitting bottom.” This implies an accumulation of negative consequences related to drinking or drug use which provides the necessary motivation and inspiration to initiate a recovery effort. It has been said that “truth” and “consequences” are the foundations of insight and this holds true for addiction. Rescuing addicted persons from there consequences only ensures that more consequences must occur before the need for recovery is realized.
paste from http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hlight=10+ways
2) Don’t rescue the alcoholic or addict. Let them experience the full consequence of there disease.
Unfortunately, it is extremely rare for anyone to be “loved” into recovery. Recovering people experience a “hitting bottom.” This implies an accumulation of negative consequences related to drinking or drug use which provides the necessary motivation and inspiration to initiate a recovery effort. It has been said that “truth” and “consequences” are the foundations of insight and this holds true for addiction. Rescuing addicted persons from there consequences only ensures that more consequences must occur before the need for recovery is realized.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
"Don’t rescue the alcoholic or addict. Let them experience the full consequence of there disease. Unfortunately, it is extremely rare for anyone to be “loved” into recovery."
TRUST ME, this is what I tried to do from 12/06 to 8/07 with my XABF. IT DID NOT WORK. All that happened was that I woke up one day saying "Wait! I'm handling all the money matters, making sure his houseboat is in working order and clean, and making sure he stays clean & groomed!" You know what he did? When I laid down the law about the drinking he disappeared without a trace and took up with a woman who WON'T tell him about his drinking.
I know that "rock bottom" is sometimes death, and that really makes me sad, especially when I think my XABF is definitely insane or irreversibly brain damaged or both. In the case of an insane person, do you still let them hit rock bottom or have them committed?
TRUST ME, this is what I tried to do from 12/06 to 8/07 with my XABF. IT DID NOT WORK. All that happened was that I woke up one day saying "Wait! I'm handling all the money matters, making sure his houseboat is in working order and clean, and making sure he stays clean & groomed!" You know what he did? When I laid down the law about the drinking he disappeared without a trace and took up with a woman who WON'T tell him about his drinking.
I know that "rock bottom" is sometimes death, and that really makes me sad, especially when I think my XABF is definitely insane or irreversibly brain damaged or both. In the case of an insane person, do you still let them hit rock bottom or have them committed?
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