young2010

I have a question being new at this and am looking for some guidance. Recently my girlfriend's father called her out as an alcoholic and she went to detox and is in an out patient service now. I support her in the fact that before when she was drinking I got the brunt of her fury when it came to her drinking. I became her wipping boy and for someone like myself it took all I had not to walk away. Now she has hit the ground running with her program and I support her doing so. I do not drink in front of her nor do I have alcohol in our place. Is it wrong then for me to want to go have a beer every once in a while with my friends? Am I not supporting her by doing this? We live in an area that doesnt really support her new change of life. Lake side condo were all the neighbors are partying every weekend. I have also noticed a change in behavior since her sobriety, one that I'm used to seeing only when she drank. I'ts kind of hard to explain but she somehow thinks that I'm inferior to her now and that pisses me off! Has anyone else out there felt like a stranger to their significant other after coming out and seeking treatment? And has anyone else wrestled with the fact that their life now has to change?

Thanks,
Dave

Astro

Hi Dave,

Keep reading the posts here and you'll hear many experiences similar to your own, you're definitely not alone in this.

Being an alcoholic in recovery, I believe that I need to adapt to life on life's terms, rather than my terms. If it makes me uncomfortable to be around people who are drinking, I can deal with it or leave rather than expecting the rest of the world to conform to my needs. It sounds to me like you're doing a great job of supporting her recovery, hopefully she'll understand and accept your need for time away with your friends. Keeping our individuality is a healthy aspect of any relationship.

Yes, our behavior does change when we achieve sobriety. That's sorta the point of recovery for me, to work on my sick behavior. In some cases we do become starngers to the people who love us, and sometimes we even find that we're not as attracted to each other as we once were. The person we fell in love with is no longer there, and maybe what attracted us in the first place was our addictions.

Prayers and best wishes for your relationship, I look forward to hearing more from you here.

Scott

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, dave. my daughter is an alcoholic and we don't drink around her or have alcohol in our house - it's just one way we feel we can help support recovery.

others have different thoughts on this, so i'm sure they'll be along.

meanwhile - are you going to alanon? it really helps my husband and i.

blessings, k

embraced2000

run, don't walk to the nearest al-anon......they will help you to focus on yourself and learn to live with your g/f sobriety by taking care of yourself.

it's a disease that affects others, too. and you have been affected. al-anon is the place to be. jmho

Zoey

No one can make us feel inferior, perhaps she talks program, and you know she is learning different things, makes us feel left out or left behind.

Going to Al-Anon will give you insight,then you will both be learning.
Also read the AA big book. Try going to some open AA meetings.

All suggestions, take what you can use and leave the rest.

Al-Anon and AA are great in my opinion.

At the top here where you started your thread there are sticky's , look under "Classical Reading" the book "Under the Influence" is very good to understand alcoholism. Site to find BB on line is there too.

Don't work each others programs. Such as don't remind her of meetings, or tell her how to do it, no matter what you learn. Again just suggestions, just my opinions.
We all work at our own pace.

Zoey

You can find excerpts from "Under the Influence" if you go to Alcholism here on SR, go to sticky's and it is there.

Zoey

Here is site or link,
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Also now under stickies here at top under recovery