irelandx7

Gosh, this brings back memories. I thought for so long that being depressed was just the way I was. Took me 2 1/2 years to realize that NO, it wasn't me. Notice my signature "Don't Suffer in Silence." Gosh, it's so true.

Oh, how I wish I could have nothing running through my brain sometimes! LOL My mind races with too much crapola, it keeps me up at night!

It's good that your thought processes seem to be changing -- it seems to be making subtle changes already!

hbb

Oh trust me when i say that my mind for 2 solid months when we broke up raced EVERY single second of the day to the point where i could not focus on one single thing. Oh and the stories i created in my head of his white picket fence life!! Please, i should know better than that!! The racing of the mind was worse than the crying for me, i felt like i was seriously going crazy. Not to say i won't have bouts of that again, as i know i will at the next turn of events of news that comes my way but for now i'm riding this cloud!!

Live

It's still really soon, Heather, it has gotten better and soon out of the blue, it will a non-issue, just something that happened.

CE Girl

hbb,,my friend, there was only ONE time in my life I ever went on meds!!! I'm a simple native hippie chick, believing in more "holistic' approaches. but there was one point in my life, I NEEDED prozac,,,,

took it for 3 months, got over the "hump" and weened off of it. It was THEN that I began to deal with the issues.

i just want ot say, Girl, you have come so far. your doing good and each of the levels your expereinceing are happening when its right for you. corny but true, "progress not perfection". Sometimes it helps to know, an "outsider" can see your progress more clearly.

(((((((hbb))))))

Peace

hbb

Live and CE, thanks so much Ce, you made me tear up!! See i think it's still kinda soon but last night my roommate (whom has never had a boyfriend ever at 26) said that i need to get over it now because it's been since June. And i told her that if she had never been in love that she didn't know what it was like to still hang onto that love, and it doesn't go away over night. And really things ended in July officially, June i still felt hope. She just p!ssed me off because she's so frank and "realistic" all the time....i took that with a grain of salt and moved on!!

hmbld

You totally don't want that! I've felt numb before, but the wellbutrin truly makes you feel "nothing". Quite scary really. You don't realize how important your emotions are to you until the quite literally don't exist. It's a really hard thing to describe, it's different then the numbness and the burying of feelings.

But I can totally understand not wanting to feel anything, especially when the vast majority of those feelings are of pain.

Wascally Wabbit

I can remember the point at which I no longer cared. At this point it seemed theat nothing mattered any more. I was numb all over.

This was preceded by years of allowing the addiction to affect me in so many negative ways. It all got to be too much. I had suffered so long, and one day I just couldn't suffer any more. It was like I spent every last penny in my suffering account.

It was a relief to me. I also thing it way my minds way of protecting me from going totally insane.

hbb

I'm only two weeks into the Wellbutrin but i tell you i do cry less and snap and get angry less these few days. I'd normally bawl at the drop of a dime and flip out on the drop of a dime....i just kinda feel plain. But you know what else, maybe that's a good thing as it's been FOREVER that i haven't felt depressed, like 10 years, i thought about my weight constantly, being single, no kids......maybe I'm starting to actually like Heather, is that a possibility? Because i've never really felt what it was like to look in the mirror and say "i'm not that bad" but since the 25 lbs. i just recently lost, im feeling better. I can't blame the meds just yet i don't think

irelandx7

Of course it is. You've been in there all along, it's just the depression that has been a dark cloud over your head for so long. Now the clouds are lifting, and it's like a sunshiny day, isn't it. It's absolutely wonderful. Makes you wonder why you waited so long. I lost 2 1/2 years being in a funk, NEVER AGAIN because I can't get those years back.

It's a brand new day, enjoy it!

hbb

It's actually amazing how and incident like me and my ex breaking up motivate me to better me for once. In 2 months i've changed alot and grasped for help that i was too scared to do before. I do feel good today, and hopefully the days will get better

woobie

What still amazes me about this program is that these feelings I have, I am not alone! I also feel nothing, currently I am not any type of meds but I am thinking about getting on something. My AH never liked upseting emotions, would yell at the kids when they cried....so now my youngest does not cry. I have learned the only way he would listen to me during an argument or discussion was if I was dry eyed and calm. Now I don't feel anything, when a situation comes up where I know there should be some emotion (this is sad) I pretend, even though I am dying inside, my exterior is very stoic. Since AH is out of the house (TPO), I have noticed that if I am watching something funny on tv and I am laughing hard I go into this crying jag which I can't stop. Once I do stop I feel relief. AH has been out of the house for a month with no contact, and I feel like a piece of me is gone. This lonelienss I am expericing is sort of scarey and i find myself going back to old habits of obsessive behaviors of trying to find out what HE DID in the past or wondering how he is now and whether he is doing well. I have to stop this it is driving me nuts! I think I miss him (we have been together for 28yrs), so I am filling this gap in my life with negative actions that concern him. I read my al-anon books and try to focus on ME. I hope this passes soon because I feel no motivation to do the things I need to do.