irelandx7

My first Alanon meeting is tomorrow. I know deep in my heart it's the right place to go, the right thing to do.

But I'm scared. For what? To get help? No. To face up to the fact that there is a problem and that I need to help myself? Most definitely.

I know that I can't go on living like this, yet I'm still scared. Why, why, why. I want to do everything I can do make things better for myself and my children. But why the fear? Is that part of recovery?

For those that have been to Alanon, or are currently going, did you experience this type of hesitation and fear?

Barbara52

Making changes in one's life is often scary simply because it involves examining yourself, admitting to possibly negative things about yourself, taking steps for which you have no idea what the outcome will be, all sort of other things.

Going to an AlAnon meeting is yet another step in fully admitting what the realities in your life are. That's not a pleasant process when we are dealing with life with an addict and involves examing our own lives and choice. I know for me it meant examining why I allowed myself to be used by my AH and why I allowed myself to live in a manner I found to be intolerable for so long. It hurts to grow a lot of the time.

Don't let the normal fears and reluctance hold you back. It will be worth it in the long run.

denny57

Yes, for exactly the reason you state. When I sat in my first meeting I admitted for the first time I was married to "an alcoholic." Everything got better after that.

((()))

theotherone

I always fear the unknown. I was uncomfortable going to my first meeting, but I'm glad I did. It's a step that you will feel stronger about after you take it. Just remember...you are in control of this one...you make all the decisions regarding you. I can say from personal experience, that you will be more at ease and appreciate yourself more for taking this step. You are not alone and there are more people than you think that want to help you move forward.

P.S. I'll only share this with you...I sat in my car in the parking lot and did not go in more than one time. Looking back, that was a couple of the silliest decisions I ever made!

sunshine321

I was afraid of what I might find there. I was afraid that I'd feel like an outsider. I was afraid that others would judge me.

None of my fears had validity. Everyone was accepting and helpful. I'm grateful for the program. I am changing a little each day.

There is nothing wrong with fear as long as you don't let it to paralize you. To borrow a quote, "Feel the fear and do it anyway."

Jenny

Rella927

I sat in the parking lot and then left drove around and then went back and watched people walk in-I was in fear that I was going to sit in a room with a bunch of people and they were going to come down on me like my counselor does/did! I could not handle a bunch of them attacking me! (Codie) I knew there was something wrong with me but I wanted a quick fix! Ha Ha right!

Hmmmmm how many years later...and I'm still a work in progress but walking in that room was the start as Denny stated and it "all started to get better after that!"

Close your eyes before you get out of your car and surround yourself with white light! It works

queenteree

I am glad you posted this today cause I have been thinking about how I felt about Alanon two years ago, compared to today. Two years ago, when I "thought" I was at my lowest point with my AH, I went to an Alanon meeting. I was scared to walk in cause I didn't know what to expect, and given that I am shy, that didn't help matters any. I also was afraid I wouldn't fit in. Anyway, I went in. Sat thru the meeting, which did absolutely NOTHING for me. I actually felt I didn't fit in cause all I saw were people who didn't seem happy, were reading from this little book, spoke for 3 minutes, a couple more shares, and that was it. Kept telling me, keep coming back. I went back for a few more meetings to different places. Got the same feeling - how can these people and this little blue book (ODAAT) help me. I honestly thought they were a little nuts, all this reading, sharing, no feedback, how stupid. Anyway, I have been going for a few months now (since my AH started his program), and especially since my AH's relapse last week (I have gone to a meeting every single night!), and I tell you, the difference it has made in my life!!! I am forever grateful to Alanon. Please don't be afraid, put one foot in front of the other, walk thru that door, take what you want and leave the rest and watch the change and growth in you. You won't be sorry you did.
Terri

hbb

I was afraid and cried just pulling into the driveway but you know what, it was the best thing I ever did for myself. Just knowing that there were others hurting, crying and i wasn't the only one in need of help. I bet if you give it a shot you will find that you will definately help others I never thought i would but i remember this woman came in and she was exactly where i was a month ago....give it a chance, i believe you will feel comfortable

lillamy

I didn't want to admit that I was married to an alcoholic because that meant that I was an idiot, because only an idiot would marry an alcoholic.

I was TERRIFIED. Terrified, I tell you. I didn't know what to expect. I went to my first meeting and was SO set on it not being "for me" that I came out of there thinking that, too. It took quite a few meetings for me to relax and realize I was right where I belonged. And that I was no more an idiot than anyone else.