WhatAboutME

This Sunday will mark my 7 year anniversary with my AH. Ironically, I will be on vacation with friends, having a good time. Yes, I am still married. No, I have not initiated divorce proceedings, and part of that has to do with my own ongoing issues of guilt - The whole "kicking him while he's down" feeling, though that is beginning to subside with time. Some of the reason I am dragging my feet is purely financial - I will be the one paying for an attorney/mediator and associated court costs. My AH is out of jail on bond now. He started drinking w/in 48 hours of being released. He has driven drunk several times since being released. Unbelievable. I truly believe that he has completely given up. It is sad, and I am somewhat at peace with his downfall. I have done my best to support him, and God knows I have tried to "fix" him. About 6 months ago, thanks to this site and the beyond wise members here, I realized that it was time to fix ME. And that's what I have been busy doing. I have been working hard, and making more money! I have been spending quality time by myself and with friends. I am beginning to like myself again and have hope for the future. And wouldn't you know it, when you change your attitude and actually smile, people notice. I have had several men ask me out! No, I haven't gone out on any dates, but I will...someday. I am happy. To everyone here who feels hopeless, trapped and completely at a loss...there is hope. It's taken going to hell and back during the past 5 years since my AH's relapse to realize that I deserve better, and to be happy. And I will. Thanks to everyone here! xoxo Michelle

LaTeeDa

You are awesome and amazing! I remember when I first started to smile again, and people noticing. It's like turning from a caterpillar into a butterfly.

Don't worry about the filing. Do some research and figure out the best way to proceed. Nolo Press has some great books on doing it yourself if you want to save some $$$$. I am doing my own and hiring an attorney to draft the settlement agreement rather than retain one for the whole case. This strategy will save me thousands of dollars. But, it only works because we already agree on everything. If you don't agree, it might be better to retain an attorney.

But, I digress. You will do what you need to do when the time is right for you to do it. In the meantime--keep taking care of yourself and enjoying your new life. You deserve it!

L

MsGolightly

so glad to hear you're happy!!

BrokenWife

I admire your strength! I have only been married 3 months and I hope I can make it to 7 years with my AH. Only I hope in those 7 years I don't have to go through as much as you. I too am scared to leave as I have the same feeling of "kicking him when he is down" feeling. Sometimes I feel the financial suffering would be better than the emotional suffering though. I hope you continue to find strength within yourself and that you will someday be able to walk away and feel complete peace. I pray that oneday your hard work and suffering will pay off. Good Luck and God Bless!

Mr. Christian

It’s good that you are feeling better.
I do believe though that you and others must remember on important fact.

Guilt is for those who have done something wrong.
Taking care of your self and getting out of a bad situation is never wrong.

Keep moving forward.

ICU

Ahhh, yes, that tell-tale smile. That was my first clue or outside confirmation that I was headed in the right direction. People would notice me smiling. Was even asked what my secret was for being 'so happy all of the time'....obviously they haven't read all of my posts that certainly revealed some darker moments here at SR, LOL!

I am so happy for your wonderful progress WhatAboutMe! It sounds like you have taken your 'user name' here very seriously. Good for you!!

Not to worry, when the time is right, and you are ready, you will find a way to handle the remaining 'details'.

CBrown

Congratulations on smiling! And keep it up! I love your name "What About Me?" In my last phone conversation I kept saying to my XABF "what about us? what about us? us? us?!?!?" Then he hung up. Well, now I'm with YOU. It's about ME!

Good for you!

keepingmyjoy

Wow...good for you! Thanks for giving us hope!

denny57

Sounds good, WAM, glad you checked in. ((()))

Rella927

WhatAboutMe so happy that you are HAPPY! That is a wonderful feeling!!

I love what Mr. C says above about GUILT! It is an important fact to live by.....

Enjoy that VACATION!!!!