papatuv

Hi, I'm new here and have started the process of reading everything I can get my hands on. I think my W is becoming an alcoholic. Although she does not drink every day, when she does drink, lately she gets plastered. Sometimes she does not come home, the stories are that she stayed at one of her friends or she "fell asleep" (passed out IMO) in the car somewhere. Last night she came home, but passed out in the car, in the driveway with it running for 3 hours! I found one of our kids sippy cups in the console full of booze, along with two bottles on the floorboard with a gallon of milk( almost gone). This is not the first time she has had bottles in the car. Her argument is that she can buy a bottle from the Liquour store and save money when she goes out to sing Karaoke instead of buying at the bar( she goes out to her car and drinks in the bar P. lot) . I have seen her in what my opinon is drunk, (at the very least least legally drunk) she fights me tooth and nail insisting she is not drunk. Only a few times has she admitted she is drunk. I know she is depressed, this has been an ongoing problem for many years, only now she has turned to booze. I dont know what I should do or how to begin here. Is this just a fluke ? Or does this sound like the road to destruction.

ICU

Welcome to SR Papatuv. Glad you found us.

It's good that you are trying to educate yourself on the potential of your W being an alcoholic.

Might I suggest that while she is out AHEM....'not getting drunk,' that you hook yourself up with some Alanon meetings. There you will find many folks you have been through or are still going through some of the things that you have described. Alanon is to help you learn to keep the focus on yourself. It is not about 'curing' the A.

Read as much as you can here, and the stickies at the top of this forum have loads of useful information as well.

Keep coming back.

CE Girl

Hi papatuv,,,welcome to SR,,,,

I "stumbled" onto this website not too long ago, while searching desperately to explain the actions of the A in my life.

What I found was a WEALTH of information and a "new" concept. Taking care of ME!! Go Figure,,,,!!! he,he,he

I started by READING!! Oh brother, I couldn't get enough. Start with the sticky's at the top of the page.

Others will be along with far more wisdom than I, but I will leave you with what "stuck" with me my first time here:

You did not cause it
You can not control it
You can not cure it,,,

Keep posting,,

Peace

Barbara52

One of the first things I learned in here was that if alcohol is causing problems in a relationship then there is an alcohol problem. Whether your wife is alcoholic or not, her drinking is apparently causing you problems.

Read like the others have said and consider AlAnon. Geeting yourself informed is the best first step to figuring out what you need to do for yourself.

ICU

Good point!

cmc

Papatuv,
Welcome to SR.
I found the answers I was looking for at Alanon. Remember that this forum is for YOU. It doesn't really matter how drunk she is or how often she drinks- she has a serious problem with alcohol, because her behavior is out of control and dangerous. Alcoholism is a progressive disease.

It sounds like you could use some face to face support as well as coming here- I hope you will try Alanon. You've come to the right place for help, there is alot of information here plus many who will share their experience with you.

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, papatuv. alanon really helps me too. keep posting, k

(if she's drinking and driving, do what you can to keep yourself and children protected from it, ok?)

denny57

welcome, papatuv, glad you're here!

Please read all you can, keep posting, try Al-Anon.

You are not alone.

steve11694

The story of your wife echoes that of my wife. The drunkenness, angry response to trying to talk about it/alcohol. Arriving home the wee hours. Alcohol in the car and or cigarettes. Mine also was somewhat of a binge drinker. They don't need to drink every day but when they do they get plastered.

I am very sorry for what your family is going through. Many have recovered from addiction but you don't know which ones will and which ones will not. Study postings in this forum and you can gain a great deal of understanding.

Try not to depend reason/logic with her as alcohol can remove her ability to understand.

PaperDolls

It sounds like a road to destruction to me.
I know when I was drunk, if you asked me, I'd tell you I wasn't.
If I would have said I was drunk then.....well I don't know.....but
I always said I wasn't drunk. No matter what.

You've got some good advice here. I'm glad you found SR.

ladyjane

Welcome papatuv, good advice ahead of me.
_____________
trish

hbb

Welcome! Al Anon, counseling and this site have saved me keep reading and posting. Everyone here is great and very helpful and it's good that you have not ignored her signs and drinking patterns.

WantsOut

If I had it all to do over again I;d have called the cops on my ex and gotten him arrested for DWI years and years ago.

The two addicts I;ve been close to in my life only got clean when they got into the clutches of the law. I used to think that people never got better if they were forced to. I was wrong. The threat of jail causes many to change their tune. And what's better - to deal with an arrest now, or to deal with her killing someone and taking the whole family down with her later?

Food for thought.

Welcome ...

Rella927

Welcome Papatuv! Glad you found us @ SR! Keep posting and reading! Absorbing is the key! Al-Anon is something to consider too-

I know when I tried to talk to XABF it was like talking to a brick wall...and by the time I was done (talking to myself that is) I felt like I had bashed my head against that brick wall 1000 times!

Not worth the energy! I have much better things to spend my energy on!

Welcome again!

LaTeeDa

I so wanted to believe that things would just get better. I mean, how could my husband not see what he was doing to himself and our family? Surely if things got bad enough he would come to his senses and stop it, right?

If I had it to do all over again, I would have taken action much, much sooner. I would rather overestimate the severity of the situation than underestimate it. It got much worse than I ever would have believed.

L

GiveLove

Amen to that. Hugs to you, papatuv

GL

sam79

My b/f has been arrested about 4 times in the past few months and next time it will be a huge fine or possible court appearence and i can tell you it hasnt stopped him getting plastered most weekends.
He just seems like he doesnt care. So dont bank on the police to make someone realise what they are doing cos it doesnt always work. I have first hand experience with this one!

goldenleaves

Hi Papatuv! Just wanted to say welcome and glad you are here.

steve11694

True. The so called "hitting bottom" is not the same for everyone. I know someone that did achieve sobriety only after being arrested. I know of others that couldn't care less about being arrested. Some have sobered up in prison. One common thing many recovered alcoholics tell me is that while they were drinking, they didn't care about much else other then themselves. Self centered, selfish, numb behavior. Many have said it is akin to demonic possession.
I have heard of instances where hitting bottom was something family members would never have thought to be negative enough.

That concludes my first lecture in Alcoholism and Enabling 101. Freshman level.

keepingmyjoy

papa...I'm new here too. Best thing I did was come here! Welcome!