Siouxz2

...the love affair between the alcoholic and booze. Mom is end-stage, minimally able to care for herself. She wound up with some type of respiratory virus and was so sick that all she could do was sleep day & night, get up to the bathroom, and drink.

She was so weak that she fell a few nights ago. Too sick to get up & eat so she has had nothing to eat for a couple days.

But she could still drink! She would take a few swigs whenever she woke up & then go back to sleep. Out of curiousity, I asked how she was getting her booze, as she was too sick to ride in her scooter. Check it out--she arranged for a taxi to go pick it up & deliver it to her home!!!

This from a woman who has an ammonia level of 155 and can barely put together a coherent sentence.

A's are truly amazing people LOL!!! BTW, this is the first "crisis" that I've been practicing detachment and it's wonderful!!! I started to go back to my old ways yesterday, but today I'm back on track, thanks to all of you on this site.

sunshine321

She probably needs at this point to keep her stablized. She would need to detox in order to feel semi-normal. I think physically she needs to drink. But I hear what you are saying. It's something I'll never understand either. Good for you staying on track. I'm trying to work detachment too and it's so hard not to falter.

Jenny

ladyjane

Good for you Siouxz2!!! yep, our a's can definately take care of their addictions when they can't take care of anything else. Just think of what they could acheive, if they put that singlemindedness into something constructive.
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Trish

GlassPrisoner

Love Affair ?

Contrary to popular belief, we're NOT having fun. End stage is a living hell.

Bingo.

Siouxz2

Sorry, Glass. Poor choice of words. I know it's not fun--I've been her dutiful little codie daughter for over two decades now.

GlassPrisoner

And I'm sorry for not being more empathetic. It's gotta be rough being on the other side too....

queenteree

My mom was an alcoholic also. She had heart attacks for almost a week straight, and you know what, she knew something was wrong so she had to take her medicine (vodka). After the final heart attack and while waiting for me and the ambulence to get there, you know what she did (even though she couldn't breath at all) she managed to do a few shots of vodka. She was taken to the hospital, had heart surgery and came out of it alive, where all she could talk about was when she gets home and has her cigarettes and vodka. When my sister told her she would not be allowed to smoke or drink alcohol after having an artificial valve put in, my poor mom went downhill, her liver failed and she died within a month. I guess giving that up was too much for her. It's such a shame.

parentrecovers

prayers to you and your mom, k

applecider

wow, that is amazing. its crazy what one will do for booze

CatsPajamas

My mom is the same way, but her obsession is cigarettes. She's on oxygen 24 hours a day and is very limited in terms of activity etc. She still smokes. She told me once she'd rather die than not be able to smoke anymore.

She's going to get her wish, and it's really really sad.

Hugs and love from daughter to daughter. I really do understand.

Cats

steve11694

agree with sunshine. her body has an automatic physiologic need for alcohol. Without alcohol, believe it or not she would suffer more as alcohol withdrawal is very serious and can kill a person.

I know there are no words to adequately express my sympathy for you and your mom. Miracles DO occur.

Siouxz2

*****UPDATE*****

Well, I knew this was coming, but she's headed into another downward spiral. She fell twice in a week (most recently last night) and now her left arm is not functioning well. The worse she gets, the more I call and obsess.

I was doing so well, calling once every day or two just to say hi and not discuss her addiction--just a friendly short chat. Now I'm sliding right back into full-blown codie behavior.

I guess the good thing is that this time I recognize it for what it is, but still....

I'm going to ask a question, and I hope nobody thinks I'm a callous, selfish person--is it totally evil to wish for all this to be over? The mother I love is already dead to me--I have been grieving the loss for years. I'm sick of watching her life being sucked from her, step by step. Even by some miracle should she get sober, the damage to her liver, heart, and brain is quite advanced and she will never be able to take care of herself again.

Sorry for the rambling post, but I'm not doing well today and needed to reach out for some wisdom.

denny57

(((siouxz2)))

No, it is not evil. I understand. What has helped me is exactly what you are doing - reaching out for understanding and support. Be gentle with yourself.

Siouxz2

Thanx, denny. I'll try to be gentle with myself as you suggested, but you know nobody can beat themselves over the head better than a codie LOL.

My oldest son & his lovely wife (we just found out she's pregnant with my first grandbaby!) and my middle son have come to visit this weekend. I'm going to make a conscious effort to put her crap out of my head and enjoy my family. THIS is real life--I need to start living it before I miss it all.

Barbara52

No, its not callous or selfish. It human!

Although somewhat different, my mother has advanced dementia of some sort, whether from her lifetime of drinking or Alzheimers or something else. She has no idea who I am, who anyone is really. For now, she's happy as a clam, very child-like, living with my brother and his family and thinking she lives with some nice strangers. My wish for her is that God bring her home before she deteriorates much further. Its really a wish to spare her further suffering from the other health problems she has and not wanting her to slide over into the possible late stage problems that will result in the need to place her in a nursing home.

wister

Siouxz it is so normal to feel this way. I have been there...one moment praying that the A will get home safe and the next moment asking my high power to make this all end quickly. I think a similar reaction to what you are experiencing.

Enjoy you time with your sons and daughter in law!