Originally Posted by prodigal

Greetings, anxious - glad you're here with us. I'm glad you stopped with the pot. You need a clear mind and you gotta feel the pain. It can be the catalyst that gets you moving to healthier ground.

I will share a bit of my ESH with you. I am leaving my AH. I have no job. I am two courses shy of my bachelor's degree. I live in a dead-end little town in the middle of nowhere - jobs are as scarce as hen's teeth. I was born, raised, and lived in the greater Baltimore-Washington, D.C. metro area my entire life until two year's ago when AH moved us to a remote are of far southwest Arizona. (He pulled a "geographic" in order to protect his beloved addiction.)

With the approximately $2,300 I have to my name, by the grace of my God, I AM going to walk out of this nuthouse. If I live in a refrigerator box by the side of a road with my two cats, fine. See, when the pain of staying far exceeded the pain and consequences of leaving, I knew that was it.

So, I'll be asking my pastor tomorrow for help from any able-bodied men in my church to dump my stuff into a U-Haul, stick it in storage, and then I'll go pay another visit to my attorney. I finally got to the point that NOTHING was worth staying. Absolutely nothing.

I couldn't stand being a victim a minute longer, and if I remained with this man I'd be stuck in victimhood. His sobriety? Well, if he gets it, fine. If he doesn't, fine. Either way, enough was enough was enough for me.

P.S. - I used to drink too much just to tolerate AH. I went cold turkey on 4/29/07 and don't regret it one doggone bit. I feel the pain, I feel the frustration, and I don't attempt to numb any of it. And, frankly, I feel 100% better physically and emotionally.

Originally Posted by anxiousspouse

Denny57, I started to read your story and saw in it, that emotional/romantic stuff that you now decry - you are right. What makes it so difficult is that as a sober man, he is fantastic, unmatched, all of those positive things - and the bones of sobriety that are thrown to me have kept me here.

But then, I take a good hard look at the reality around me: my house -shabby, full of crap everywhere -books, socks, papers, unpaid bills, dog toys; myself - shabby, unkempt, out of shape; our finances - a scary wreck; the fact we have no friends as a couple anymore; the fact that no one calls; the fact that he is drinking himself out of jobs, into trouble; the fact that I am under constant stress...

I can see clearly, now, that he is spiraling down the toilet, and I'm going right with him...

And I don't want to be that person. How do I get the strength to leave? How did any of you whom left, get the strength?"

Originally Posted by seek

If you are the one who is working, I am wondering why you "can't get out."

Originally Posted by amooseoncebitmysister

I thought I'd share what happened in the past 5 years, since I first came here; I never left the AH during that time and continued to prop him up in all ways.

Multiple bouts of sobriety/rehab followed by multiple relapses, no job, and a barely functioning AH. Several disappearances/suicidal-type actions. Coming home from work on a Friday to a suicide note and a missing AH; a frantic weekend of fear and uncertainty coupled with THE EPIPHANY - I can't fix this, he's sick, and it isn't personal. He spent 6 weeks in hospital/rehab, came out a changed man supposedly with a spiritual epiphany. Until he changed back...

I am proud to say that I finally mustered up the courage and strength to leave, and I am moving into my own place this weekend. I am going to work on ME. He may loathe himself, but I no longer loathe myself and am treating myself like I would at least treat a friend!

SOmeday I hope to regain my sense of humor (so I can add to that "Normies don't" thread) but for now I'm just going to put one foot in front of the other and slog through this muck.

Now- how do I change my username???