Saint Francis

Thanks again. Been away for two days, but as I had to get more clothes, check on 5 cats, do laundry, I planned on going home this afternoon. I did this with a new attitute after reading "Getting them Sober." I sat on the couch silent, noticing his new 12 pack of Bud Light next to him and his p*ss bottle. Immediately, he tried to engage me in an argument. When I would not do this, it further enraged him. He accused me of abandoning him when he's handicapped, not caring etc. I just left the room and read. He continued to cuss at me, but since walking is difficult he sat in the other room yelling obsenities. After a while, the smoke in the house (he's not supposed to do this in the house because of my alergies) was getting to me. I politely asked him not to smoke in the house. He yelled that it's his house too and he'll do what he wants. I begged, nothing. So the I took the carton of cigarettes I bought him, and told him I was taking them out to the porch. I also said I needed to charge my phone so I took the charger. Well, being drunk and not listening, he called the police!!! He screamed at the neighbor to get him some cigs. I was only 30feet away but outside. The police officer asked me what was wrong. I explained. The office switched it around on me and said I was borderline abusive by taking the cell phone charger away from a handicapped man and stranding him. Huh???? "He can crawl to the beer," I said. "Couldn't you tell how much he had today? " He says, "Well, we've been out here before and if we get called again, somebody's going to jail."
"Good, I haven't done anything wrong. Maybe he can dry out." He says, "I suggest you leave because if we come back, maybe both of you are going to jail. You know, 'he says, she says.' He can't leave because he's stuck." So, once again. I am the one suffering the consequences. I have to leave my home again. This sucks!!!!

cinderellawkids

The officer that was there sounds like many Ive encountered in this state.

Every descriptions of your husband is soo much how mine has become even when not drinking since Ive long refused to see him when he was.

I get your feelings about giving him his car keys and I too have done the same, but I have a scarey word of caution (that never mattered to me in the moment either) Is your name on car or joint insurance policy?
If so you too are responsible for any damages and if cant pay can lose your license as well (In Florida)

I have no advice on how to get out besides what is already said, for me even with kids its was easy to pack a bag and leave, staying gone is the tough part

Saint Francis

OMG, Cinderella! Of all the things I forgot to think about the car insurance and liability if an accident. That more likely than not will happen...an accident. He's hit 2 stationary objects with his precious car in the last 2 weeks and...I'm sooo scared. That's why I need the lawyer so bad. I'll call every one in the yellow pages tomorrow. I'm thinking of reporting that deputy as well. I don't think he handled this correctly. Why do I have to leave when he makes up some sob story of how disabled he is but he still manages to crawl or whatever when he needs beer? I never made any of the 3 calls, I wasn't even there for the first 2. He was throwing tantrums breaking things. I left those times to stop the carnage. Then he calls the cops....on me. But I'm the one who would get thrown in jail????? Maybe I'm getting just mad enough now at the damn system to fight back.

DesertEyes

Hi there Francis We haven't met yet so let me say "hello" and pleased to meet you

If I may suggest a really easy and _fast_ way of finding a lawyer is to show up at the nearest meeting of al-anon. You'll get a bunch of referals to _good_ lawyers that other people have used. That will save you time in trying to find one that is willing to listen to you, that doesn't charge a ton of money, that returns your calls. The last thing you need is a lawyer who's a turkey and putting obstacles in your way.

Mike

Mr. Christian

There are those who never escape the drama because they never remove themselves from the situation.
Then there are those who feed off of it, it gives them something to live for.

Detaching is the 1st step, emotionally and physically.

Live

The sooner you file for divorce the sooner he will be out of the house. You must document the abuse so that he is removed. Why should you have to go to a hotel.
And who knows that he won't pass out with a cigarette and burn down the house. You need him out.

I have been thro' the he said she said and they just arrested us both. It was obvious I had been beaten up but because I bit his hand to keep him from suffocating me I was arrested for battery as well. I was hiding outside trying to escape after being tied up and he called and told them I bit his hand to keep him from calling for help.
This is also good old boy country. I was put in a cell and he roamed the halls cracking jokes with the deputies.
The system sucks.
Gather evidence, photos anything your lawyer can use.

One thing I have learned is to be the first one to call the police. If he calls you are at a disadvantage. Same as whoever files for divorce first.

So, first go get the money, take care of the auto insurance, have him taken off as an insured driver as he is too disabled to drive.

Find an aggressive attorney fast and get him out.

Also I suggest counseling with a dv counselor, they are a most valuable resource...and another validation for and of the abuse when it goes to court. They will also help you understand and heal and be able to move on.

This is probably going to get uglier so you need all the help, info and resources you can muster.

You can escape the whole drama and your life will be much better.

I wouldn't tip him off about any of my actions or plans either. So, if it keeps him thinking you are just mad and it is normal, I guess it is better to stay elsewhere until you can get your ducks in a row.

I speak strongly here because I was naive and made all the mistakes and it nearly cost me everything.

respektingme

Amen. My AH was actively drinking once, and I didn't even know. As far as I knew, life was peachy. Then I found out he had taken out half our savings and moved them into his own account. Said he was preparing himself in the event I would make a race to the bank. I didn't even know we were fighting. So I sold off all of our investments, took out 50% and put them in my own account. And I took the remaining savings we had and put that in my own account. Once he thought about it, he said he thought we should get a fresh start and recombine our assets. Uhhhhh, no thank you! I love having my own money. Absolutely love it. It's not enough to buy a house, but it's enough that I can leave when I want.

Keep your own money. I know people told me about separate accounts for a long time and I didn't believe in it. Now I know why. In a world of uncertainty, particularly with an unpredictable drunk, you need to protect yourself financially.