Weekend alcoholic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Fort Lauderdale FL
Posts: 2
Weekend alcoholic
This is my first post here,
A great Hello to all!
My problem is a Saturday and Sunday one. Married with one child, 11 years old..a boy. My wife has a serious weekend problem of getting totally out of it by noon, then sleeping all day while I watch my son, not to mention his friends.
Often enough she'll wake up and get beligerent. She's been in a wreck once and I've had the police here on several occasions. She's like the devil sometimes, and sometimes just out of it in a so-so way.
I'm really at my wits ends since this has been going on for at least a year now.
A. I do not hit her, never have, never will.
B I don't ***** around.
C. I have a great job, make good money, and have been witht he same company for 15 years.
D. I treat our only child like gold. Always have, always will.
I don't undersatnd why this is going on. She works, but sometimes misses Mondays, understandidly.
I keep threatening her with leaving, but that doesn't help. She's gotten into legal troubles with this and custody of our child would be mine, without question.
My parents were divorced when I was nine and it hurt me terribly, overall. I don't want to do the same, but she refuses help or even acknowledging a problem.
I'm almost ready to leave. She's passed out now as I type this and I'm watching 3 kids, including mine.
Any ideas?
A great Hello to all!
My problem is a Saturday and Sunday one. Married with one child, 11 years old..a boy. My wife has a serious weekend problem of getting totally out of it by noon, then sleeping all day while I watch my son, not to mention his friends.
Often enough she'll wake up and get beligerent. She's been in a wreck once and I've had the police here on several occasions. She's like the devil sometimes, and sometimes just out of it in a so-so way.
I'm really at my wits ends since this has been going on for at least a year now.
A. I do not hit her, never have, never will.
B I don't ***** around.
C. I have a great job, make good money, and have been witht he same company for 15 years.
D. I treat our only child like gold. Always have, always will.
I don't undersatnd why this is going on. She works, but sometimes misses Mondays, understandidly.
I keep threatening her with leaving, but that doesn't help. She's gotten into legal troubles with this and custody of our child would be mine, without question.
My parents were divorced when I was nine and it hurt me terribly, overall. I don't want to do the same, but she refuses help or even acknowledging a problem.
I'm almost ready to leave. She's passed out now as I type this and I'm watching 3 kids, including mine.
Any ideas?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Welcome, mitch, I'm glad you're here. Things tend to be a bit slow on weekends, so keep coming back and I'm sure more folks will be along to respond soon.
Speaking from living many years with not one, but two alcoholics, I'm afraid I have to tell you that your wife is an alcoholic. What can you do? First I'd suggest you read the stickies at the top of our forum where you'll find a great deal of useful information on this disease. I don't know where you live, but I'd call Al-anon in your area (look them up in the white pages) and find meetings. Al-anon suggests you try six meetings before making up your mind as to whether or not it works for you.
The frustrating part of this disease is your threats, begging, pleading, bargaining, etc., have no effect on the A (our term for "alcoholic" here). The addiction is far more powerful than you. It also replaces you as number one in the A's life.
Like it or not, you can only take care of yourself and your child. Your AW is zoned out in laa-laa land while you're giving yourself an ulcer worried sick about her. It's her addiction, and it's hers to own. Not your's. You can't cure it, you can't control it, and you sure as heck didn't cause it.
You've got to get out of her way and hope she hits bottom. If you decide to physically leave and take your child with you, then she'll be alone with her bottle. That doesn't assure she'll do anything other than get drunker, but it assures you will have space in which to take care of yourself and protect your child from witnessing his mother in the downward spiral.
I'm sorry I can't give you answers filled with hope and assurance that you can do something for her. She is the one getting drunk. It's up to her to get sober. It's up to you to take care of your own emotional health and that of your child.
Speaking from living many years with not one, but two alcoholics, I'm afraid I have to tell you that your wife is an alcoholic. What can you do? First I'd suggest you read the stickies at the top of our forum where you'll find a great deal of useful information on this disease. I don't know where you live, but I'd call Al-anon in your area (look them up in the white pages) and find meetings. Al-anon suggests you try six meetings before making up your mind as to whether or not it works for you.
The frustrating part of this disease is your threats, begging, pleading, bargaining, etc., have no effect on the A (our term for "alcoholic" here). The addiction is far more powerful than you. It also replaces you as number one in the A's life.
Like it or not, you can only take care of yourself and your child. Your AW is zoned out in laa-laa land while you're giving yourself an ulcer worried sick about her. It's her addiction, and it's hers to own. Not your's. You can't cure it, you can't control it, and you sure as heck didn't cause it.
You've got to get out of her way and hope she hits bottom. If you decide to physically leave and take your child with you, then she'll be alone with her bottle. That doesn't assure she'll do anything other than get drunker, but it assures you will have space in which to take care of yourself and protect your child from witnessing his mother in the downward spiral.
I'm sorry I can't give you answers filled with hope and assurance that you can do something for her. She is the one getting drunk. It's up to her to get sober. It's up to you to take care of your own emotional health and that of your child.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hi Mitch,
Welcome to SR. I recommend you read Codependant No More by Melodie Beattie and I hope you will try Alanon for yourself and Alateen for your son. He will need help to learn about what is going on with his mom and that's a perfect setting for kids his age. I'm sorry for your situation but glad you have found this forum, there are many here who understand what it's like for you because they have lived it too.
Welcome to SR. I recommend you read Codependant No More by Melodie Beattie and I hope you will try Alanon for yourself and Alateen for your son. He will need help to learn about what is going on with his mom and that's a perfect setting for kids his age. I'm sorry for your situation but glad you have found this forum, there are many here who understand what it's like for you because they have lived it too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
Welcome! Your only child should be able to stay in his own home. If she's passed out, I'd call 911 and have them take to the ER. I would do this each and every time she passes out. You can have her removed and if she won't get help or even acknowledge the problem, keep having her removed. You have an impressionable little person in the house. What entitles her to sleep all day and wake up grumpy? There is a different kind of damage done to kids with mothers like your sons.
I think an important lesson is that we don't have to live like htat, we can change it.
I think an important lesson is that we don't have to live like htat, we can change it.
Fighting for happiness
Join Date: May 2007
Location: between a rock and a hard place
Posts: 32
Coming form the veiw or the only child...
My parents stayed together tinking it was the right thing to do intill one day in oct about two years ago, things got bad and I was home alone with my drunk and dieing father and had no clue wath to. Yes the 911 thing always works and keep it in mind. If your son has figured out what is happening or even if he hasn't talk to him about it. I wish I could help you with your wife but all in all the only advise I feel I can give to you is talk to your son kids are alot smarter than most people give them credit for. I wish you the best of luck just remember do what is best for you and your son.
My parents stayed together tinking it was the right thing to do intill one day in oct about two years ago, things got bad and I was home alone with my drunk and dieing father and had no clue wath to. Yes the 911 thing always works and keep it in mind. If your son has figured out what is happening or even if he hasn't talk to him about it. I wish I could help you with your wife but all in all the only advise I feel I can give to you is talk to your son kids are alot smarter than most people give them credit for. I wish you the best of luck just remember do what is best for you and your son.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Fort Lauderdale FL
Posts: 2
Thanks for the insight and kind words
We barely scaped by this school year. Math and science are getting tougher for the 5th graders. I got no support at all during the week.
He's a resilient kid who seems to be bearing this fairly well. I play the dad all week then the mom and dad on the weekends.
We lost our last house 4 years ago due to her drinking and drugs/Vicodin and Oxycontin, for which she had prescriptions. We moved into an apartment until I was able to straighten out our finances and credit. Now I'm in a new house heading down the same path. This time it's booze and Xanax. I personally gave up drinking about 4 months ago. Can't say I miss it.
He's a resilient kid who seems to be bearing this fairly well. I play the dad all week then the mom and dad on the weekends.
We lost our last house 4 years ago due to her drinking and drugs/Vicodin and Oxycontin, for which she had prescriptions. We moved into an apartment until I was able to straighten out our finances and credit. Now I'm in a new house heading down the same path. This time it's booze and Xanax. I personally gave up drinking about 4 months ago. Can't say I miss it.
Fighting for happiness
Join Date: May 2007
Location: between a rock and a hard place
Posts: 32
Mitch welcome frist of all,
I know we all what is best for all the people we love in are life but at this time think of you and your son.
I am an only child, well I have two step brothers but I don't see them, with my dad things have gotten better but as a child I was put through hell to put it nicely.
It sounds like your wife has to hit rock bottom before she will change as with and A and you never now where that is. The only point I will stress is that do what is best for you and your child.
I had to see my father get draged out of my house in handcuffs because he refussesed to let EMS help him, as I stated I was home alone and sixteen at the time and because at that point I had been fighting both my parents...
my mom for not doing any thing
my dad for being so drunk at 10 oclock in the morr.
and falling and hitting his head a number of times (and could not remember his name)
I was ready to let him die walk away and look back... I didn't but that is a scary very scaring point.
I would hate to think that anyone else would have to though that. Look out for you and your son as much as you want to change your wife she needes to want the help before anything can change
The best of luck
I know we all what is best for all the people we love in are life but at this time think of you and your son.
I am an only child, well I have two step brothers but I don't see them, with my dad things have gotten better but as a child I was put through hell to put it nicely.
It sounds like your wife has to hit rock bottom before she will change as with and A and you never now where that is. The only point I will stress is that do what is best for you and your child.
I had to see my father get draged out of my house in handcuffs because he refussesed to let EMS help him, as I stated I was home alone and sixteen at the time and because at that point I had been fighting both my parents...
my mom for not doing any thing
my dad for being so drunk at 10 oclock in the morr.
and falling and hitting his head a number of times (and could not remember his name)
I was ready to let him die walk away and look back... I didn't but that is a scary very scaring point.
I would hate to think that anyone else would have to though that. Look out for you and your son as much as you want to change your wife she needes to want the help before anything can change
The best of luck
When Pigs Fly
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
Wlcome. I'm happy you are here, From my experiance I have learned that asking my AH to leave was the best thing I could have done for my children. I too woundered if staying would be better, but now mt kids are Happy, they paly with there friends have friends over all the time, we are more of a unit then ever before. My kids smile more often and know that they will never have to worrie that I will let there Father drive them when he is drunk or raise a fist to them ever again.
Please read the stickies get some help at allanon or your church, It's time.
Good luck and keep coming back it helps.
Best wishes, Kermmie
Please read the stickies get some help at allanon or your church, It's time.
Good luck and keep coming back it helps.
Best wishes, Kermmie
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Hamburg, NY
Posts: 20
Welcome. Your story sounds a lot like my sister. About a year ago my brother in law could say the same things you did. Now my sister is drunk every day and we are worried she will die. Mitch, do something now before it gets out of control. If you let her know that you will not stay to watch her destroy herself than hopefully she will get the help she needs before it is too late. Goodluck.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Firstly Hi,
Has your wife admitted she is an alcoholic and needs help? I would be first giving her any information you can get your hands on regarding rehabilitation in your area and leaving it for her. Talk to her about getting professional help and does she want it.
Take little steps first.
Has your wife admitted she is an alcoholic and needs help? I would be first giving her any information you can get your hands on regarding rehabilitation in your area and leaving it for her. Talk to her about getting professional help and does she want it.
Take little steps first.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Mitch,
Please read the stickies at the top of the forums. There are also a set of books "Getting Them Sober". Information will help you deal in the here and now, as well as help you plan for the future.
As this caused enough hardship that you have had to sell your home once, this isn't a new problem. However, it sounds as if some things have changed...you have stopped drinking now.
Whether you stay or go, she will still be your son's mother....so it's not as if you can walk away and never look back.
As far as threatening to leave....I know you are trying to shake her up, but she doesn't believe you anymore.
I like what a friend of mine has taught me...say what you mean, mean what you say, just don't say it meanly.
And, of course, there is al-anon, which is a support group that teaches many tools for you and your son to live with this in a healthier way.....as it surely has affected both of you whether or not you stay together or separate.
best wishes,
live
Please read the stickies at the top of the forums. There are also a set of books "Getting Them Sober". Information will help you deal in the here and now, as well as help you plan for the future.
As this caused enough hardship that you have had to sell your home once, this isn't a new problem. However, it sounds as if some things have changed...you have stopped drinking now.
Whether you stay or go, she will still be your son's mother....so it's not as if you can walk away and never look back.
As far as threatening to leave....I know you are trying to shake her up, but she doesn't believe you anymore.
I like what a friend of mine has taught me...say what you mean, mean what you say, just don't say it meanly.
And, of course, there is al-anon, which is a support group that teaches many tools for you and your son to live with this in a healthier way.....as it surely has affected both of you whether or not you stay together or separate.
best wishes,
live
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: cleveland,OH
Posts: 28
Hello Mitch, I would too would like to suggest Alanon, and Alateen for your son. I have been going for 4 1/2yrs now and my son who also is 9yrs old, understands that his dad has a disease and he did not cause this. It helps to talk with people who understand what you are going thru. My AH was going down fast, he got him self in trouble and now is in AA, not a magic cure all. But because of Alanon I understand that his recovery is his and I still have to work on myself. Keep reading and posting.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Welcome, Mitch! I'm glad you "found" us.
You have already gotten lots of great advice (above). I see liveweyerd has already mentioned one of my favorite books with practical living tips (Getting Them Sober; see http://www.GettingThemSober.com for a few "preview"chapters). "Under the Influence" is also another one I have found very helpful.
Please stick around; reading and posting has helped me so much in many ways and allowed me to start to clarify for myself the steps I am taking in my own life by trying to take the focus off the alcoholic and putting it back on me and our kids,instead. It's a process.
You have already gotten lots of great advice (above). I see liveweyerd has already mentioned one of my favorite books with practical living tips (Getting Them Sober; see http://www.GettingThemSober.com for a few "preview"chapters). "Under the Influence" is also another one I have found very helpful.
Please stick around; reading and posting has helped me so much in many ways and allowed me to start to clarify for myself the steps I am taking in my own life by trying to take the focus off the alcoholic and putting it back on me and our kids,instead. It's a process.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lost in NC
Posts: 416
You are facing a hard choice....but one you have to make.
As the sober parent, you have to protect your health and your financial health....so you can take care of your children. This means planning a divorce. Plan in secret. Talk to an attorney. Get prepared!
You can't help your wife......and it will get worse unless she decides to get better.
But she is not your problem now.........you concentrate on the kids. They need you healthy mentally and physically.
As the sober parent, you have to protect your health and your financial health....so you can take care of your children. This means planning a divorce. Plan in secret. Talk to an attorney. Get prepared!
You can't help your wife......and it will get worse unless she decides to get better.
But she is not your problem now.........you concentrate on the kids. They need you healthy mentally and physically.
Fool To Do Your Dirty Work
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Greenflower Street
Posts: 362
(((Mitch))) - welcome - keep reading and posting....no great advice - I think you already know what you have to do - you will do it when you are ready....do keep in mind, the less your son is exposed to her when she is drinking/using the better...i bet he realizes/sees/hears more than you know....best wishes...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
