newenglandgirl

It is hard when all this chaos is going on, but try to concentrate on what you CAN control.

So what exactly can you control?

Try to figure that out. And try to find solace in the knowledge that you really do have a lot of control over many very important things in your life.

Take all the precautions necessary to keep yourself and your sons safe. Hope for the best, expect the worst. Do what you have to to protect yourself in all ways.

queenteree

A just called me again from the hospital, asked me to call his job tomorrow, started yelling cause he didn't know what time he was getting out of the psych ward and said he had to go cause they were putting him in restraints. This is all toooo much!!!! Call me weak, and I am, especially when I read what alot of you go thru, I just don't know how you do it. You are all so strong, and I am just soooo weak.

newenglandgirl

No queentree, you are NOT weak...it IS really scary and so intense! I know! You are gonna make it through this. Trust me. Just do what you know is right. Don't back down and side with the disease. You are a force of good. To keep living the way the disease wants you to keep living is bad - for both you and your AH. Doing what is right is often not very popular, especially when it means disrupting an A's drinking routine. Be strong.

denny57

Queen, if you are this scared of him, can you get a temporary restraining order so he can't trash the house. His behavior, verbal abuse, is over the line. Take care of you, first and foremost. Everything else is just STUFF.

((()))

hopeangel

if they really are putting him in restraints, then they are not letting him go anywhere right? could you ask the hospital to let you know if he is released? or talk to someone there. i don't know that you will get the important info from ah. they should tell you what is going on and keep you informed.

Janitw

(((((((((((((((((((((Queen))))))))))))))))))))
I hear ya girl......I have been where you are....and so have my kids. When he gets out he just may be feeling very humble...believe it or not. He now knows you will stick to your boundaries. And he knows you will back up what you say with action. You are in a power seat now....I dont think you ought to go anywhere. Stand your ground. Defend your home and harth...if he gets out of hand again...call the cops again...sometimes it takes more than once in a 24 hour period before they get the idea. Just dial 911 and throw the phone if you have to...trust me the cops will respond just by doing that. And you need to show your children that you are NOT afraid of him. The alcohol yes - him no. Tell him if he brings booze home he can't come in. Period. If he plays rough then you play rough. Don't back down now....you have made a stand and stay the course hun....stay the course.

Janit

rosalie

That he is letting his true self show as an Alcoholic is good.If they are putting him in locked leathers he will not be home tonight. They will medicate him. They decide wether he stays or goes if he is behaving in this manner. Call tomorrow and talk to the Doctor again. They will have made some plans by then for his care(I am a Social Worker).
Rest easy tonight knowing he is right where he needs to be. Right now he is safe and you are safe.

queenteree

Good news!!! I just found out that they are not releasing him tonite. He has not even had the psych eval yet, that will be tomorrow!!! I can finally get some sleep. Thanks everyone, and I'll let you know what happens tomorrow.

queenteree

First off, I called AH's job this morning, told the receptionist that he went to the hospital yesterday and they ran some tests and kept him overnight. I told her I wasn't sure when he was being released. She asked me what happened, I told her she could ask Kevin if he called in. Hope I did the right thing, I wasn't going to cover or get into it, just the facts. Let him deal with it, right? Anyway, psych dr. calls me just now. Asks me if AH has made suicide threats like this before, I tell him just last week. He asked if any prior than that. I said no. He asked if he makes threats like that when sober. I told him he's hardly ever sober anymore. He said he's going to recommend him to be discharged cause he doesn't think he's ready for help and they can't force him. I told him I understood, so now AH is going to be released just to go home and drink himself into another stupor. Just figured I'd let you all know.

queenteree

Get this!!! I just spoke with his dr. at the hospital, they are releasing him within 3 hours!!!! I asked her if he was having any withdrawals. She said none - how could that be with a BAL of 400 and not having any alcohol since yesterday at 11 a.m. They are not giving him any medication for it either. How is that possible when he detoxes at home he shakes and sweats, etc.? Can he control withdrawals just to get out of there and drink or does he fake withdrawals at home????? I think they don't even think he is an alcoholic!!!!!

hopeangel

i throw my hands up in the air

what are YOUR plans in the next three hours???

Tazman53

queenteree if he just started on a bender then he probably has not had it in his system long enough to suffer withdrawals.

My heart is breaking for you right now, if you have a cell phone keep it on you at all times, keep it in your hand if he is any where near you.

You are in total control right now and he knows it!

All you have to do is diall 911 and back he goes again, either the hospital or jail.

Get your lawyer involved ASAP!

At this point in time you have far more rights then he does!

If he is being violent or tearing up the house call the cops, he has no right to do that, the home is every bit as much yours as it is his.

The police will arrest him for destroying your property.

Press charges, the biggest mistake you can make right now is to let him regain control by you dropping the charges or letting him tear the house up or verbally or physically abuse you.

denny57

Take care of yourself, QT. I think they know he is alcoholic. Unfortunately, you can't keep someone in the hospital for that. For the one alcoholic I had in my life, our doctor must have a hundred. I understand his attitude toward AH now much more than I did at the beginning. They are in no better position to to cure it than I am.

queenteree

Taz, he's been drinking since Sunday, alot, staggering etc. I'm really surprised at this. I am probably going to leave work a little early and go try and look out east for mobile homes (I drive thru the parks to see if any are for sale). I'm telling you, the minute I find one, I'm getting it and getting out. I am not going to leave and stay with kids, etc., I will just not be home until after 11 p.m. (when hopefully he'll be passed out). Something's got to give cause I can't live like that, but I know it's going to be bad, and he really is at the end of his alcoholism. Can he really go on like this another 10 years or so???? I am so sick to my stomach over this.

CE Girl

Queentree,,I've been riveted by the developments since I last visited your post,,

I'm gonna be totally blunt and honest here

How much more are you going to "accept"?

When is enough, enough?

IMHO, you are TOTALLY entwined and caught up in this drama. Instead of taking care fo yourself, your letting it "twist" you like the tazmanian devil. You've gotten GREAT advice here and frankly, again, IMHO chosen to ignore it. Almost like you AH chooses to ignore his disease.

It's codie behaviour at its finest.

What happened to the person who was here a few short weeks ago, PLANNING for her future? If I remember correctly, you have very SUPPORTIVE son's. In fact, stayed with one for a while didn't you?

Again, IMHO REMOVE yourself. Let him fend for himself and STOP responding to him.

I know, easier said than done, but I'm WITH ya girl

Peace

PS, Please understand, all the above said with the UTMOST respect and love. I FEEL you pain

Tazman53

I am no doctor, but I doubt it.

But in reality the question really is:

Can you go on like this another 10 years?

denny57

((QUEEN))) I haven't felt that sick feeling for a long time, but I remember it well. My heart goes out to you.

queenteree

CE Girl,
I totally undestand your post and I know you are just trying to be brutally honest with me, but I have said that I am continuing with my plans, I have been looking for a mobile home to buy - that is my ONLY option and I have been actively looking. I can't stay with my son forever, I can't stay at my other son's girlfriend's house (she lives with her parents) and I will not stay with my daughter, for as much as I love her, she has her own issues that I do not even want to deal with (she's my second biggest stress in life). My son that I stayed with has a one bedroom condo, so I slept on the couch, lived out of my suitcase and felt like I was intruding. It's not like I have a great deal of money to spend on motels and/or rent an apartment for a month or so (security and rent) cause that would be less toward the mobile home. Two weeks ago I said I made a plan and I was/am sticking with it. It's just not working out for me at the moment and I won't spend $80,000 to $100,000 on something that I don't like or needs work just to leave AH. IMO, I don't think I'm wrapped up in this drama, I don't want this drama and I can't handle this drama. I don't like drama, but drama finds me (AH and daughter). And I'm sick of it, and that's why I'm sick to my stomach over it. I just want it over, and if I stayed with my son, lived out of a suitcase, inconvenienced them, bought a mobile that wasn't worth the money or that I would be happy in just to get away from him, whose the one who is still suffering. That is why I said I am not as strong as most of you. I have basically been spoiled my whole adult married life by AH and up until these past few weeks, my relationship with him wasn't bad and I was happy. It's just now it's getting worse, and I'm not used to it.

CE Girl

QT Sweetie, after reading your post, you are STRONGER than you think

One of the things I HATE about electronic media is when your composing a post, you might miss one that changes your viewpoint. After I posted mine, you had responded you were still actively searching!! I apologoze if I came off a bit harsh. i just HATE to see ANYONE hurting and sort of "stuck". Please know my motives were pure, even if my method was a tad crass.

I can't imagine the changes you have endured in these past few weeks and undertand better why you are reeling.

Me too. Sick and tired of being sick and tired

Peace AND love

queenteree

CE, Thanks for your post and don't worry about being crass or anything. I didn't take it that way at all. I am one of those people myself who can come across that way, and sometimes when it comes to my friends, co-workers, family and they are stuck with something and have options and make excuses (for whatever their reasons) I kind of think "crap or get off the pot already!", so I do not take offense by what anyone says. I know everyone here is in the same boat (or at least was at one time or another) and we are all here to learn and support one another (no matter how we may come across) and I take everyone's posts as something positive to learn from and keep tucked in the back of my brain for a day I may need it. Again, thanks and peace and love to you too.