queenteree

My daughter was with her AH since she was 16. After having two kids within 18 mos of each other, she married him then kicked him out after 4 mos of marriage because of his drinking (sun up to sun up - daily - no stopping). He wasn't working, he was abusive toward her, etc. She got an order of protection, which he violated several times before moving away with some other woman and having a kid with her. He hasn't seen my daughter or their kids for 4 years and has paid absolutely no child support. My daughter was a high school drop out, she returned to school, got her GED and graduated from the college LPN program and is now pursuing her RN. Sounds good, right? It actually isn't. She is having a hard time finding a job as an LPN (only nursing homes use them and they don't keep staff very long - the same ads are always in the paper and on line), she was working full time days but made just more than the guidelines to qualify for a day care stipend so it was costing her $335 per week for daycare for her youngest (who will be in kindergarden this coming Sept.) and this summer it would have cost her over $500 per week for the two kids in daycare. She would not have enough money for food, rent and gas. She went for a job 3 nights a week (I would watch her kids) and was supposed to start this week (she left the other job and took her daughter out of daycare). They stood her up, and now she's jobless. She feels her life is crap and her Higher Power has deserted her. I know (and believe) that our HP has a plan for us, but what should I tell her as words of encouragement? I've read alot of posts here where you all keep up your positive attitudes. How do you do it in the face of disappointment at times? Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

best

words of encouragement

It isn't the words so much as it is an attitude of encouragement.
If she keeps looking will she find a job? yes...so tell her so.
No matter the struggles we go through in life, we some how come out of those struggles and continue on.
She is going for the RN... let her know thather choice to do so is a good idea. Encouragement of the positive things she is doing.
Smiles and hugs and a listening ear go a long way.
Building her up by letting her know how proud you are of her for getting so much done with so much going on around her will lift her self-esteem.
Two babies brought into the world and raised while going to school and getting her GED and LPN... not a small challenge. Something she should be very proud of.
I know because my wife is a RN and I had seen how hard she worked to get her GED and get through nursing school. Your daughter has a lot to be thankful for and proud of. You also should gather in some of that gratefulness and pride as well...
Hey people ...look at how much my daughter has done. Great job.
With God's strength in us we can do all things.

parentrecovers

i tell my daughter not to lose hope. that she's worth it. don't give up. i make sure she knows that me and her dad love and respect her for all her hard work. and that we will always be there to help her in the ways that we can.

i'm so sorry that your daughter is struggling.

blessings, k

denny57

One way I don't get discouraged is I get pro-active. Where did she get her degree? Is there a guidance counselor there? Can she meet with a career coach? Here is a site that might help: w_w_w.advanceweb.com

Life can seem overwhelming at times. I pick one thing to concentrate on until I feel I can take on more.

Good luck to your daughter. She has a great, marketable skill; something will come through for her.

MsPINKAcres

How about look where she was 3 yrs ago? 2 yrs ago? Maybe some encouragement about how far she has come & what she has accomplished so far & might I had - against most statistics & some really tough odds.

I know that sometimes those Slogans seem a little flippant - but they do help - This too Shall Pass, Easy Does It & One Day at a Time.

She has come so far to give up now.

Wishing her & you peace, & also praying that her HP will send her a special blessing that she will know it comes especially from Him for her,

Rita

mallowcup

In the meantime, tell her to check into nursing agencies for staff relief or home care. They pay well and pay daily or weekly. Many summer camps are hiring right now. Because of budgets many school nurses are now LPNs. She shoudl also check into state jobs. many of the community residences and day care programs for the developmentally disabled hire LPNs. If she is willing to travel to different nursing homes as a staff relief, she will make very goodmoney for her trouble. They can usually place you immediately.
The evidence of her higher power will reveal itself and I'd tell her that. You hold hands and say a prayer. You pray that you need help and desire evidence. Agree that in 3 month you will meet and remember this day to see what direction her life has taken. I bet dollars to donuts she will be doing well and in a job that she did not foresee.

Sunflower

So sorry---I know how hard it is to try and make it alone with a child and no support (ever). After paying all the bills I was lucky to have a 10$ bill in my pocket.
I am a nurse--I don't know why where you live there is a problem with her finding a job as a nurse RN/LPN--here in Massachusetts they will take you off the street--high pay-benefits-everything and anything they can do to hire you! I thought the shortage was nation wide?
Mallow is right--inbetween jobs she can work for an agency--which is even higher pay and more flexable-because they usually don't give benefits.

Is she a new LPN? I know that if you have 5 years experience it is top pay here.
LPNS here make around 880$ a week and RNs 1100$ a week---more if they specialize in a specific area....

I personally found the 3 /12 hour shifts a week the bestdeal and gave me more time off--to spend with my family or to work a second job.

Yes the child support would have made it easier--but it wasn't worth dealing with and angry abusive alcoholic---we did fine without him,,

narekkm

This suggestion may not help her with her HP, but if she has to pay so much for day care (especially during the summer), maybe should could consider doing daycare herself and collecting as much money from others as she would have to pay for her kids. Licensed or not, I'm sure she could find a few kids (through friends or family) that are looking for daycare providers. I know for myself, the summer time was the hardest especially for kids who had been in school and didn't already have a regular provider.

Something to consider....

Karen

Sunflower

Yes sorry I was off target with my answer--how was that going to help you answer your initial question!
How do you remind someone there is a HP? LOVE----just love her all you can so that when she looks at you she sees the HP.
Sometimes there are neighbors who will help with daycare for a fee much less than a daycare....time to start searching--neighbors---friends-----relatives......Good Luck to you

SaTiT

I think most codependent suffers from guilt and shame to the extreem.
In human relationship and a HP relationship. Throw some anger and
fustrations in there and i get the a ball of fire going in my head.
Dante's Inferno....that didn't work too well for me, but that was
my perception of a relationship with a HP was.

There's wasn't anyone that can convince me..it was a process.
God or an HP was the last thing I wanted to discuss. I was angery
at the thing call god and i felt forsaken, as the man was at the
last moments on the cross. The more you mentioned it, I more
I retrieved from it.

I basically needed to heal and surround myself with people that would
understand me and support me. Most of the time not even
understand me beucase i didn't understand it.

I had to come to my own conclusion or willingness...freewill
My willingness to belive of a loving god bascailly came through
the rooms of recovery...i had to see it to belive it.
I saw the love and compassion in the meeting.
I heard the traditions being read many, many times.
I just had one those ahha moments oneday.

maybe..just maybe, I'll let a loving god express itself in my consicious
again. It was just a small opening , but it grew from there.