hopeangel

i could go to the bar and watch and see what goes on, but right now, i think that is unproductive FOR ME. i think i am going to stay home and continue organizing, cleaning, relaxing, and doing things i enjoy. i hate bars. i would love to have the time to myself.

yes, flwrchild, it is exhausting. you really do wear yourself out and it really ages you if you allow it. if i chased after ah all the time and worried about what he did -that does physical damage to me. i am just amazed at the damage stress does. i've decided i really have to start taking care of myself.

what good would it be for me to go and "supervise" ? probably none. yes, it might make a statement, but would it really change anything? probably not and would probably just end up making me feel bad about myself and angry and resentful... stooping to that level would lower my self esteem. so, i think tonight i will let go.

FUNNY, ah asked me again what was with my change in attitude and asked "is it me? is it something i did?" i just had to crack up laughing. they really can be soo innocent when they want to be. rofl